Dark ll || Z.M

'I am not going to loose you again Brook!' he yelled at me, his eyes fully on anger. 'Zayn I can do what I want to do!' I shouted back, finding my voice. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, 'In those three months you seem to of forgotten your mine' he whispered harshly, 'you seem to of forgotten, you do as your told' he snapped.

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55. The Devil's Got Your Number.

Little bit short but I have a lot to do tonight! :D  - I still really love this chapter though!

Brook's Pov – Flash Forward.

 

I shook, my mascara was down my cheeks. My eyes were wet. My lips quivered in red lipstick. I couldn't believe what happened. I looked around the room, and I dropped the letter to the floor. They way that he handed me my own self destruction, the words on that page broke me, I had given everything I could possibly give, and that was what broke me, I didn't save myself. I had many opportunities to save myself and I didn't. “Brook?” I heard, and the door was opening. “Go away” I whispered.

Harry. I blamed him so much for this. Zayn wanted me with him. I couldn't blame either boy, I blamed myself for falling for them both. Leading one on, whilst loving the other. I saw Harry's eyes scanning over the letter I had left on the floor. “I... Why is he telling you to be with me” he was talking low and sounding confused. I wondered that too. Harry got out his phone and took a picture of the letter and he sent it too the boys. “Brook-..” he began, I cut him off by holding my hand up. “He promised me he would meet me at the alter” I spoke, and walked in front of the bed. “He did always say promises were made to be broken” I sighed, with tears beginning to die on my cheeks, I took the letter from him.

End of Flash forward.

I was stood in the kitchen. Louis had not long woken up and he was sat at the breakfast table, Zayn was currently getting Luke ready to go home. “I need to buy a tux” Louis spoke as he flicked through the newspaper, “Yeah, you do” I smirked at him as I put the final of the dishes away. Zayn then came into the kitchen and planted a kiss on my lips, “I have to run, Becca wants Luke by eleven” he told me, and I nod and see him leave picking Luke up as he goes.

“I still don't know how you did it” Louis spoke sipping his tea, “What?” I asked him. “Accept Luke, I mean after everything with Charley... Not many people could do it” he spoke, and I sighed lightly thinking of my unborn child, “I know... but he makes Zayn happy, and that makes me happy” I smile lightly at him. “So I have to ask” Louis began after a moment have silence, “Have you spoken to Harry?” he asked me, and I sighed looking down and walking over to the table to sit by him.

“Once” I tell him, “yesterday, for the first time in three months” I looked up to him, “How is he?” he asked me, “He sounds good, really good” I nod. “Then why do you sound so miserable” he asked me, “I miss him” I confess. I don't really know what it was about Louis, but the words that always struggled in my mouth, seemed to fall happily at his feet. “You can't start saying things like that, when your marrying Zayn in like two weeks” he told me, and I nod slowly. “I know” I sighed softly.

“What did he say?” he asked me, “He missed me” I spoke. “You know every time you talk to him that your going to feel this way don't you?” he asked me, and I nod again. “He wanted me there” I spoke with a lump in my throat and tears were in my eyes, but I would let them fall. “He is always going to want you” he told me, “Your just telling me everything I already know” I sighed. “Brook, I am going to ask you something now, and I need you to be 100 percent honest with me, and with yourself” Louis told me, and I nod to him.

“Do you really want to marry Zayn?” he asked me, and I took a deep breath.


 

Zayn's Pov

I turned around, “Shit car keys” I mumbled, I walked back inside the house. I heard Louis and Brook were in the kitchen, I went to walk in, but things sounded intense. Though I had to get Luke home, five minutes more wouldn't hurt. I stood with my back to the wall, so I was out of sight and I listen. “Have you spoken to Harry?” Louis voice rang, and a familiar feeling filled my stomach. Brook wouldn't talk to him, she knows what would happen. I was fine with the wedding, I knew he would be there, but she'd tell me.

“Once, yesterday for the first time in three months” she was quite, it was like she was thinking, and trying to control her self. However the way she was speaking wasn't the big fucking thing. She'd spoken to Harry, yesterday and hadn't told me. I asked her if she had done anything, and her words should have been. “I spoke to Harry” instead I got one, “Nothing”. She lied, she said she had done nothing.

So many thoughts raced through my mind, and I couldn't contain them all. “I miss him” I heard her confess, and I clenched my fists so my knuckles were white. We are getting married in two weeks. She is fucking still caught up on a guy that is in another country, is or used to be one of my best friends. Does she still not understand after all this time, she is and always will be mine? I had changed for her, and she needs to do the same.

