Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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30. Airport

Lily’s POV

“Harry Edward Styles! You’re going to miss your flight! Get your butt down here!”

“Don’t rush me!” I can hear the teasing in his voice as his voice goes higher to mock me.

I stand at the bottom of the stairs with my arms crossed across my chest. He asked me to go with him to the airport since him and the boys were leaving today. So one of his drivers picked me up at the flat and now I’m here at his house, waiting for him to come down with his luggage.

A few seconds later, I hear the thump of his shoes against the floor. He appears at the top of the stairs and rushes down the steps with his suitcase in his hand and a carry-on on his shoulder.

I’m about to teasingly scold him again but he grabs my hand and rushes us out the front door, locking it behind him.

“I told you to pack ahead of time.”

“I was going to but you distracted me.”

We reach the car and the driver takes his bags from him, putting them in the trunk.

“You could’ve asked me to help you. I would’ve been more than happy to help you pack.”

He opens the door for me and I step inside, Harry hopping in after me.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.” He grins at me. “Look, don’t worry. I’m not going to miss the flight. It’s our private jet so they’re not going to leave without me. And if they do, then that means that I get to fly to Paris with you tomorrow.”

Of course Harry would find something positive to come out of the possibility of him being late for his flight. However, I couldn’t allow him to be late. I feel like people will think that Harry is going to miss his flight on purpose so that he’d be able to go with me tomorrow.

But I know that Harry wouldn’t do that. The reason that they were leaving a day early is that they got booked for an extra interview tonight. He’s always been professional when it came to work so I know that I didn’t have to worry about it.

“Okay, Harry,” I reply sarcastically with a smile.

We ride in silence as I lean against his shoulder, our hands interlocked.

“Thank you for going to the airport with me.” His voice is shy and quiet and I look up to see him looking at me with worry lacing his features.

When Harry had asked me last night, he was worried because he had warned me that the fans and the paparazzi are the craziest when the boys go to the airport. He was worried that it might freak me out.

“Harry. You know that I’d go whether you had asked me to or not. I don’t care about the craziness. I don’t even notice it as long as I’m with you. Don’t worry about me.” I give him a reassuring smile and he finally returns it with one of his own.

“I just wish that our flight was still the same as yours. I’m going to be so bored on the plane.”

I laugh. “It’s only an hour flight. I think you’ll survive.”

His smile finally reaches his eyes as he laughs, looking like he’s forgotten about his worries.

“But how am I going to survive without seeing you tonight?”

“We can Skype. But I’ll be sleeping early since I have to get up early for the flight.”

“Yeah, okay. Sounds good.” He leans down to leave a quick kiss. “I can’t wait until you get to Paris tomorrow.”

The excitement that I’ve been feeling these past few days is starting to strengthen again. I honestly couldn’t wait until tomorrow. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. And now that I’ll be there with Harry, I was ecstatic.

“Me, too.” He looks down at my lips as I smile and I’m tempted to give him what we both want and kiss him but the car stops at the front of the airport and the driver gets out, going to the back of the car to retrieve Harry’s bags. Harry steps out and helps me out of the car.

The paparazzi are here and are snapping pictures but there’s a whole team of security here keeping them a safe distance away. I stand in front of Harry, facing him and he grabs my hand. We wait patiently as the other boys arrive in similar cars behind ours.

“Harry, will Lily be joining you in Paris?”

“Lily, are you going to Paris?”

Harry turns to the cameraman. “Please don’t talk to her.”

My eyes snap up to Harry, his face harsh as he stares down the cameraman. Harry’s never spoken to them like this in front of me. But I know that he has good intentions. I know he wouldn’t lash out at them just for the fun of it.

I tighten my grip on his hand but he doesn’t remove his stare from the cameraman.

“Harry, it’s okay,” I speak softly. I take his hand and pull him towards the other guys who are grabbing their suitcases. Harry takes his bags from the driver, thanking him before taking my hand once again. The security surrounds us and leads the way into the building. We head to the terminal and once we turn around a corner, we’re met with loud, ear-piercing screams. There’s a crowd of girls behind barricades off to the side.

I flinched at the sound, causing Harry to pull me closer to him. I see Zayn and Liam stop and take pictures with the fans and soon enough, Louis and Niall do the same.

“I’ll be right back, okay. Stay right here,” Harry says over the noise. I just nod in response. Harry lets go of my hand and joins the rest of the guys and takes pictures with the fans. I’m standing awkwardly by the security, watching the boys interact with the crowd.

Suddenly, my attention is caught once I hear my name being spoken.

“Lily! Lily, can we take a picture with you?”

