Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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97. Beagles

Lily's POV

*Yeah we're all just hanging out in Liam's hotel room. You can call him right now*

As soon as I read Louis' text, I excuse myself from El in the living room and head to my bedroom. I close the door behind me and lie down on my bed. My hands shake as they hover over Harry's number.

I've already gone through what I'm going to say to him but now, it seems to be flying out of my ear as each second passes.

I quickly click his number and put the phone up to my ear. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for an answer.

The first ring barely goes before he answers.

"Lily?"

My mind blanks for a second as soon as I hear his voice. It feels like it's been weeks since I've heard it, not just three days. My mind is still frozen, not knowing what to say first.

"Lily, baby. Are you there?"

As soon as I hear more of his voice, as soon as I hear him call me 'baby', I instantly relax. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Hi, Harry."

I hear him sigh deeply. "Lily. I'm so glad to hear from you. I missed you so much."

My thoughts about Harry being upset or mad at him being the reason he didn't try to call me these past couple of days are thrown out the window at his words. He missed me. Just like I missed him.

"I...I missed you, too. How...how are you?"

"I've been better but I'm so damn happy now that you called."

Does Harry know that I'm planning on moving past this after we talk about it? Or did he just assume?

I shake those thoughts away, not wanting to divert from what we really need to talk about. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I'm the one that wanted this. I'm the one that stopped all means of communication these past three days. I'm the one that was supposed to be the one to call Harry first.

I just go through what I plan to say and take a deep breath.

"Can we talk? Are you busy?"

"No, no, no. I'm not busy. Yeah, we can talk," he says in a rush. The background noise through the phone fades away until it's complete silence, assuming that Harry had found an empty room to take our conversation.

"Alright, so, first, I want to ask you something." I take a deep breath, not letting him have a chance to interrupt me. "Do you trust me?"

He pauses for a few seconds, most likely taking in my question.

"Of course I do. I trust you more than I trust anyone else."

"Then why were you like that? I just...I don't understand. I trust you, Harry. I trust you more than anyone else. So much that it actually scares me sometimes. But I know that you would never do anything to hurt me, at least not now after what we've been through. I just don't understand why you don't trust me that way, too."

I hear him sigh. "I do. It's just other guys that I don't trust. I know that you wouldn't do anything with them but I'm just worried that they're going to try stuff with you. And the fact that I'm not there to protect you, it's hard for me."

"I get that, Harry. But I can fend for myself. Even if you were here, you wouldn't always be there to protect me. You need to understand that some things are out of your control and that that's okay. I promise, I'll be fine."

"You don't know that for sure. I don't know what I'd do if I found out that something happened to you."

I sigh. "I know, Harry. I would feel the same way about you. But there's nothing we can do. If anything happens, it happens. But you can't go on preventing me from interacting with other people because of that. Look, will you please just try to work on this? I really can't keep doing this over and over again."

"I know. I will. I promise. I really will this time. Just please don't ever say that you'll leave me. Don't ever say that again, okay?"

I can hear the desperation and fear in his voice. It's as strong as I've ever heard it before.

"And like I've said before, don't give me a reason to. I don't want to lose you but there are just some things that I can't deal with. I dealt with it enough with Marcus. I don't want the same thing to happen with us."

"Okay. I understand. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for being such a d.ick the other day. I really mean it. I'm sorry. I know that no matter how much I don't trust other guys, my trust for you is enough to not even worry about them. These three days without being able to talk to you really opened my eyes. It scared the s.hit out of me knowing that this could be how my life will be if I don't stop treating you like I did. I don't ever want that. So I'm willing to do whatever it takes to never allow that to happen. I'm really going to work on my jealousy this time. I really will. I've actually started working on it."

I smile lightly. "What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, I tortured myself by not calling you these past three days - the first day doesn't count."

I laugh.

"Also, I've stopped stalking your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram looking for guys that are saying stuff to you."

I raise my eyebrows. "You did that?"

Maybe that's how he found out about my lunch with Leo. But I didn't post anything about it. And I'm pretty sure Leo didn't, either. At least that I know of. I only have him on Facebook right now.

"Yeah," he mutters. "I couldn't help it. Being halfway across the world, it was the best thing I could think of. I'm sorry. I've stopped, though."

I smile again. "That's great, Harry."

"I've also been able to tell myself that I have to stop worrying so much. I know that nothing will happen. I know that my imagination gets the best of me. I don't want that to be the reason that I'm going to end up just pushing you away again. That's the last thing I want. I want you to be as close to me as we can with us being so far away from each other. And I know that I can only get that if I trust you and stop being so controlling and overprotective. I'm not saying that I'm not going to question who you hang out with, that comes naturally from the boyfriend." We both laugh. "But I won't act like a caveman like I did last time. I'm not going to assume and I'm going to talk to you about it first like a good boyfriend."

My smile widens and I instantly feel all the worries disappearing. I really do believe his words. I know I wouldn't believe him if he said that he's completely going to stop being jealous whenever I hang around guys. I still expect him to be concerned, especially when it comes to guys he doesn't know. It wouldn't feel right if Harry wasn't still a little bit protective over me.

I take a deep breath.

This went better than I thought it would. I honestly thought that he would get upset that I would break things off with him over this. I thought that he would hang up and we would stop talking. I even thought that we would actually break up.

But no, Harry didn't let that happen.

I know how things would be if we actually did break up. Both of us would be broken. Both of us would be lost and we'd never be the same.

"Look, I want to clear this up now so we don't fight about it again. Leo is just a friend. I barely know him and I've made it pretty clear that I'm not interested. At all. He knows that we're together and he's respecting that. You have nothing to worry about, especially with him."

"Okay. Fine. But you're going to have to introduce me to him when I go back there."

