Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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37. After Party

PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER! IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!

Enjoy the chapter :)

 

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Harry’s POV

I’m supposed to be mad at her.

So why can’t I take my eyes off of her?

The second that I saw her on the red carpet, especially in that white dress, the world around me stopped. I could only see her.

And when she looked back at me, I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know whether to hate her more than anything else in the world for what she did to me or run up to her and take her in my arms.

That damn white dress. Why did she have to wear that dress? She knows how much I liked it on her. And her hair and makeup is almost exactly how it was on the night of our first date. Is she trying to torture me?

And when we caught up with her and Ed, I was slightly disappointed when she didn’t even acknowledge my presence, she didn’t even say ‘hi’ to me or give me a hug like she did with everyone else.

I don’t blame her though.

And when Ivana had the nerve to start a conversation with her after I told her not to talk to Lily, I started to regret bringing her as my date. I wanted to bring Gemma but I could only bring one of them.

And I had to bring her.

And now, we’re seated at our table with Ed and Lily sitting at the one beside ours.

I watched her as she conversed with Ed. She seems…fine. She doesn’t look heartbroken like I am right now. She doesn’t look like she’s lost sleep like I have these past few nights. She doesn’t look like she misses me.

I rip my gaze away from her, remembering why I’m doing all of this. She hurt me. She hurt me in a way that she told me she would never do. She cheated on me and I didn’t know what to do.

But I had to do something to get my mind off of her.

First, I officially ended things with her. It’s all over the news so she probably knows the reason why.

Second, I found myself a new girlfriend. I had to distract myself from Lily. Thoughts of her were consuming me and eating away at my brain.

And I haven’t spoken to her since. And she hasn’t bothered to talk to me, either. And it shows how much she doesn’t care, how much she didn’t really care about me. She didn’t even bother talking to me about it after I broke up with her over text. I would’ve been happy if she had come to me and started yelling at me, telling me that she hates me, that she never wants to see me again but I got nothing.

She doesn’t care.

But then I start to feel the guilt about how I handled things. I shouldn’t have broken up with her through a text. But I didn’t know how else to do it. I couldn’t call her while I was in New York because I knew that once I heard her voice, I’d be done. I’d forget what she did and I would forgive her.

But she hurt me and this is how I ended up handling it.

I look up when I hear Ed greeting someone. I see the lads from 5SOS standing by Ed’s table and then Ed introduces them to Lily. I see her stand up and shake hands with them.

And then, my jaw tenses as I see her shake hands with Ashton before he says something to her that I can’t hear that makes her blush. Thankfully, Ed breaks them apart and they sit down.

I keep my eyes glued on them, lucky that Ivana is busy with her phone. Lily starts talking to Ashton and I catch them laughing a few times throughout the conversation. And then, he pulls out his phone and I start to freak out thinking that he’s going to ask for her number but then I see him take out a pair of headphones and he hands her one of them. They seem to be listening to a song and I can see Lily nodding her head lightly to a beat. She hands him back the earbud a few minutes later and she says something to him that makes him blush.

I clench my fists on the table. I don’t know why it’s bothering me this much. I shouldn’t be jealous. She’s back with Marcus.

Wait…

If she’s back with Marcus, why is she flirting with Ashton?

I don’t know what’s going on with me but I find myself feeling the need to do something. Before I can stop myself, I stand up and look down at Ivana, who looks up at me with confusion.

“Do you mind if we switch seats with my friends at that table?”

She looks over and I see her slightly narrow her eyes when they land on Lily.

“Why?”

“I…I need to talk to Calum about something.”

She looks back at me and raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to talk to Calum?” her tone challenging.

I roll my eyes. “Yes, Calum. Now are you going to go with me or not? You can stay here if you want.”

She scoffs before grabbing her purse and standing up. We walk over to the other table and stand in front of Ashton and Lily. Ashton is about to say something but I clear my throat.

They both look up at me but I keep my eyes on Ashton.

“Um…Ashton, Niall wanted to talk to you so I offered to switch seats with you and Michael.”

Ashton’s looks up at me with confusion and then glances behind me, most likely at Niall.

Shit, I should’ve asked Niall to go along with my plan.

Well, too late now. I just need to keep these two away from each other. And I still have no idea why I’m doing this.

“Uh, just tell him that I’ll talk to him later.” Ashton turns away from me and looks over at Lily again but I make no move to walk away.

“And…I, uh, need to talk to Calum,” I add.

I can tell that he’s starting to get annoyed but I don’t give a shit.