I look over at the girl. She looks like she’s around 12 years old and she has ‘1D’ written on both of her cheeks. She’s standing near the end of the crowd and she’s smiling at me. I tense, not knowing what to do. Harry seems to have heard her too because he looks over at me with a smile. He motions his head, telling me to go ahead. I trust him so I slowly walk over to the girl, a smile on my face.

“Oh my gosh! Can you take a picture with me? I just think that you’re really pretty and I think that you and Harry are really cute together.”

My smile widens and I nod. “Of course. And thank you so much. That’s really sweet of you.” I walk right up to her and stand beside her as she holds out her phone in front of us. I see that she’s shaking so I take the phone and take the picture for her. I give it back to her and she’s smiling so widely.

“Have you been able to take a picture with the guys?” I ask. She looks over at them with a sad smile.

“No. They haven’t been able to come over here yet. But it’s okay. Just seeing them is good enough for me.”

She continues to watch the boys for a few more seconds before she turns back to me with a smile.

“Who’s your favourite from the band?” I ask her.

She starts to blush. “Niall,” she says shyly.

I smile at her. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

She nods with a confused look on her face before I turn and head towards Niall. He’s taking a picture with a girl and I wait until he’s finished before I walk up to him.

“Hey, Niall. Can you do me a favour?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“There’s this really sweet girl over there that I met and she really wants to take a picture with you.” I point towards the girl. She’s looking at the two of us with excitement and she waves at us. Niall waves back with a smile.

“Of course. I was just about to go over to that side.” We walk over to her and I can see her start to cry.

“Thank you, Niall.”

He gives me a smile. “No worries.”

We reach the girl and she has a hand covering her mouth.

“Hey. I brought you a little something,” I say to the girl. The girls around her are trying to get Niall’s attention but he focuses on the girl in front of us.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?” Niall says.

“Kayla.” Her voice is shaking.

“Hi, Kayla. I heard that you wanted a picture.”

She just nods in response.

“Here, I’ll take the picture.” I hold out my hand to her and she gives me her phone. Niall stands beside her, putting his arm around her shaking shoulders. They smile and I take a few pictures of them. I walk up to them and hand her her phone back.

“Thank you, Niall.”

“My pleasure. It was nice to meet you, Kayla.” He gives her one last smile before he walks to the side.

“Thank you so much, Lily. You’re amazing,” she says to me.

“No worries.” I smile at her. “Thank you for being so sweet to me.”

Niall starts taking pictures with the other girls around us and I see one of the security walk over to the other boys. They start to wave to the crowd before walking back to their bags. I follow Niall but I look over my shoulder and wave to Kayla. She waves back with the happiest look on her face.

I almost bump into Harry as I turn back around. He’s looking at me with a smile and he takes my hand and we start walking again.

“That was really sweet of you to do for that girl. I saw what you did.”

I look up at him and shrug. “She was being really nice to me. And I felt bad that she hadn’t been able to take a picture with you guys.”

“Why didn’t you ask me to take a picture with her?” He’s smirking at me and I roll my eyes.

“Sorry but her favourite is Niall.”

He laughs. “I know. I was just kidding. But really, that was great of you to do. I’m sure she really appreciates what you just did for her.”

My heart swells in my chest at the thought. I never really thought of it that way. I just thought that I was letting her take a picture with Niall but to her, she was finally able to take a picture with her favourite member of her favourite band. To her, it could bring her happiness that she’s always dreamed about.

The boys check in their bags before they’re lead through a door to the side that brings them into a room that allows the boys to go through security separately from everyone else. Unfortunately, this is as far as I can go. The other boys go first, giving me hugs before they leave.

Harry stands in front of me, holding both of my hands in his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he says. “I’ll miss you.” He leans in to place his lips on mine. We just let our lips linger, no movement, no urgency, just the feeling of not wanting to let go keeping our lips glued together.

We finally pull away and he instantly wraps his arms around my shoulders as he buries his face into my neck. I hug his waist tightly, inhaling the scent of his cologne to keep me sane until I see him tomorrow.

“I’ll miss you, too. And, actually, I’ll see you tonight. On Skype.” He leans back to look at me, his arms still around me.

“Right, I’ll see you tonight.” He peppers my face with light kisses as I stand there with a silly smile on my face.

“Just pretend that Ed got mad at me and he’s grounded me and he won’t let me see you tonight.”

He laughs. “Like you’d let Ed ground you.”

It’s my turn to laugh, agreeing with his statement. But I just wanted Harry to feel better. He has an interview tonight and I don’t want to keep him distracted.

We hear someone clear their throat and we turn our heads to look at one of Harry’s bodyguards.

