Dark ll || Z.M

'I am not going to loose you again Brook!' he yelled at me, his eyes fully on anger. 'Zayn I can do what I want to do!' I shouted back, finding my voice. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, 'In those three months you seem to of forgotten your mine' he whispered harshly, 'you seem to of forgotten, you do as your told' he snapped.

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72. I Changed Him.

Brook's Pov

 

I lay with Zayn in the white sheets, of what I am going to call our new home. I like this feeling. How everything was just us. No one else in the house, just me and Zayn. Maybe everything was going to be okay. “What are you thinking about?” he asked me softly, running his fingertips along my bare skin. “Nothing” I smiled down at him. I hadn't slept much, I was content with hearing Zayn sleep, feeling him breathing beneath me. But also, because I knew I would have to face Harry again. I would have to pick up my clothes and my belongings from the house. The house that we all had lived in, Zayn had changed the payments to be made through Harry, so Harry now owned all the unpleasant memories of that house. “I am going to go and pick up my things today” I told Zayn, with my hands on his chest, “So soon, you know you don't have to right?” he told me, “No, I do, I want to make sure Harry is okay” I spoke, and Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

“What was that for?” I asked him, “It's just, you know he won't be fine, but you'll go there and just make yourself feel worse” he told me, and I sighed. “I won't leave things like this with him” I told Zayn sitting up in bed, as he moved to put on some clothes. “Well it's like you said, we aren't leaving anyway” he told me, and I rolled my eyes, “I am trying to do the right thing here Zayn, don't make me choose between you and him” I spoke. “As far as I am concerned the minute you left with me yesterday, you already chose me” he spoke to me. “I still care about him Zayn” I told him, “I know you do, and I get all that shit about how you don't want him to feel like you did, but do you really think he is going to be okay” he snarled at me, “No, which is why I have to see him” I spoke, and got out of bed myself, pulling on yesterdays jeans, over the shirt I was wearing of Zayn's. “I just don't want him to change your mind” he told me, “He won't” I reassure him.

 

I walked down the stairs leaving Zayn to get ready. I heard bangs in there, and a feminine voice. “Hello?” I asked walking in, and girl turned around. She had long brown hair, and was rather plump in the face, but curvy everywhere else, and she was pretty. “You must be Brook?” she asked me, and I nodded slowly. “You are?” I asked, “Oh I'm Becca” she smiled at me, “Your Luke's mum?” I asked, only then noticing Luke in a high chair behind her, and he gave a toothless grin at me, and I smield. I had never met Becca, I had only heard of her. Zayn was always the one dropping off Luke and picking him up. I walked over to Luke, and pinched his cheeks, and he giggled. “May I ask why your here?” I asked Becca, turning around to face her. “Zayn, he said we could stay... he didn't tell you?” she asked me, I shook my head gulping. “We only sorted things out between us yesterday” I sighed.

 

“I don't mean to put a strain on your relationship, it's just, we don't have anywhere else to go” she told me, and I shook my head. “No it's fine, really, it's just been a busy few days you know?” I asked her, and she nodded smiling. “Well it was nice to meet you” I told her, and she nodded again. “Tell Zayn I have just gone to pick my things up when he's down” I told her, “Okay, see you later” she smiled, and I waved to Luke, and he waved his hand back. I put on my shoes, and took Zayn's car keys. That way he couldn't come after me, and I could just tie things up with Harry, with out having Zayn's voice in my ear, or a worry that the two of them would fight. I drove slowly, the rain hadn't continued today, it was just overcast. Slightly warm. I pulled up outside that house. Looking at it, and bracing myself to go inside. I shouldn't be doing this the day after I should of married him, but I had to make sure he was okay, and I couldn't' wear Zayn's shirts forever. Though prospect of that was very tempting.

 

I got out of the car, and suddenly it felt a little bit colder. I walked up to the door, and knocked on it lightly. Though to me it sounded like thunder. The door opened after a moment, and it was Liam who opened it. He looked me up and down, ran a hand over his stubbed chin, then rolled his eyes widening the door. “Harry, it's for you” he called walking away from me, did I disgust him that much. “I told you I don't want to fucking see anyone” he shouted from upstairs. “I will just go and see him” I muttered, and Liam just shook his head walking away. I walked up the stairs slowly. “Harry?” I say quietly, pushing open the door. I see the curtains are closed, the lamp is once again in tatters on the floor, there is a gaping whole in the wall, and Harry is lay on the bed, shirtless, and looking like a lost puppy that has had one too many drinks. He looked up at me, his eyes blood shot, but still such a bright green lights them up.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asked me, “Here to rub salt in the wound, Tell me that your sorry?... Save it for someone who cares” Harry told me, discarding the glass he held and throwing it to the floor, putting the bottle of alcohol to his lips instead. “I know sorry isn't going to change anything, I wanted to make sure you were okay... and I have to pick some things up” I spoke, “Okay? Did you really think I would be okay?” he snapped at me, and shook my head feeling so ashamed at myself. Maybe I should of just married him, at least he would have been happy then. “Just get your shit and leave” he snarled at me, and I nodded. Slowly walking over shattered glass, seeing a photo frame smashed which had a photo of me and Harry in, it was us on the beach in California, when all of our troubles seemed so far away. “You broke it” I muttered, and he glanced over at me. “Well there isn't any point in saving it, is there?” he sarcastically snapped. “I'm still your friend Harry, I care about you” I told him, “You don't, if you cared you would of took some consideration for me, when you were fucking Zayn on our wedding night” he told me, “We didn't have sex” I told him, and he rolled his eyes not believing me.