He looks between me and Lily. I know that he knows about the two of us so maybe that will help keep him away from her.

“Harry, can you just talk to him later?” Ivana whines from beside me. I forgot that she was even here. I choose to ignore her and continue to look at Ashton.

Ashton looks at Lily and I see her shrug.

Finally, Ashton pushes his chair back but looks at Lily once again. “We’ll talk again later?”

I can see her nod from the corner of my eyes. “Yeah, of course. Maybe I can convince someone to switch seats with me for a bit. I wanted to talk to the girls as well.”

He smiles back at her. “Perfect. I’ll talk to you later.”

Why is he trying so hard? There are plenty of other girls here, why does he have to choose Lily?

Maybe because she’s beautiful and charming.

I shake my head, stopping my thoughts about Lily.

I just roll my eyes as Ashton and Michael finally stand up and head over to my previous table.

I see Lily adjust herself in her seat so she’s facing forwards again. I walk over to the chair beside Lily’s and contemplate on sitting there but before I can make a decision, Ivana steps in front of me and takes the seat. Annoyance creeps in my body but I just take a deep breath and take the seat beside her and Calum.

Ivana instantly wraps her arms around me and I see Lily turn away and she starts to talk to Ed.

I want to rip her bony arms off of me. I just want to be comfortable and not have her suffocate me, physically and mentally.

The show starts with the Arctic Monkeys opening with a performance. I should be watching the show but I can’t take my eyes off of Lily. She’s so mesmerized, her smile lighting up the whole room. I can feel myself getting jealous again as she talks to Ed throughout the performance. That could be the two of us. It would be me that she would be whispering to throughout the night.

But no. Even though she’s only two seats away from me, it feels like she’s all the way on the other side of the room.

She’s the one that caused all of this. She’s the one that cheated on me. She’s the one that ended what I thought was the most perfect thing that I had.

I finally tear my gaze away from her when the performance is over and the awards show continues. Ivana still clings to me until I realize that me and lads are being presented the Global Success Award so I subtly move out of her arms. When Rosie Huntington-Whiteley calls us up, I stand up and so does Ivana. I was really hoping that she would stay in her seat.

With the cameras all around us, I can’t stop her from kissing me. When she does, I make sure it stops as quickly as possible, hoping that Lily doesn’t catch it. But she does and I see her look away quickly.

I meet up with the other lads and we walk up to the stage. We say our speech, thanking our management, our family and friends, and the fans before we head back to our seats.

“Baby, you looked so great up there.” Ivana puts her arms around me again.

I grimace at her superficial compliment. I just received the Global freaking Success Award and she’s complimenting me about how I looked. She should be congratulating me about--

“Congratulations, Harry.”

My head snaps up at her voice. My heart skips at beat as I look at her. She seems surprised at her sudden outburst as me, Ivana and Ed look over at her.

Did she just compliment me? I’m surprised she even spoke to me.

It takes me a while to make my brain comprehend what just happened and to think of something to reply.

“Thanks, Lily.”

I see Ivana narrowing her eyes at Lily and then at me but, again, I ignore her.

Lily looks away much too quickly and she doesn’t say anything to me for the rest of the show, partially because she switched seats with Michael halfway through the show to talk to Perrie and Eleanor.

And Ashton.

Lily’s POV

“So, when are you going to talk to Harry?” Eleanor asks me.

Eleanor, Perrie and I are seated on one of the couches as the guys went to the bar to get drinks. However, Ivana would not leave Harry’s side, causing him to get separated from the other guys occasionally.

I shrug as I look over at him and his koala standing off to the side. He’s leaning against one of the tall tables looking everywhere but at Ivana.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can with that leech gluing herself to him.”

Perrie and Eleanor laugh and I feel a smile growing on my face.

“She’s so annoying. Zayn and I were in the car with them and all she asked about was how she looked and she looked at herself in the mirror the entire car ride,” Perrie says.

“I have a plan! Perrie and I will distract her and you can talk to Harry,” Eleanor suggests.

I have no idea how they’re going to be able to get Ivana away from Harry but I have faith in them to come up with a devious plan.

I nod and Perrie and Eleanor stand up, taking their drinks with them. I see them approach Harry and Ivana and they talk for a couple of minutes before Ivana warily looks at Harry before she follows Perrie and Eleanor through the crowd.

I take a deep breath and stand up. Before I can take two steps towards Harry, Ashton appears in front of me.

“Hey, you.”

