Change My Mind

I don’t know if I’ll ever love someone as great as Harry so that’s why I never want to forget this feeling. That’s why I’m scared of moving on. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be in love with Harry Styles, especially the feeling I got when Harry Styles used to love me back.

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27. Acceptance

Lily’s POV

I gasp as Harry’s falls to the ground. Ed goes on top of him and is about to hit him again but Harry shoves him away. Ed is about to grab him again but I rush to them and use all my strength to pull him off of Harry.

“Stop it! Why the hell did you do that?!” I shriek at him as I kneel down beside Harry and help him into a sitting position. He’s clutching his nose and, not a second later, I see blood running down his chin.

I pull his hand away and see blood oozing out of both nostrils. “Oh my gosh, Harry! Are you okay?”

He looks a little bit dazed. I reach over and grab the towel hanging on the back of the chair and wipe the dripping blood before pressing it onto his nose.

“I’m fine,” he reassures me as he holds the towel in my place.

“Stay here,” I say.

He nods before I stand up and face Ed, glaring at him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I say.

“What’s wrong with me? I see my two best friends lying in bed together and you think something’s wrong with me?”

“Yes. If you had let me explain, you wouldn’t have had to punch your best friend in the face.”

I understand how it must have seemed to see me and Harry in bed together. But we didn’t do anything. Of course we should have told him right away but I wanted to wait until he got home to tell him in person.

“There’s nothing to explain. You two are hooking up behind my back! In my own place, may I add.”

Irritation grows inside of me and I hear scuffling behind me. I look behind me and see Harry getting up and moving to the end of the bed. His expression is unreadable as he looks at me. I turn back to face Ed, crossing my arms.

“Me and Harry are not ‘hooking up’, Ed. I really care about him.”

“Oh, really?” He raises an eyebrow at me and chuckles humourously.

“Yes, really. If you don’t believe that, then that’s your problem.”

He shakes his head. “I find it hard to believe when I told him to stay away from you.”

“What?” I ask incredulously.

I see him glance over my shoulder before looking back at me. “When you arrived here, I made him promise to stay away from you, to keep things between you as friends. Shows how much of a friend he really is.”

“Why would you do that? That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard of. You knew that I liked him and you still did that. I can’t believe you,” I say through gritted teeth. “Why are you so against me being with Harry?”

He remains silent but his eyes are still slightly narrowed.

“He makes me happy, Ed,” I say softly. “He makes me feel special.”

“And what’s going to happen when it doesn’t work out? He’s done this with other girls, make them feel special and then he throws them away.”

I can sense that Ed was implying something with his statement. It takes me a while to remember Harry’s most recent ex. The one who’s good friends with Ed right now. I understand that he thinks that Harry’s going to treat me the same way and that he’s trying to stand up for Taylor. But this has nothing to do with her. This is about me and Harry and what we have now.

“You can’t think like that. I really think that me and Harry are going to work out. And you need to believe that, too.”

“Yeah, well you thought that about Marcus too, and look where it got you.”

I’m taken aback by his words. That was a low blow.

My eyes are misting but I refuse to cry about this. Suddenly, I feel an arm rest on my back. I look up and see Harry standing beside me, anger present on his features. His nose has stopped bleeding but there’s still dried blood on it and it’s red and slightly swollen.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say that to her?” Harry spits. “And I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my business regarding Taylor. You two may be friends but last time I checked, so are you and me. You shouldn’t be bringing it up right now, it has nothing to do with this.”

“You stay out of this. I don’t even know why you’re still here. You need to get out of my place right now,” Ed threatens. “And I brought it up because I know that the same thing’s going to happen with Lily. And I don’t want you hurting her.”

“I’m not leaving until we resolve this. And I’m not going to hurt her.”

“Yeah, I highly doubt that,” he says. “Me and Lily can resolve this on our own. You’ve caused enough trouble as it is. Now leave.”

Harry’s about to respond but I interrupt him. “Harry has a right to be here just as much as I do.”

Two pairs of eyes dart to me but I just stare back at Ed, my jaw clenched.

“Lily. You’ve known him for what? Three, four weeks. You can’t possibly like him this much.”

“You don’t know anything about us. We really like each other. We’re together and you have to accept that.”

I don’t know why Ed won’t even take a second to realize that I really care about Harry. He seems so adamant on convincing all of us that me and Harry aren’t going to work out. I respect Ed’s opinion about everything so it bothers me that he doesn’t like the idea of me and Harry together.

“I don’t have to accept anything and you have to accept that.”

“Ed, like I told you, I…I love her.”

I look up at Harry and stares back at me with pure adoration. Smiles erupt on both of our faces and I find myself leaning closer to his body.