“He missed me” I heard her soft voice speak. Well of course he would fucking say that, he would miss her. Who wouldn't? However that still wasn't the point, the whole point of him moving away was to keep himself from her, for her to get over him, and give me her all, she was still holding back, and now sometimes I wonder. When we kiss does she think of him? When my hands wander down her hips, does she want his touch more? Does she even want me?

“Do you really want to marry Zayn?” Louis asked her, and she paused. She shouldn't have to pause. She shouldn't have to think about it. It should be a straight up answer, but the silence gave me everything I needed to hear, I picked up Luke and my keys and close the door quietly. I drop Luke of at home, and say a goodbye. I feel everything. Mad, Hurt, Angry. I just feel like after everything, I am still not good enough. I drive by an old bar I use to waste nights away in, and now I was going to waste the rest of the day away in there.

As soon as the whiskey touched my lips, the world was seen differently. I just need a break from life. I would be home later, for now I needed more and more.

Brook's pov

After a few hours Louis left. He went to go and stay at Niall's. Zayn still wasn't back he probably just took a detour home, or was spending some more time with Luke. After talking about Harry, I wanted to talk to him, clear the air, hope that things could be normal and we could be just two friends. I sighed and looked around the empty house with memories echoing all around me. I went out only for a short amount of time to help Cassie get a dress for the wedding, and then I was home again by four.

I was expecting to be greeted to Zayn, however he still wasn't home. I called him, and no answer. So I left a voice mail. “Hey, its me... Where are you, you should have been home hours ago, give me a call so I know your okay, I love you” I spoke, and hung up the phone. I sat down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, and I wrote out name card for the tables. I tried to make it so everyone with someone they liked, however that was going to be difficult given everyone's history. Is was more like a “We tried to kill each other” reunion, than a wedding.

I thought that my table would be the hardest to plan. Me and Zayn would be in the middle, and I wanted Harry beside me, however I knew that would make Zayn uncomfortable. Liam would also like to be beside Zayn, but I know Louis would too, and he wouldn't sit with Liam because Liam had been off with him recently, because of the whole Mia and drugs thing. Niall was perfect though, he didn't care where he sat as long as there was beer in front of him.

I sat for a good two hours planning where everyone would sit and made it okay. Niall would be at the end of the table with Harry beside him, and then Louis near him, I would sit next and Zayn would be the other side of me, then Louis was closer to Zayn. Liam would sit the other side of Zayn with Aria beside him, I could at least try and get the two of them together. I knew not everyone would be happy where they sat because they didn't get where they wanted, but it would at least make it all bearable or so to speak.


 

After showering and eating. Zayn still wasn't back, I didn't call because I knew he hated being pestered. I didn't understand why. Until I was lay on the couch, watching a movie and it was 11pm. I was wrapped in a blanket, and I heard the front door slam. I sat up, and flicked on the lamp so the room was lightly. “Zayn?” I asked, and he opened the living room door, the draft was cold, but ice from the whiskey that was on his breath was much colder.

“Where have you been?” I asked him, he looked down to me. He features unreadable, the look on his face was stern, and it was frightening. “Zayn?” I asked him, “Why do you lie to me?” he asked me, with his head cocked one way. “I don't know what you-..” he cut me of, “I don't need you to tell me everything. Just don't lie to me” his voice was low, and I was worried for what he would do in a drunken state. He hadn't ever been this drunk around me, he hadn't touched alcohol in almost four months.

“I haven't lied” I quivered, “You have” he nodded looking down, rubbing his hand over his stubble. “I asked you if you did anything yesterday” he told me, and I shook my head. He wouldn't know about the phone call. “You should really check no one is around before you go bearing your heart and fucking soul to Louis!” he shouted at me, and I jumped back a little. “You heard” I whispered, “I heard every fucking word that you said, you miss him?” he seethed, I nod slowly. “Why?! Why do you miss him?!” he yelled, wiping his hand clean over the fire place top knocking photo frames and a vase onto the floor. Smashing them.

“Answer me then!” he yelled at me, “I don't know, I don't know” I repeat myself, “You don't know you?” he asked me, and walked forward, loosing space between us. “No, I don't” I whispered, and closed my eyes. Zayn reached for me, lifting my chin up, so I was looking him in the eyes. “It's funny how day to day nothing changes between us, but when you look back... everything has” he spoke to me, “Zayn, I didn't speak to him for long” I told him, and he pushed me backward, and turned himself around.