I look up and smile at him before glancing over his shoulder to see Harry looking at me. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are hard as he stares at me and Ashton.

I look back at Ashton. “Sorry…um, I’ll be right back. I just have to--”

I glance back at the spot where Harry was but I find him nowhere in sight. I search the club but I have no luck in finding him.

Damn it.

“Never mind,” I mutter as I smile back at him. “What’s up?”

“Not much. I was getting bored and then I saw you so I thought that I would come and talk to you.”

I just nod before we take our seats on the couch.

“So why does it look like Harry wants to kill me?”

I snap my head up at him. “Wh…what do you mean?”

He grins at me and glances over my shoulder, nodding towards something. I look over my shoulder and see Harry leaning against the bar with the other guys. But he’s looking this way, not sure whether he’s looking at me or at Ashton.

“It’s…nothing.” I turn back to look at Ashton, not understanding Harry’s actions. I thought we were fine - or our own definition of fine - after the awards show. He seemed fine with me talking to him after I congratulated him but now he’s giving me the cold shoulder.

“It’s obviously not nothing. Look, I know that something’s going on between you two. I could tell from when he made me switch seats with him. I could see how uncomfortable you were when he was standing there. That’s why I tried to convince him not to switch with me. Oh! And when I went over to sit beside Niall after Harry told me that he wanted to talk to me, Niall said he had no idea what I was talking about.”

What?

I look at him with confusion while he laughs.

“Oh, come on, I know you’re smarter than this.” He waits for me to get what he’s thinking but I have no idea.

He rolls his eyes and smiles. “He obviously did that to get me away from you.”

My eyes widen at his words.

“I know about the two of you. I saw it on the news and on Twitter.” He holds his hands out in front of him. “I know I was…flirting with you a bit at the show but you seem like a cool girl. But I would never go for one of my best mates’ girl.”

I sigh. “Don’t worry, I’m not his anymore.”

I don’t know why I’m telling him about all of this. I just met him today. But he seems like an easygoing guy.

“I think you are or he wouldn’t be giving me the death glare from across the room. No, don’t look at him!” He exclaims just as I’m about to look over at Harry again. I stop myself and keep my eyes on Ashton.

“You still have feelings for him, don’t you?”

I hesitantly nod. “It’s complicated though. And he has a girlfriend now.”

He huffs out a huge breath from his mouth, knowing that he couldn’t argue against that. “Well, from what I can see, he’s been looking at you more than he’s been looking at that koala.”

I laugh the hardest I’ve laughed for the longest time. “That’s what I’ve been calling her.”

He laughs along with me but he quickly stops once he looks over at my shoulder.

“Wow, if looks could kill.”

I resist the urge to look over my shoulder but from his choice of words, I know I’d rather not see what Harry looks like right now.

I have no idea why he would be acting this way. He has his girlfriend here with him. Shouldn’t he be having a great time with her tonight?

“Wanna have a little fun with him?”

I look up at Ashton with curiousity.

“Koala Bear has obviously been trying to make you jealous and Harry seems to have no problem with going along with it. It’s funny cause he’s worse when I’m around you.”

He nods at something behind me. “You can look now.”

I glance over my shoulder and see that Ivana had found her way back to Harry and has resumed her position at his side with her arms around him. Harry glances towards us before he looks back at Ivana and places his arm around her waist.

I grit my teeth and look away.

“What did you have in mind?”

My eyes widen as he leans close to me and places his face close to my ear.

“Pretend that I just said something funny,” he whispers.

I smile and whisper back in his ear. “Why don’t you just make me laugh? It’ll make it more believable. I suck at acting.”

His laugh tickles my ear and I giggle.

“Well, Harry is giving me the death glare again and Koala Bear is trying to climb higher on the Harry tree.”

I laugh out loud. I start to get the hang of our little plan and I find myself placing my hand on Ashton’s knee.

“Shit.”

I lean back and look up from Ashton’s worry-filled voice. His eyes are wide and a frown accompanies his features.

“What--”

My heart drops and my breath catches in my throat when I look over my shoulder to see Harry immersed in a passionate kiss with Ivana. My eyes mist and I have to look away.

I stand up and grab Ashton’s arm, pulling him up. “I need a drink.”

We make our way over to the other bar at the other side of the club and I order four shots. Ashton orders a beer and we hold up our drink in front of us.

“Let’s get shitfaced tonight?” I ask.

The rest of his band joins in on our toast.

“Shitfaced!” they exclaim together.