“You need to get out. Now.”

Both of us look over at Ed. He seems to get agitated once again and it looks like he’s about to explode any second.

“You know what? I will leave. I think that you need to calm the hell down first and then we’re going to talk about this again whether you like it or not.”

Ed glares at him. “Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he drawls.

Harry rolls his eyes before turning to face me and takes my hands in his. He opens his mouth to say something but then he glances over at Ed. “You mind giving us some privacy?”

I tense as I look over at Ed. “This is my place. I can do whatever the hell I want.”

Harry smirks and shrugs before he faces me again. “Alright.”

Before I can react, Harry leans in and kisses me. Hard.

I’m left breathless as he pulls away, a smirk still present on his face. “I’ll see you later.”

I don’t know how to react. I know he exaggerated the kiss because Ed was watching but it’s not like I didn’t enjoy it.

I just nod, still lightheaded from the kiss. Reluctantly, I look over at Ed and see him absolutely seething.

I turn back to Harry and clear my throat. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Harry gives me a short smile and a nod before I take his hand and lead him to the front door. I avoid Ed’s gaze as we walk past him and I walk a bit quicker than I usually would. Harry didn’t even bother changing out of his pajamas, consisting of a black shirt and sweatpants.

I open the door and step outside with him, closing it behind us. I turn around and face him.

“I’m so sorry for…for him hitting you and…for the things he said,” I blubber.

“No, I should be the one that’s sorry. I should’ve listened to you and went home last night. If I hadn’t stayed, none of this would’ve happened.”

I sigh. “It’s okay. Neither of us knew that he was actually going to come home early. As much as I would like to turn back time, I wouldn’t want to change anything about last night.”

He smiles as I recall the sweet words Harry said to me. And then it reminds me of the three words he said just moments ago.

I love her.

He’s said it twice now and both times, I was in bliss.

“Look, I know I threw you a hard ball when I said…those words,” Harry says, suddenly looking adorably uncomfortable. “But I don’t regret saying them. And…I don’t know whether you’d be comfortable with me saying it again but--”

“Say it,” I blurt out. His face brightens as I bite my bottom lip, attempting to hide my smile.

He grins and takes a step closer to me. “I love you, Lily. I know that we’ve only known each other for…not even a month but…I love you. I want to tell you every reason that I love you but I’m afraid that Ed might come out and hit me again.”

My bottom lip escapes from between my teeth as a smile erupts on my face.

“And you don’t have to say it back, don’t feel like you have to,” Harry says. “I mean, you don’t have to say it now. Like, you can in the future when…when you, you know, love me back--I mean, if you ever do. Well, I mean, I hope you do…but yeah, you don’t have to--”

“Just shut up, Harry.” I laugh. I put my arms around him as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t love you…” His face falls slightly. “…yet.” And just as quickly as his smile disappeared, it’s replaced with an even bigger one. “I’m definitely falling for you, Harry. I want you to know that. I’m just…taking my time. You understand that, right?”

He nods, giving me a reassuring look. “I understand. Completely.”

I smile and lean up to give him a quick kiss.

“Anyways, I should go. But let me know what’s going to happen tomorrow. You still want to talk to Ed, I’m guessing.” He smirks at me and I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, we have to. I’ll try to calm him down.” I shake my head. “This is not how I wanted this to go.”

He takes my chin with his finger and lifts my head up to look at him.

“I’m sorry it had to happen this way. Trust me, I’d have it any other way.” I laugh as he points to his still swollen nose.

He smiles. “Don’t worry too much about it. He’ll understand soon. He just needs some time.”

I nod in response.

He brushes my hair behind my ear and rests his hand on my cheek. He leans in and I close the distance before placing my lips on his. His hand slides down to wrap around my waist, pulling me closer. I lightly run my hand through his hair as his lips continue to move against mine.

This kiss seems to mean so much more now that I know Harry’s true feelings about me. And I can’t wait to see what things will be like when I finally return those feelings.

**

“He doesn’t love you, Lily.”

“How the hell do you know how he feels? Is that why you punched him? Because you don’t think he meant it when he said that he loves me?”

The second that I stepped foot back inside the flat, Ed didn’t waste time continuing the argument we were having before Harry left.

“Yeah! It’s been four f*cking weeks and you two have only been together for two of them, he can’t possibly love you already.”

I raise an eyebrow at him at his somewhat rude remark. “Ouch? Way to put it lightly, Ed. Nice to know you think that people can’t love me that quickly.”

He seems to realize what he said and guilt washes over his features. “I didn’t mean it like that, I…”

“Then how did you mean it?”

He remains silent, not knowing how to explain.

I take a deep breath. “Why can’t you just accept it that me and Harry are together and we really care about each other?”

