Dark ll || Z.M

'I am not going to loose you again Brook!' he yelled at me, his eyes fully on anger. 'Zayn I can do what I want to do!' I shouted back, finding my voice. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, 'In those three months you seem to of forgotten your mine' he whispered harshly, 'you seem to of forgotten, you do as your told' he snapped.

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61. Maybe I am not Fine.

Zayn's Pov

 

It had been exactly 41 hours since I had seen Brook. 41 hours since I handed her the words on crumpled paper that were going to break her heart. I was in the same bar as yesterday, I had left momentarily, only once to go and get some more cash, only too see carol singers in the street, I fucking hated Christmas. I had been drinking whiskey for 40 hours straight, and I still wanted to carry on for 23 hours more. I sat down and in walked a familiar face, I rolled my eyes as he sat next to me. My silence said I wanted to be alone, but he clearly didn't get that. “Mind if I join you?” he spoke, and I didn't talk.

 

Riley sat down beside me and ordered a glass of whiskey, “Make it a double” he added on. “What do you want?” I asked him, “Nothing” he shrugged, “Your part of the reason everything go so fucked up, so please fuck off” I snap at him, “Dominic promised me something too” he spoke, “Yeah, did it ruin your life?” I snapped, my life was pretty fucking ruined. “Yeah, it kind of has” he spoke. “If your looking for a shoulder to cry on, you aren't getting one from me” I frown, he gave a small laugh. “I met a girl, she was perfect” he spoke, “Did I say I wanted to hear this?” I snarl, “No, but your not leaving any time soon so shut up” he told me.

 

“He told me if I helped, he would give us some money... she has cancer, and we can't afford the surgery, so he would give me the money for it if I helped him with this bullshit... I already made that deal with him once and he backed out” he spoke, “What was the first deal?” I asked him, “Too spilt you and Brook, threaten her, fight with you and so on” he shrugged, “He said he would pay for her surgery if you did those things to us” I frowned, he nodded “Dick” I muttered, “He didn't pay, he said one more job... its always going to be just one more job” he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Why do you keep doing the jobs if you know he won't give you what you want?” I asked him, “I need some hope that I can help her” he told me. “Why were you always so touchy and flirty with Brook if you love this girl?” I questioned, “It was how Dominic told me to be” he spoke, “Your his bitch” I picked up my glass and drank, “I'm not... wouldn't you do anything to save the woman you love?” Riley asked me, and I looked down “I already have saved her” I spoke, “What by leaving, you really think that will save her do you?” he asked me, “I know it will” I spoke.

 

“You think that leaving the girl you love, the girl that so many people would kill for alone in this fucked up world is saving her?” he asked me, “I do” I spoke, and he chuckled shaking his head in disapproval, “Maybe you were right to leave her after all” he snapped, “What's that suppose to mean?” I turned to him, “Do you even care about her man?” he asked me, “Of course I do” I told him, “Then why are you sat here?” he spoke, “I told you, I am saving her, Dominic would kill her if I said no..” he cut me off, “So you just said yes?” he asked me, I nod.

 

“We both got promised two different things, but we ended up in the same place” Riley sighed gulping down his double whiskey. I sat with my hand on the glass, drawing my fingers around the rim. “I've had an idea” I mutter, “What?” Riley asked me. “Can I trust you?” I asked him, “You'll have to figure that one out on your own” Riley spoke, and I smirk a little looking up at him. “Do you want to save your girlfriend?” I asked him, he nodded. “Then you better trust me” I spoke and ordered two more whiskeys. This was going to be a long day. To make it worse I had a phone call coming, and it wasn't from any number I knew. It was one that would be forever memorized, into my nightmares and into my dreams. It was hers.

 

Brook's Pov

 

I am fine. I am fine. I said I was fucking fine, could they stop asking now. It was noon now, and I had barely slept, so any patience that I did have, was wearing thin. Niall had told the boys to back off me a bit and I thanked him for that. I hadn't really spoke to anyone today. Today I wanted to be alone. I sat on Niall's bed, with blankets around me, and a really bad film on TV. A knock came at the door, and I sighed looking to the door seeing Harry poke his head around. “Mind if I join you?” he asked quietly, and I sat up no speaking but nodded slowly.

 

I wanted things to be okay with Harry. I wanted to be able to sit here and smile and tell him that I am so glad I have him, and thank him for sticking by me. But nothing. I couldn't speak, I wanted to, I really wanted to. I wanted to smile at the boy front of me, and laugh at one of his stupid jokes, but my heart was hurting far too much to crack even the smallest of smiles now. I bet Harry won't be able to look at me soon, all I will be is a shadow of my former self and he isn't going to like me. I know Zayn wants me with him, and he is probably right, but I don't want to give him what he wants because I know then he got his own way, and he still wins.