We tap our drinks together before we put our drinks up to our mouths and drink. I don’t stop, not allowing the image of Harry with his tongue down Koala Bear’s throat to creep into my mind. I take all four of my shots one after the other and I can feel the warmth from the alcohol spread throughout my entire body, pushing away the images of Harry and Ivana.

I feel someone grab my arm and I see Perrie and Eleanor.

“What are you doing?” Perrie asks.

“We thought you were going to talk to Harry,” Eleanor asks.

“I got caught up with Ashy here,” I slur. I pinch Ashton’s cheeks and he just grins at the two other girls. “Plus, Harry was too busy sucking faces with Bear Koala. I mean, Koala Bear.”

Ashton and I giggle.

Perrie narrows her eyes. “Who the heck is Koala Bear?”

“The one that’s been clinging to him the entire night.”

Perrie and Eleanor look over at the guys but I don’t join them. I can’t look at him anymore.

They turn back to me and sigh. “I guess it all turned out well. I think she was catching onto us and she snuck away from us to get back to Harry. She would’ve caught you with him.”

I shrug. “I wouldn't care if she caught us. We were just gonna talk.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll be able to tonight. We’ll figure it out tomorrow when you’re sober,” Perrie says, smirking at me.

I nod. “Good. Cause I don’t have the powers to figure things out right now.”

Perrie and Eleanor snort at my drunken state and I order three more shots. I really just wanted to forget this night.

The girls eventually make their way back to their boyfriends so I’m left alone with Ashton.

“Let’s be best friends,” he slurs, sticking out his pinkie finger as he sways back and forth.

I giggle. “Best friends forever.” I struggle to link my pinkie with his since I’m starting to see double now but eventually I do and we laugh.

I lose my balance but Ashton catches me and supports me.

“Alright, Lily, I think it’s time for you to go home.” I see Ed appear from behind Ashton and he gives me a stern look.

I step out of Ashton’s arms and cross mine in front of me. “No. I’m having fun with Ashy. We just promised to be best friends forever.”

Ed rolls his eyes but it’s accompanied with a smile. “How much have you had to drink?”

“How much have you had to drink?” I poke his chest and laugh.

“Lily, please go home before you embarrass yourself.”

He grabs my arm and leads me somewhere. I quickly grab Ashton’s wrist so that he can follow. Ed leads me back to the others and I notice that Harry and Koala Bear are gone.

They must have gone back to his place to finish their makeout session. I feel a burning in my throat and I don’t know whether it’s from the alcohol or from the thoughts of what Harry and Koala Bear could be doing right now.

“Say goodbye to everyone,” Ed orders.

Even though it annoys me that Ed is telling me what to do, I’m kind of glad that I get to go home. I’m tired, my feet hurt, I have a huge headache and I just want to sleep.

I say ‘goodbye’ to everyone and hug the girls last.

“We’ll call you tomorrow,” Perrie says.

I nod.

I hug Eleanor last. “Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of you. I thought he was going to go up to Ashton and beat him up.”

We pull away and I give them a smile. I know that they’re just trying to cheer me up but it doesn’t work. Harry and Koala Bear left and who knows what they’re doing right now.

I really don’t think Harry cared about me tonight. His actions confused me but I don’t think that he had any intention of talking to me tonight. I sat at the same table with him for half of the awards show and he barely spoke to me, apart from the time that he thanked me for congratulating him.

And he didn’t even say one word to me here at the party.

I just wanted to go home and sleep.

“Bye, guys.” I wave to everyone and link my arm through Ed’s as we make our way to the doors.

“I’ll be back guys,” Ed says as we walk away.

“Wait, you’re not going home with me?” I pout.

“I’m just going to stay a little bit longer. I need to talk to some people before I go. I’ll be home soon. I’ll have the car bring you home and I’ll take a taxi.”

I line up at the coat check and realize that Ashton is with us as well.

“I think I’ll be okay from here,” I say to Ed. He looks warily between Ashton and I.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t worry. Remember, we’re best friends. Just friends.”

It’s Ed’s turn to roll his eyes before he lets go of me. “Fine. I’ll see you later. Call me if you need anything. The driver will meet you at the front.”

“Yes, sir!” I say and add a little salute before he walks away.

When he’s out of sight, I turn to Ashton. “I had fun tonight. I’m glad I met you.”

“Yeah, you too.” He runs his hand at the back of his head and looks down at the ground. “Um…I was wondering…if…if I could have you number…so we can keep in touch…and stuff. I promise I’m not trying anything on you. I just think you’re really cool. And like we promised, we’re best friends now.” He gives me a toothy smile and I laugh.

