Hurting Inside

Asya is a troubled teenager, coming from a home a domestic violence. She self harms and lives in fear of her father. Facing the daily torture of school and her deep sorrows. She finds a tiny light in the darkness of her existence, will she grab onto it and recover? Or fall further into the blackness of depression?

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1. The way I hurt

Dear Diary,

Today I feel depressed, I always do. I packed my bag for school, the police came round again last night.  They arrested dad but then let him go. How many times will mum have to get bruises to prove how abusive he is? It has taken me this long to realize that my mum will be dead before they see the truth. I put my pen knife into my bag, in the secret compartment. I only cut to take the edge off the emotional pain. It makes me feel better, I think mum wonders why I never smile anymore. How can I smile when I constantly hurt? How can I smile if all I feel is pain? I took some of mum's anti-depressants. They didn't work. Maybe my pain is so deep there is no cure? If there is a cure I wish I knew it. Maybe one day, I will not be afraid to voice my fears, or be afraid to say no to my dad. Maybe I will find happiness......

 

Asya looked at her writing, and threw her diary at the window. It was stupid, putting her feelings into a book. A waste of effort and money. She grabbed her school bag and pounded downstairs. She waved to her mother then flung open the door, walking out into the cold morning air of the day. Her heart pounding a tattoo into her chest, her mind sending only one message. 'It'll all be over soon.'.

 

She walked to school, looking at her feet, bag heavy on her back. Her rosy cheeks burning in the frostbitten wind. Pale fingers running through her auburn hair. She slipped into the school gates, unnoticed, unloved. She crept into the girls toilets and opened her bag. She pulled out her penknife, and flicked out the blade. It glittered in the sterile lighting and she rolled up her sleeve. With a shaking hand she pressed the blade into her skin and drew it back.

 

Blood splashed onto the floor, little tears of blood rolled over her arm and onto the floor. Asya gritted her teeth. The pain a relief from the sorrow and anger inside her. She pulled a bandage out from the medical kit she kept hidden in the stall and wrapped it around tightly. She shoved her knife into the bag and mopped the blood up with toilet paper. After flushing it down the bog, she walked out. Only the throbbing pain in her wrist keeping her from going insane.....

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