“Sorry to interrupt but we have to go, Harry.”

Harry smiles and nods. “Alright.”

He turns back to face me and immediately leans down to kiss me. The kiss is much too short for my liking as he pulls away.

“Bye, Lily. I’ll talk to you later.”

I feel the pang of sadness hit my heart, the reality of Harry leaving finally hitting me. I know that it’s only for one night but I’m so used to seeing him every night. But I’ll see him tonight, even though it’ll be through a computer screen. That’s good enough for me.

“Bye, Harry. Have a safe flight.”

He gives me one more peck on the lips before he pulls away but he still holds onto one of my hands. I see him nod to someone beside me and I see one of the bodyguards walk up to us.

“Tom is going to take you back to the car. Our driver is there waiting.”

“Okay,” I reply.

He gives my hand one last squeeze and one last beautiful smile before he turns around and disappears around the corner.

“Are you ready to go, Miss Benson?” I turn to look at Tom. He looks to be around his 30s and he doesn’t seem to be as serious and scary as the other bodyguards.

“Yes. And you can call me Lily. It feels weird calling you Tom and you calling me by my last name when I’m younger than you.”

I smile and he laughs, already feeling less uncomfortable around him.

“Alright, sounds good to me, Lily.” He nods. “This way.” He leads the way back out the door that we came in and I walk beside him. When we reach the spot that the fans were in a while ago, I notice that the crowd thinned out immensely. There are only a handful of girls left and they notice my presence the second that me and Tom turn the corner. I also see some paparazzi off to the side but luckily, they just take pictures and don’t talk to me.

But then I hear the girls calling me.

“Hi, Lily!”

“Lily, why aren’t you going to Paris with Harry?”

“Can I take a picture with you?”

I look up at Tom and he just nods in response, letting me know that it’s okay.

“I’ll be real quick,” I reassure him.

I walk over to the girls and they smile as I reach them. I take a picture with all of them and some of them even give me things to give to the boys. There are some cards and pictures and stuffed toys. There’s even a scrapbook but I don’t open it, as it’s not for me.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure the boys get these.” I give them a reassuring smile and they thank me.

“It was nice meeting you guys. I have to go though.”

I wave as they say goodbye. It was nice and weird at the same time. This whole thing with the fans wanting to take pictures of me and talking to me was weird, as I never would have thought that it would happen to me. But it was nice because I got to meet some of the boys’ fans.

I walk beside Tom again and we make our way back to the car.

**

“Ugh, I miss you already.”

I laugh. “I miss you, too, Harry.” I smile at him through the screen. He’s cuddled up in bed as he clutches a pillow in front of him.

Harry and the rest of the boys just came back from their interview. They have the rest of the night to rest up for tomorrow but, against my protest for him to get some sleep, he texted me telling me to get on Skype.

“I won’t be able to pick you up at the airport since we’ll be in the middle of an interview but a driver is going to pick you and Perrie up and bring you to the hotel. They won’t let me share a room with you, same with Perrie and Zayn, so we booked a room for you and Perrie to share.”

“Alright, that’s fine. What time will we all meet up tomorrow?”

“Uhhh…let me check.” He takes out his phone and checks something before he looks back at me. “Our last interview is at 4 in the afternoon so maybe 6 or 7? I’ll text you when we’re done. But I actually have something planned for us so it’ll just be you and me.”

He gives me a toothy smile, causing me to giggle. “Okay. Can’t wait.”

“So, what are you going to do for the rest of the night?” he asks.

“Oh, I was just planning on working on some of my songs. I might have Ed help me once he gets home.”

“You mean that song that you two have been working on? The one about me?”

I roll my eyes. “I didn’t say it was about you.”

He chuckles. “But you didn’t say it wasn’t about me.”

I know he’s trying to trick me so I just shut my mouth and pretend to zip my lips closed. He just laughs and shakes his head.

“You’ll hear it soon, I promise.”

I’m planning on letting him listen to it once we get back from Paris. Actually, once he gets back from New York, as him and the boys are going there right after Paris. I don’t know whether Harry is planning to bring me to New York as well but I don’t bring it up as I don’t want to be embarrassed if he’s actually not planning on bringing me. I honestly wouldn’t mind. Him bringing me to Paris alone is sweet enough of him. Plus, I’d feel bad that Harry would have to pay for me again if I do go to New York.

So, when they come back from New York, hopefully, I’ll have the song done and I’ll be able to play it for Harry.

I see Harry yawn into the pillow.

“You should sleep, babe,” I say.

His head snaps up and a smirk appears on his face.

“What’d you call me?” I roll my eyes as he leans in closer to his laptop.

