Running Scared - In Search of Truth Pt1

My NaNoWriMo Entry for 2013.

Sinead and Tom are two like minded spirits who find that love is hard to share. They must overcome the everyday problems they have to find if Pokemon actually survive. From grimy Stockby, their search takes them to Malaysia and the truth, but can they handle the truth and will they be together at the end?

Please note that is not a novel about Pokemon.

Inspired by a conversation around a campfire.

Dedicated to the real Sinead. #iLECT

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18. In the Middle of the Night - Sinead's Point of View

In the middle of the night,

I don’t understand what’s going on,

It’s a world gone astray.

In the middle of the night,

I can’t let it out.

Someone keeps searching

And shatters your life

It will never be in vain

In the middle of the night

 

No more tears,

No, ‘cause nothing else matters

I’ve been closing my eyes for too long.

Only vengeance will make me feel better.

There’s no rest till I know that it’s done.

 

In the Middle of the Night - Within Temptation

 

There are times in life when you can’t work out exactly where you are when you wake up. Here I was in an unfamiliar bed and room. I felt cold and realised that the duvet that had covered me had fallen away and exposed my nakedness. I pulled the duvet around myself again. I lay for a minute trying to get some direction on where I was. The lights were out but a glow was emanating from the foot of the bed. I raised myself slightly to look at what it was. I smiled when I saw Tom sitting there huddled, as usual, over his laptop. How many times had I woken up to find him sat naked in front of the keyboard? He sometimes liked to get up in the night and do work, he always said it gave him more time to be with me.

 

Why were we here? I struggled to remember what we were doing in a hotel. Were we on holiday? Then I started to have pained flashbacks of the previous night. The door, oh dear the vile words that had been splattered in red over our front door. I suppressed a sob. I remembered how I’d felt, those vile words burning a hole in my retina, scarring the very tissue of my brain. Then the image of Rocky had come back to me. Rocky covered in blood. The rest was just a blurr. I started to sob uncontrollably. Who had done this to me. Rocky had been my bedtime companion for as long as I cared to remember. It was the one thing I’d really brought from my parents after the row.

 

Tom must have heard me as I saw him stand up and come towards me. Sitting down on the bed by the side of me, he reached out and gathered me in his arms. He gently rocked me alternatively shushing and kissing my forehead. He stroked my hair gently. It was as if he was protecting me from the world outside. I continued to cry feeling the warm tears falling down my cheeks heading for the hairs on Tom’s chest. He hugged me, trying to push out the demons that haunted my brain The demon that I never knew existed. It had invaded every part of my brain, made me feel insecure and vulnerable. It was like someone had taken a huge wrecking ball and knocked down the very foundations that my life had been built on. I felt violated, that the innocence of my childhood had been wrenched out of my hands and given to some child molester. It was an awful emotion. My life seemed to have abruptly stopped and the very heart, the very tenement that it was built on had been stolen.

 

The mental shields that I’d built over the years had been breached by someone sneaking around the sides and thrusting their depraved sword into my childhood, piercing at it’s very soul. I wanted to find the person who’d done this to me, I wanted to make sure they knew exactly what they had robbed from me that night. Only vengeance would make me feel better now.

 

I moved in Tom’s arms wanting to feel his lips on mine. I needed comfort that came from human contact. I looked at his face, so serene and smiling. He’d been crying I saw from the lines on his cheeks, from the puffiness of his eyes. Stroking his cheek I kissed his lips. He gently kissed me back. I reached for him. He pulled away slightly and looked at me. He smiled and then shook his head.

 

‘Not now’ was all he said and proceeded to hug me tighter. I realised that the tears were still falling from my cheeks. I suppose that making love to a crying blurbing girl wasn't really a turn on. I hugged him back. I loved him so much. Somehow the fact that he didn't want to have sex meant more to me. He didn’t want to take advantage of me.

 

Memories of the previous night started to flood back. The Police visit, me holding Rocky all a distant memory. Huge chunks of the evening had disappeared from my brain. All I perceived was the pain I felt, the devastation that had been wreaked on us. Still crying I remembered how Tom had undressed me carefully and placed me in the bath. Oh dear, I must have been out of it. I remember the tenderness that he’d shown me, how delicately he had removed my clothing, the calming voice talking to me, reassuring me. Flashbacks of how delicately he’d washed the blood off my body, the crimson tide that ran across the clear water turning everything red in it’s path. The way he’d avoiding spending a long time washing my breasts and below my waist and concentrated on the less sexual areas of my body. How he’d carefully dried my wet body, taking care that I was completely dry. How he’d snuggled up to me in bed, not once taking advantage of me. I cried even more at the memories that flooded into my cranial cavity flooding my senses, triggering yet more tears to fall out of my red swollen eyes. He’d taken care of me, taken me to a safe place, comforted me and kept me safe. Where these tears of joy or were thy tears of pain? The areas were beginning to get blurred now. I wasn't sure which were which anymore. My emotions were tightly strung, walking an invisible tightrope over a chasm. I felt if I dropped either way, I’d plunge into a hell.


I kissed Tom’s chest and looked up into his face. I pulled him towards me. I reached for him again. He looked at me, this time I nodded at him. He smiled and we fell back in bed hungrily seeking each others bodies, Now I needed that intimate contact.

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