truly madly deeply

romantic, intense, facinating...
The moment Ariana looks at Niall she knows she has never felt like this before.
whenever she looks into his blue eyes there's a spark that grows inside her.
But does he feel the same way?
Will her attempt to find love finally come true or is this love forbidden to exist?

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12. If I hear your voice

I lay in bed, can’t seem to leave my side, just stuck, hopeless, lifeless, loveless, I want the room to take me under and drown me, I can’t deal with this right now, the door cracks open and my mom’s head pops in “Come on Ariana you’ve been lying there for 4 hours straight, it’s time to get up” she says feeling sorry, I stare at her, my eyes sting and are red and puffy, she sits down on my bed, and touches my leg, I refuse the sympathy and push her arm off “Just promise you’ll get over this in like 2 hours Ari?” she says as she leaves the room, I hear the door close and I break down again.

I feel so numb staring at my bed room wall, I can’t do anything, I tried to eat but I just couldn’t, this sucks, why would he do this to me, I’ve tried calling him but I just hang up before he answers because the thing is if I hear his voice I’ll break down even more. I lay on my bed with my hair spread across the blanket and tears running down my cheeks every once and a while *RING* I turn over and see my phone buzzing around the side table, I read the name “ALEXA” it says in bold letters, I pick the phone up and hold it to my face “Ariana, are you okay, you’ve haven’t answered any of my calls or texts” she says panicking, I take a breath in “Yeah, well if you haven’t noticed I don’t really feel like talking” I say as my voice starts breaking, she gasps “Ari, you sound terrible” she cries, I don’t need sympathy right now, I think to myself “Yeah, don’t I?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood, but failing “Well, if you need someone to talk to you know where I am” she says finally realizing I’m not in the mood “Yep, thanks Lexi” I say starting to feel the lump form in my throat “Okay bye princess” she says hanging up.

I stare down my wall and ponder, “I need to do this” I think scrolling through my contacts and stopping at Nialls number, the line starts ringing “Hello?” Niall says in his strong Irish accent, I bite my lip trying to hold myself from crying “Hey” I say sniffling “Ariana, what’s wrong?” he asks, I feel my face bubble up with rage and start to feel angry tears stream down my face “What’s wrong?” I ask angrily, “You, that’s what’s wrong” I say furiously “Ariana, listen what you saw the other night” he starts saying “I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!” I shout into the phone “Ariana, she forced it, I didn’t do anything” he says innocent “And how am I supposed to believe that?” I ask feeling my throat tighten up, he gasps “I would never do that to you” He says so harmlessly “Yeah?” I ask, I cover the microphone on the phone and cry, “Well, you already have” I sniffle into the phone “Have you been crying?” he asks curiously “Oh nah, I just sniffle and sound like this on every occasion” I can’t believe he’s making a joke about this, I obviously mean nothing “Ariana, Chelsea forced herself on me okay?” He says trying to cover it up, I don’t take the bait “Niall, I thought you’ve changed, but obviously I was so wrong” I say finding it hard to breathe, I hear him sniffling in the background “Ariana I’ve changed, I told you” He says seriously “Yes, but how can I trust that you won’t do it again?” I mumble “Ariana please, it didn’t mean anything, I swear” he begs “I can’t do this anymore” I say trying to stay strong “What do you mean?” he asks in confusion “I mean, we’re over” I cry as I hang up on him. He heart stops beating and my easy breaths turn into struggles.

 

What have I just done?

 

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