 

“I hate that you are the only one that can see what's wrong with me” I whispered, my voice cracking slowly. Harry looked up and offered me a smile, “You blame me, that's what's wrong” he told me. “I don't blame you Harry, I blame myself because I was such a slut” I spoke, and put my head in his hands. Harry didn't reach for me this time and it was nice because he seemed of learn that, that was not going to make things better. No ones touch besides Zayn's could make this feeling leave me, and I just wanted it to go. I am alright to be sad. I tell myself, it's only been two days. “You weren't a slut” he spoke.

 

“I am so sorry Harry, your being lovely to me and I am just being a bitch... I just... I don't want to give Zayn his own way, I suppose I do blame you in some way, because... well your everything Zayn needed to be... and he just gave up, and handed me over to you like I was a toy” I spoke, and he looked up to me, “That's why he called you Doll for so long” he spoke, and I nodded understanding what Louis had said all those months ago, about how “Doll” was used because I was his toy, and I suppose I was. “I regret it so much” I sighed and shook my breathing mad. “You can't change what is done, you can't go back in time, and you can change all these hurt feelings you have... or mend broken hearts. All you can do is move on, and hope that you never regret anything like you do this, again” he offered me a weak smile.

 

“What if... What if can't forget him?” I asked him, “Your not going to forget him, your first love always hurt the most... but you can move on” he told me. “Why are you so fucking wonderful?” I muttered, and tried to smile but I just couldn't. I was annoyed at myself for feeling this way, feeling more at ease with Harry, but at the same time feeling ten times more pain, because Zayn should be here grovelling not Harry. Harry had done nothing wrong. I smiled softly then, it was so bitter-sweet. Zayn's mother. She had fallen so desperately in love with Drake, and she had let her self fall for him so hard, and he didn't catch her, then she met Zayn's dad, the boy that mended her, that tried to fix her all along.

 

I had said so many times. That is not what I was going to do. I would stick by Zayn, but now Harry was sat before me. The safe one. The one who was sat here with me, begging for me to feel something. I wanted to love him to the moon and back, and even then I don't think that would be enough. “I want to do what Zayn said... be with you” I whispered, Harry had a soft twinkle in his eyes, “Not now... not for a while” I whispered, “When your ready” he smiled at me, and he attempted to reach for me before second thoughts pulled him back, and I thank him for appreciating me. “I would say sooner, but right now... I just can't afford another heart break” I whispered, and he nodded. “Don't explain your self, you'll over think” he warned, and I nodded softly.

 

I should be on my honeymoon now. No. Instead I am sat with the man who should have been giving me to my new husband, discussing our future. No. This isn't how it should be. “Can you give me a moment” I asked Harry, and he stood up leaving the room with no more words. I reached over for my phone. Would Zayn have changed his number yet? The number that he sent the text on telling me to read the letter, is the one I would call even if he wouldn't answer. A voicemail. Just to set things straight. Just so he knows how I am feeling.

 

The phone rang and rang, and then it answered. “Hello?” he voice rang into the phone, low music in the background. Women. A lot of women too. “Who is it?” I heard, was that Riley. This was so much worse than before. Knowing he was in so whore house with Riley, just made me feel terrible. “Hello?” Zayn asked again, more stern this time. “Hi” I whispered, and felt tears already wet my cheeks. “Is this-..” He stopped to let me speak. “Before you hang up and... and tell me you don't see me” I let tears leave my eyes and my breathing get heavy, “I just … I just need one thing, for you … to listen” I cried. Now I couldn't stop. I locked the door, and went to stand by the window. “Okay” he sighed.

 

“You left me. You left me falling of the top of cliff, which you were meant to fall with me. I was ready, so I jumped, thinking you were right behind me... but stopped confused, and then left me falling alone for you, falling alone for someone... who never even fell for me...” I paused to catch my breath and wipe my blurred eyes. “I spoke to Harry, and I haven't let him anywhere near me in two days, because I blamed him.. then I told I wanted to love him and not you” I whispered and sobbed hard. “Brook..” he whispered, “Don't” I shook my head. I hated hearing him say my name, because it sounded like perfection coming from his lips. I wasn't perfection. “You have left me with far too many scars, and I was stupid enough to think you'd heal them... but I want to get one thing straight Zayn” I whispered, “Your going to regret loosing me, because no one else would put up with all this shit, and still love you” I sobbed, but now I was angry and crying. I am glad I locked the door.

 

“I want to tell you to come back here, and tell me that you love me, and this was all just some huge fucking joke... but its not... you left, and your going to be the one who is alone now Zayn, not me... do you want to know where I spent the night of our wedding” I whispered the last part, “Where?” he whispered, I laughed lightly. “With your father” I spoke, and he was silent. “Have a nice life Brook, I am sorry that this is how things turned out” he spoke and hung up the phone. I put my back against the wall and cried, and then I sobbed, and then I cried some more. “He doesn't get to just to walk away” I cried to myself, and pulled my knees tight to my chest. “He just walked away” I cried to myself.