He slumps slightly before falling back to sit on the couch. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands.

“I don’t want him to hurt you,” he whispers.

I slowly walk over to him and sit on the coffee table, right in front of him.

“Ed, I thought we had this discussion already. You can’t always be there to protect me from getting hurt. That’s not what I need from you. What I need from you is support and acceptance of my choices. I really like him, Ed. He…he makes me happy. And I know what you’re going to say. I said that about Marcus and look where it got me? But, right now, I don’t think that Harry would do that. But if it happens…it happens. I can’t go on with life thinking that every guy I meet is going to hurt me like Marcus hurt me. It’s not going to get me anywhere. I feel like I’m at the right place with Harry. I feel like I was meant to come here and meet him. I think he’s meant to be in my life.”

Ed is now looking at me, his hands clasped in front of him. I wait patiently for him to say something.

He takes a deep breath. “I…I didn’t think it was that serious between you two. When you first got here and I had a feeling that Harry liked you, I panicked. The fact that you two just met and he already liked you, it worried me because I thought that he just wanted to have a fun fling with you. And when you said that you liked him, too, I freaked out even more. I didn’t know what to do. So…that’s why I made him promise not to try anything on you. But I guess I couldn’t really stop whatever it is that happened between you two. But I saw how much more happy you got once you guys started hanging out. You weren’t worrying about Marcus anymore and I saw that you were better. A couple of times, I actually thought that there was something happening between you two but I told myself that you wouldn’t hide it from me.” He grins and I smile back. “I really wish you would’ve told me from the beginning so I didn’t have to find you two sleeping on your bed and then punch him.”

I laugh. “Well, I wanted to but I wanted to see how things between me and Harry worked out first. I didn’t want you to worry about it if it turns out that we don’t work out. But it did. And when we made it official, I wanted to tell you but you were away in LA and I wanted to wait until you got back to tell you in person. I wish you would’ve told me that you were coming home early so you wouldn’t have to see me and Harry sleeping in bed and then punch him in the face.”

He laughs. “Well, at least now I know.”

“You should really apologize to Harry for hitting him.”

“I know, I know. I will. But he kind of deserved it for staying in my flat when I wasn’t here.”

We laugh, the atmosphere lightening.

“So you two are actually serious. It’s legit?”

I smile and roll my eyes. “Yes, Ed. We’re together and yeah, it’s pretty serious. I mean, you may not see it this way but we’re taking things slow and just getting to know each other right now.”

“Do you love him?”

I tense in my seat, my eyes widening for a second. I look down at me fingers, which have started to fidget with my shirt. I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m definitely falling for him but I don’t want to rush into it. I want to take my time.”

He nods. “That’s good. I mean, you should do that. But if you don’t mind me asking…”

He pauses and he starts to look uncomfortable.

“What?”

He sighs. “What’s going to happen when you go back home?”

My eyes dart back down to my lap. I was surprised by his question. I didn’t think he would ask something about that.

However, this thought has been haunting me since Harry asked me to be his girlfriend.

What’s going to happen when I have to leave to go back to school?

Are we going to try a long-distance relationship where Harry is across the world for half of the year?

Or are we going to break up no matter where we are in our relationship, knowing that we won’t be able to handle being apart from each other that long?

“What’s going to happen when you fall in love with him and you have to leave?”

I look up and give him a weak smile. “I don’t know,” I say softly. “The only thing we can do is wait for that day. I don’t want to worry about that day until it gets here. I just want to spend my time here having fun with him and you and everyone else.”

He returns my smile with one of his and nods. Suddenly, he sighs and stands up. “Well, I’ve had a long day, I’m gonna go sleep. We’ll talk about this again tomorrow.”

I stand up. “You’re going to talk to Harry tomorrow, right?”

He takes his hand and ruffles my hair. “Yes, I will. Um, I’ll tell him to come over tomorrow afternoon.”

I smile and nod. “Okay.”

We head to the hallway and make our way to our rooms. He stops at his door and turns around to face me.

“I really hope things work out between you two. I know both of you guys really well and I can see that you two are good for each other.” His face reddens and I smile.

“Thank you, Ed. It’s really nice to hear that from you.”

He just nods before he turns around and goes into his room, closing the door behind him.

It was really nice to know that Ed thinks that. I would’ve have thought that after how he reacted when he found out about me and Harry. The fact that Ed somewhat accepts our relationship, it takes a great weight off of my shoulders. He’s my best friend, so obviously I care about his opinion.

I collapse on my bed and my eyes instantly droop. It’s almost three in the morning and I’m feeling the drowsiness take over.

It was a rough night and my last thoughts before sleep takes over is how much I hope that tomorrow will be a good day.

 

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