I laugh. "I will. I'm sure he'll be excited to meet you as much as Marcus is."

This time he laughs with me. "He should be. He should know what he's messing with."

"Harry," I say in a scolding tone.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'll stop."

An idea comes to mind. Maybe I can test him right now to see if he's telling the truth.

"I met another friend." I emphasize the last word, the most important word.

He remains silent so I use that chance to continue.

"He's a friend of Leo's, his name is Collin and he seems like a cool guy. He knows I have a boyfriend and he doesn't seem like he's interested in me."

I know I'm lying, at least I think I am. I mean, I'm not even positive that Collin was flirting with me. Maybe that's just how he is. Maybe he's like that with every girl. Maybe I just misread him and he wasn't even flirting with me.

That's why I decided to describe Collin that way to Harry. I know that Harry's working on his jealousy issue so I don't want to give him a reason to struggle with it even more.

"Hm, he better remember that you're taken."

I'm about to scold him but he interrupts me.

"But I'm glad you're making friends. I want you to have a good time. And if you say he's a cool guy, then I'm okay with that."

My smile widens. Harry really is getting better at this.

"And, I don't know, maybe you can introduce him to a girl."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, Harry," I say sarcastically. "I'll start working on that."

"You're the best, baby," he says. I can practically hear the smile on his face.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "So, anyways, how was rehearsal?"

"It was okay. I'm still jetlagged so I was a bit tired. I forgot a few lyrics but I'm sure I'll be okay by tonight after I take a little nap."

"You should go to sleep now." I hear him yawn and I find myself smiling. "Get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

"No. Don't go. I want to talk to you some more."

I sigh. "Just for a little bit, okay? I don't want to be the reason that you forget your own songs tonight."

He laughs. "I know, I know. Now, tell me about your day."

I smile. "Well, my day was okay. I had trouble sleeping last night so I was kind of tired. I could barely concentrate in class and I took a nap when I got home. El and I studied a bit and now I'm talking to you."

"Sounds fun."

I lie down on the bed.

"What time is your class tomo--" I hear a loud thud.

"Hi, Lily!" Louis voice booms through the phone.

How is that boy so hyper even with jetlag?

"Hi, Louis," I laugh. "How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you?"

"Louis! Give me my phone back!" Harry's voice can be heard in the background along with laughs from the other boys.

"I'm guessing you two made up because he has that goofy smile on his face that he has whenever he's ogling through pictures of you on his phone."

"Louis!" Harry shouts again.

I laugh as I listen to the scuffling on the phone.

"I think I saw him kissing the screen one time."

"Louis! Stop it!"

I just continue to laugh, even when I hear thudding and a painful groan coming from Louis.

"Alright, here. I just wanted to talk to Lily," Louis says.

"Sorry about that, Lily. He--"

"Hi, Lily!"

Niall. I'm guessing the boys have all come bombarding Harry wherever he went to hide.

I laugh. "Hi, Niall."

I can hear Harry groan. "Give me my phone back. She's my girlfriend."

"And she's my friend," Niall replies. "If I remember correctly, Ed introduced me first when we all met, so technically, we were friends first. Therefore, we've been friends longer."

These boys.

"My turn!" I hear Liam's voice. "Hi, Lily!"

"Hi, Liam. How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm good. Thanks. How is it there? I'm sure the weather's nicer than the rain we have here."

He laughs. "It's beautiful. Wish you and El could be here. Sophia misses you two."

"We miss her, too. Now, can I please talk to my boyfriend?"

"Wait. Zayn doesn't want to be left out!"

"Hey, Lily," Zayn calm voice sounds through the phone.

"Hey, Zayn," I laugh.

"I'll be nice and give the phone back to Harry. Have a good night!"

"Thanks, Zayn. Have a good concert."

More scuffling.

"Hey, sorry about that." Harry has his phone back now but I can tell he's slightly more annoyed.

"That's alright."

"I should've just went to my own room."

I laugh as I hear the boys talking loudly in the background. "It's alright. I should go anyways. I have to do a bit of reading and then I'm going to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"No, please don't go," he whines. "I was an idiot and we didn't get to talk for three days. Please just stay until I go to take my nap?"

I sigh. He knows how persuasive he could be, especially when he's being cute like this.

"Fine. I guess I can read tomorrow morning before class."

"Yay! Now, talk to me about anything."

I find it sweet that Harry wants me to talk about anything just so I can stay on the phone. It's things like this that make me fall more and more in love with him every day.

"Well, El and I were thinking of each getting a dog. I've always wanted one. My dad never let me have one as a child. He hated things that shed."

"That's nice. What kind are you thinking of getting?"

"I love beagles. And so does El so we were thinking of adopting brother and sister beagles."

"And what are you going to name yours?"

"Well, if I have the girl beagle, I'm going to name her Ella. And if I have the boy beagle, I'm going to name him Olaf."

Harry laughs through the phone. "I love Olaf. Send me a picture if you do decide to get them."

"I will. We're going to visit the shelter this weekend."

"I wish I could go with you. I, um...I was actually thinking about adopting one...with you...together."

"Harry! You're going to adopt a child with Lily?!" Louis shouts.

I laugh out loud.

"Shut up! I was talking about a dog, you twat."

"Dog. Child. Same thing. Can I be the godfather?"

"No, you can't!" Harry groans. "Anyways, um...what do you think?" he asks nervously.

"I would love that. Maybe when you come back to London, we can get another one. Maybe we can get a bigger dog to protect Ella or Olaf and El's dog."

"Really?" I can practically hear the smile on his face.

"Yes, really. It'd give you another reason to come visit me."

"You're enough reason to come home to."

My heart flutters in my chest and my smile widens.

"AWWWW, HAZZA!" I hear a chorus of voices exclaim in the background. And just like that, the other four boys ruin the moment.

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