 

I tell myself; Forget him....He lied to you. He made you cry. He left you behind. He broke all his promises. He hurt your feelings. He wasn't there for you. He didn't care how you felt... But I can't. Why is it so impossible to hate him. I cried until I was out of tears. I stood up shaking. “That's the thing about pain... it demands to be felt” the TV spoke, and it was far too true. I unlocked the door and walked down the stairs, knowing I would be asked if I had been crying, and knowing endless “Are you okay?” would be asked, but I didn't mind. Unlike yesterday, I could admit now. I wasn't fine. I was not fine at all. I was tremendously broken.

 

I walked into the kitchen, and saw the four boys standing there, and I smiled lightly at them. Pulling the long jumper sleeves down over my arms. “Are you alright?” Liam asked me, and I gave a light chuckle and wiped my cheeks, and sniffled. I then shook my head looking at him, “No” I told him with a light and very dry smile, and he stood up walking over to me. “Thank you for finally saying no” he smiled at me, and sat me in the chair he was previously sat in. Niall came and stood behind me, “We heard you on the phone” he spoke, “You did?” I asked quietly, slightly ashamed. “We did, and its okay, your aloud to feel that way you know that, don't you?” he asked me and I nodded slowly and surely. “He was in a bar” I spoke softly, “He was also with Riley” I pursed my lips, to stop them shaking.

 

“He's a dick” Louis mumbled, and stood up. “Louis” Niall snapped. “No, it's fine, he is” I spoke, and sighed softly. “Did he even say anything on the phone?” Niall asked tenderly, I shook my head. “No... nothing... he just told me to have a nice life basically” I whispered, and I sighed. “Look, guys, I know this isn't exactly great, but can we do something... anything, I just... I really don't want to think about it” I asked them, they all exchange weary glances. “How about we go out?” I suggest, “Your feeling up for that all ready?” Niall asked me, and I shook my head. “Not really, but I am not just going to sit here and think about it sober” I spoke, “You mean you want to get shit faced” Liam smirked, and I looked the four framed faces around me. They were all so perfect, weren't they?

 

“I do mean that” I smiled softly, and stood up. “So shower, and get ready we will take you out... you mean clubbing right?” Louis asked, and I nodded, “I know just the place, its a little bar up town” Niall told me, and I smiled softly again. “Okay” I spoke, and walked out of the room. “Brook” Harry called after me, and I turned around. “You don't have to do this just to prove a point” he whispered, and touched my arm, I pulled from his touch. “I'm not, I want to” I spoke, “No you don't , I know you” he mumbled, “Yeah and I know me too, Harry you can't wrap me in cotton wool... it won't change what has happened” I told him, and he nodded. “Don't do anything stupid tonight” he warned me, “I won't” I spoke and smiled, hesitating. Should I kiss his cheek, just like I normally do and its never a problem, or do I just leave with an awkward smile.

 

I leave it with an awkward smile. Please just let my feet carry me upstairs and away from this boy that makes me feel things I shouldn't. Things I really don't want too. “Harry” I croak from the stairs and he turned to look up at me. Like when Romeo looked up at his Juliet. How in that moment, they shared a glance and marriage seemed like the best bet that they had. “Brook?” he asked after a minute of silence, “Hmm.. oh... er... wear the blue shirt, I like that one” I smiled softly at him, and he smirked up at me and continued walking up the stairs.

 

I found a black dress that was tight, and short. I paired it with some white heels. I plastered on some make up, and a think layer of red lipstick. I walked down the stairs where the boys were waiting for me, and Harry stood with the blue chequered shirt on and I smirked at him. The boys wolf whistled, and smirked at me, “Are you on the prowl?” Louis smirked at me. “No” I giggled lightly, and brushed a curl back from my face. “You'd think you were” he told me, and I smiled softly. I didn't want to look like I was moving on already. I wasn't. I was not going to move on for a long time, and large part of me would forever be trapped in the passed, but maybe with a bit of vodka I would be happy. I could forget.

 

We got to a bar called Desire. I walked in and smoke was thick in the air, and the blue lights were low and flashing. “This is... nice” I struggled with the words. It wasn't nice, it was full of half naked girls walking around serving and then the other half was men and women in the same. Looking around the boys smirked, “It's a shit whole but... the booze it cheap...” Niall spoke, “and so are the women” Louis smirked and walked forward, I shook my head and rolled my eyes but wanted to desperately to laugh at Louis's poor effects with the women, and how they walked away even though they were soon dancing with much worse men.

 

I stood with Niall and a gin and tonic. “Where are the rest of the boy's?” I asked sipping it, letting the carefree feeling wash over me. “Louis is with Liam flirting with those girls” Niall nodded over to the corner, where they had new girls giggling. “Harry?” I asked him, he looked around and he didn't know. I didn't know. I looked around and saw a flashing blue shirt walking in the distance, we'd only been here an hour. I wondered where Harry could of got to, maybe he had found some pretty girl or something. “There” Niall pointed, over to where I was looking. Harry approached us, with a stern look on his face, and his hands were dark with blood on them, and he had a busted up lip. “I really think we should leave” he snarled.  

~*~

13 chapter's left guys! Who's excited. 

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