I nod. “Yeah, of course.”

He pulls out his phone and I save my number into the contacts. I hand it back to him and give him a smile before I walk up to the little booth to get my jacket.

I put it on and I step off to the side. “So, I’ll talk to you later. Don’t worry, we’ll definitely keep in touch.”

He smiles at me before I step forward and wrap my arms around him. He returns the hug.

“It was nice to meet you, Lily.”

“You, too. Hopefully we’ll get to see each other soon, maybe we won’t be as intoxicated as we are now.”

We laugh as we pull away.

“Bye, Ashton.”

“Bye.”

I wave to him over my shoulder. I step out of the club and into the cold night air. The paparazzi start taking pictures of me but I ignore them. I see the driver that drove us to the O2 and walk over to him. He gives me a smile and opens the door for me. I quickly hop inside and he closes the door behind me.

He goes into the driver’s seat and starts the car.

“Back to Ed’s flat, miss?”

I nod as he looks at me from the rearview mirror. “Yes, please.”

He pulls out and onto the road and drives off.

Now that silence fills me, no loud music, no chatter from people around me, my thoughts start to yell at me.

And all of those thoughts are of Harry.

I was really hoping to talk to him tonight but I seemed to have come across every possible barrier to get there, not allowing me to get the opportunity. And now, I don’t know when, and if, I’ll be able to get other opportunity to talk to him.

The alcohol is still running strong in my veins as I close my eyes.

I really wanted to talk to him.

Screw Harry for not talking to me.

Screw Koala Bear for not letting me get the chance to get him alone.

I need to talk to him.

I have to talk to him.

I open my eyes as I get an idea.

An extremely stupid, compulsive idea.

“Excuse me, sir?” I lean forwards closer to the driver.

“Yes, miss?”

“Would it be possible to take me somewhere else?”

“Of course. Where to?”

Harry’s POV

I step out of the shower and put the towel around my waist.

I’m glad that I’m home now. I couldn’t stand one more second in that club. I couldn’t stand to see Lily flirting with Ashton the whole night and him with her. They were all over each other and I could tell that she was drunk. I wanted to go over there and hit the drink out of her hands. I know how she is when she’s drunk and I hated the idea of her being that way around Ashton.

I remember when she got drunk when she went out for girls’ night. The night that we had our first real kiss. I remember taking her back to Ed’s place and she was teasing me, touching me. My mind went crazy at the thought of her doing that with Ashton.

So I had to get out of there. I couldn’t look at them for one more second.

I change into a pair of boxer briefs and run the towel through my hair one more time before I throw it on my chair and plop down on the bed, ready to go to sleep.

Just as I close my eyes, I hear a very loud and continuous knock.

My eyes shoot open, wondering who would be knocking at my door at two in the morning. The knocks don’t stop and it’s starting to get annoying. I know that it’s not some crazy fan breaking into my house because there’s a security system with a locked gate that can only be opened by a passcode or if I open it from here.

And I’ve only given the passcode to my closest friends and family.

The knocking still doesn’t stop but I can tell that it’s getting quieter and slower. I get up and walk downstairs to the front door. I look through the peephole but only see the top of someone’s head. It looks like they’re leaning against the door.

Assuming that it was safe, I open the door and a body comes crashing down to the floor.

A quiet groan comes from the body sprawled out on the ground and I immediately know who it is when I see the white dress that she’s wearing.

Lily.

 

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Sooo, I've been thinking lately and some people know that I post my stories on here AND on Wattpad. I've been wanting to focus on just posting on Wattpad because this app has been giving me problems lately. I'm not sure when that will be. I might finish this story first or I might start only posting on Wattpad after a few chapters. If you have Wattpad, I encourage you to read my stories on there and if you don't have Wattpad, I really recommend it because I post based off of the votes and comments I get on there. So when I get a certain number of votes on Wattpad, that's when I post the next chapter.

My username on there is the same, it's sheeriostyles.

Sorry if this is an inconvenience for people who don't have Wattpad but I really would like to just post my stories on one site.

That's it for that, I'll keep you guys updated about it.

​So, let me know what you think of this chapter! It's been my favourite to write so far, especially the parts with Lily and Ashton! :P

Please please please like and comment. Comments motivate me to write :)

Follow me on twitter for updates about my story, @sheeriostyles

And talk to me on kik, I really enjoy talking to you guys on there, username is livelaughlove47

Thanks for reading!

Love you guys <3

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