“Stop that or I won’t call you that anymore.” I blush as Harry smiles at me.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I love it when you call me that so I’ll stop.”

I blush even more. I clear my throat. “You should sleep, Harry. You’ve had a long day and you have work tomorrow.”

I look at the clock and see that it’s almost 10 at night but it’s an hour ahead in Paris so it’s almost 11 for Harry.

“Can you sleep with me? Like, you know, sleep at the same time…while still on Skype.” I see him blush and I smile.

I was planning on working on my songs even though I told him that I would sleep early for tomorrow. But I wasn’t sleepy and I could just sleep on the plane.

But now, with Harry wanting me to sleep with him while still on Skype, I couldn’t say no to that. I always see pictures on Tumblr with couples sleeping together while on Skype. I thought it was really cute and now I get to do it with Harry.

I smile and nod. “Sure, Harry. Let me just brush my teeth.”

He nods and I quickly run to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I come back into the room and see Harry lying down in bed, seeing as he’s now sideways on my screen. He’s all bundled up under the covers and I quickly take a screenshot to capture this cute moment.

I slide my laptop to the empty side of my bed before I slip under the blanket and lay down on my pillow.

“Goodnight, Harry.”

He gives me a sleepy smile. “Goodnight, Lily. Sweet dreams.”

His eyes close but there’s still a smile tracing his lips. I take a screenshot of the both of us on the screen, wanting to keep this moment forever.

Not even a few minutes ago, I was feeling wide awake with the plans of staying up and working on my songs, but now, as I look at Harry, who’s face is slowly softening as he’s being pulled into sleep, I start to feel sleepy myself. But I allow myself to look at Harry for a while longer, imagining that he’s physically here in my bed beside me.

I hear the light snores coming from Harry, knowing that he’s in deep sleep now.

And even though he’s asleep, I keep my laptop on, not wanting to end the call. My eyes are starting to droop and I allow myself to take one last look at Harry’s face before sleep pulls me under.

**

I wake with the sound of what I thought was my alarm waking me up to get ready for the flight, but after a few seconds, I realize that it’s my phone ringing. I slowly open my eyes and glance at the time. It’s 5:34 in the morning. I set my alarm for six. I grab my phone and look at the caller ID.

Marcus.

My heart drops. Marcus would only call at 5:30 in the morning if it were an emergency.

That could only mean one thing.

I quickly answer the phone and put it up to my ear.

“Marcus? What’s wrong?”

All I can hear is sniffling and Marcus gasping for air.

“Marcus?” I whisper. I know what’s coming and I can’t even prepare myself for the news.

“She…Lily…” He starts to cry. “My mom…” I close my eyes and my heart strains in my chest. “She passed away.”

Tears well up in my eyes and they quickly fall down my cheeks as I open my eyes. I sit up in bed, wiping the constant tears flowing down my cheeks.

“Marcus…I’m so sorry.”

He’s now sobbing and my heart hurts, not only for me but for him, too.

“I…I need you, Lily. The funeral is tomorrow and I don’t think I can do it without you there with me.”

“Of course, I’ll be there. I’ll catch a train today.” My mind is all over the place that I don’t even remember that I’m supposed to be getting on a plane today until I see my suitcase by the door.

I slap my hand across my forehead.

Shit.

What am I supposed to do?

I’m supposed to be getting on a plane in a few hours and go to Paris and be with Harry.

But Marcus needs me. He’s grieving right now and he needs someone to support him. His father is most likely taking this even harder than Marcus is so I know that he’s unable to comfort his son right now. And like Marcus told me, he has no one else. His friends all left him; I’m all he has left.

I don’t know what to do.

Harry said he has something planned for the trip. He seemed so excited about it every time he would talk about it. I glance over at the laptop, my heart racing, thinking that Harry woke up and he heard me but I breath a sigh of relief when I see that my laptop discharged.

“Lily, are you still there?” His voice sounds completely weak and broken.

“Yeah, sorry. Umm…Marcus?”

“Yeah?” He waits for my answer but I don’t know what to say. I don't know what to do. “Are you still coming to the funeral?”

If I go to the funeral, I’m going to upset Harry so much. I know I will. I know that he has something special planned and, knowing him, it was going to be amazing.

But, if I go to Paris, I’m going to feel incredibly bad for leaving Marcus to go through this alone while I’m there having fun with Harry. He needs a friend to support him through this difficult time.

All I know is that I’m going to upset one of them with whatever decision that I make.

All I have to figure out is what I should do.

What’s the right thing to do?

I can already see the hurt on his face as I finally make a decision. It’s the right thing to do.

 

 

“Marcus…I’ll be there.”

 

***********************

 

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