“You didn't even tell me!” he shouted again, “You didn't need to know” I whispered to him, “I didn't need to know? I think I fucking do considering you still fucking in love with him!” he yelled, “I'm not in love with him, I love you!” I then yell back at him, “You love me?... Well why didn't you tell Louis you wanted to marry me?” he seethed at me. I stopped, “Because I am scared” I confessed, “As soon as I say I do, that's it... forever” I told him, “You don't want me forever?” he asked, “I do” I spoke.

“It's funny isn't it?” he asked, and I sniffled “How easily I walked into your life, and how easily I could walk right back out of it” he snapped. He was mad, and I understood. “What do you mean?” I asked him, “Well maybe I don't want to marry you!” he shouted, “What?” I whispered, “Not so nice the other way around is it?” he smirked at me, I shook my head and wiped at tear, “Oh doll, don't cry” he whispered and walked over to me, I move away from him. “I hate you when you like this” I snap at him, “I love you even more” he smirked.

“I wish you were more like Harry sometimes” I spoke, my brain not catching up to my mouth, Zayn glared at me, and I retreat and my back is against the wall, “What?” he asked me low and approaching, I shook my head “Nothing, I am going to bed” I spoke, and go to move passed him but he pushed me back hard into the wall, “Your not going anywhere” he shook his head, and the whiskey on his breath made me feel brave.

“Harry wouldn't do this, he wouldn't loose his temper like you have, he'd be mad... but he wouldn't scare me” I whispered, and breathing was heavy. “Scare you?” he asked slightly, “I hate you when your like this” I repeat, and he looked down. “I am never going to be like Harry, not now, not ever” he snapped at me. Every time I closed my eyes it was like a dark paradise, because he was in my mind. Now the paradise was slipping away from me slowly, but with every drunken word, I lost it all faster.


 

“Do you still want to marry me?” Zayn asked me, I nod slowly. “Good” he told me, and moved his body of mine. “You know it's in my nature right?” he spoke with his back to me, “To destroy everything I touch” he whispered. “I loved you at your darkness, I will love when your bright, and everything in-between” I told him, and he turned to look at me pain in his eyes. “How do you love me, when I become this monster?” he seethed at himself, and I sighed. “Your not a monster, you just have demons... we all do, just don't let them win” I whispered to him.

“Did Harry say anything else?” he was still speaking lowly, “We don't need to talk about, we just missed each other... that was all” I told him, “Will be enough for you, when we are married?” he asked me, and I nodded slowly. The dark was leaving his eyes, it was replaced by vodka and whiskey. “Your enough for me now” I told him, “I am?” he asked me, he was close to tears. It was nice thought, because it proved he was scared to loose me.

“You were never suppose to mean this much to me, I was never suppose to fall so hard for you, but you know what? I did, and that's what keeps me strong, the fact that I am so scared to loose you” he whispered, and I ran into his arms and he held me. I sighed into his chest, “Your not going to loose me, ever” I whispered, “I don't know about that” he whispered to me, “Why would you loose me?” I asked him, “We all make deals with the devil, and I have made too many to keep you” he spoke, “Zayn, don't talk like that” I told him.

“Once upon a time, the devil fell in love with an Angel” Zayn told me, “Is that what we are?” I asked him looking up into his soft brown eyes, “That's what you are to me” he spoke slowly, and he pressed his lips to mine.

Flash Forward

.~ LETTER~.

Brook, I am a lover and a sinner for you. Just like you are an angel and a devil to me. Every choice, Every breath, Everything thought. It was you. Dear you were the devil on my shoulder telling me what to do, and because of you I forgot how to breath on my own. So that's what I am doing, because when I am with you I forget the rest and I never wanted that.

End of flash forward.

“Come let's go to bed” I told him, “I will stop breaking your heart one day” he told me , “As long as you fix it, I don't mind” I told him. “What If I don't? What if I have done something that is going to ruin you?” he asked me, “Not possible” I shook my head, “Your afraid I might though aren't you?” he asked me, “I've always been afraid of it, giving my heart away, but you've took it, and I don't want it back” I told him, he gave a weak smile I hated how his moods could change, he would talk about wanting me then loosing me. The devil plays mind games. I laughed to myself, maybe that was Zayn after all.

"Your no devil Zayn" I tell him, my mind was fuzzing. "No, but I gave him my number" he whispered.

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