 

“Like I said, just get your shit and go” he told me, and I sighed. Taking the photo and putting on the side. Then putting clothes into a bag. The silence was so loud, and it was awful to hear what he was thinking. “Why him?” he spoke, “What?” I turned to him. “Why Zayn? You could of left me for anyone, but you chose him... after everything he did, and how sad you were, you go and do the exact same thing, maybe you deserve each other, you just ruin everything everywhere you go, I was happy before I met you Brook, sure I didn't know what it was like to be in love, but I knew what I wanted, when I wanted it, but then you and Zayn fucked with everything and you made me into this” he snarled, “I'm sorry” I whispered, “Stop saying that!” he shouted, and I shuddered looking down. “Your not sorry” he told me, “I am, I am sorry that I hurt you again, and I am sorry you don't get the life you wanted with me, I am so sorry I ruined your life” I told him, “You know maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn't Happy, the only time I was happy was with you” he told me, and I shook my head. “You weren't happy with me, you just fooled yourself into thinking you were” I told him.

 

“So, why him?” he asked again, “I don't know, he is just... he is the only person that I feel like myself around, everyone noticed the change I had when I was with you Harry, and sure that girl was better than me, because I am better when I am with you... but that doesn't mean that, that is the person I want to be” I told him. “And I am not going to make you change, to fit who I am... I am a mess, and I ruin people, but I can't do that to Zayn, because he beat me too it, me and Zayn are so far past the self destruction point, and you aren't” I finished. “I could of made you so happy” he told me, “I know, but your going to get to make another girl happy now” I told him, “And this time, she is going to love you with every single part of herself, she is going to wake up and see your face, and think “Yeah... I am in love with him” and then you can make her happy” I smiled softly, but he didn't smile back.

 

“Do you wish, you said I do?” he asked me, and I looked down and shook my head. “No, because I love you Harry, and I am smart enough to know when to walk away, if I had married you and then you found out I wasn't in love with you, it would of hurt you so much more” I told him, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “You never even wanted to marry me!” he shouted, “I did, I really did want to marry you, and then things could have been okay, I might of even been normal, but I couldn't marry you and live another lie” I told him, “So what your going to live a different one with Zayn? Your going to lie to yourself and tell you he's changed, he isn't going to let you down again, because he will Brook... and I am tell you now, I won't pick the pieces up, because falling in love with you hurt too much, and I don't think I would live if I did it again” he told me, and I nodded understandingly, but in utter agreement that I was just going to keep on living lie after lie.

 

“What will you do now?” I asked him, “Don't act like you care Brook, I already told you I don't want your sympathy” he snarled at me, “Your not getting it, because I know I did what's right” I spoke, “What's right about all of this?” he yelled, “The fact that I got hurt by you again, or that your probably going to be dead soon because you've gone back to Zayn, or because he is going to fuck you over again, or that you are really going to end up being alone” he snapped, and his words were harsh. But I did deserve them. “Maybe I deserve to be alone, that way I can't hurt anyone, and no one can die for me” I told him, and he looked down to his feet. The silence was once again heavy, just out breathing to be heard, he looked up at me with sharp eyes. “I am going to leave, go and find somewhere new, where no one knows me and no one knows anything of you, I am going to find someone who will make me forget all about you, and Zayn, and all the dirty little games you play” he snapped at me, I deserved that too.

 

“Well, I hope you get what you want” I tell him, “That's it, I thought you came here to say sorry” he told me, “You said you didn't want to hear it, and I've said it countless times” I told him. Suddenly he went from hard faced, to soft. “I guess I never really won did I?” he asked sadly, “I have done it again, haven't I?” I asked him, he nodded slowly “You broke my heart” he spoke, “Get out” he told me, “Harry” I began, “No Brook.. get out I never want to see you again...” he yelled, tears ran down our cheeks, I took the two bags I had packed from the floor and went to leave. “Wait!” he turned as my hand touched the door, “Just tell me why” he whispered, and had his eyes closed and puffy red cheeks. “I will tell you why... I love him” I said so ashamed of myself, “No no, not that... the real reason” he spoke, and moved closing the door and pushing me against it, I gulped as darkness consumed his eyes. “That is the real reason” I told him, “No it's not there is something more than that” he told me, “I know you Brook” he whispered. “I can't help how I feel Harry” I told him.

 

“Can we still be friends?” I asked him softly, “Things change when you love someone Brook, So no, we can't” he told me. “Promise me, you'll take care of yourself?” I asked him, “I'm not promising you anything” he told me letting me go from the door. “Harry, I really didn't mean to do this” I told him, “It doesn't matter, your apologizing for something you knew you would do, something you could of prevented, your not sorry, I am” he told me, “What are you sorry for?” I asked him, “I'm sorry for giving you my fucking everything, because now I'm the one left with nothing, not you, me” he spoke. “I should go” I told him, not knowing how much more of this I could take, when I really didn't want to leave him in this state, I knew I had to or neither of us would truly learn what it was like to loose someone you cared about. I had experienced it many times, but Harry hadn't. Harry had to loose me, to gain something a lot better. A future. A future, that I was not going to be a part of.

 

I left him then, he didn't utter another word. I walked down the stairs with the two bags in my hands. I saw Louis stood in the hall, “Hey” he smiled, “Hi” I say back. “So you didn't really say anything to me yesterday, I found from Niall and Liam” he told me, “It's nothing personal, I just, I just couldn't do it” I told him, “Marry Harry, or lie to yourself?” he asked me, “Both” I told him, and he cracked a smile. “I know I warned you and everything, about Annie and how a girl came between the before, but I am glad you did what you did, maybe now Harry can just move on, and you and Zayn can get your-..” I cut him off, “Please don't say happily ever after, I don't think they are real” I told him, and he smiled taking the bags from my hands and walking me to the car outside, and throwing them in the trunk. “You call if you need anything” he hugged me, “I will” I told him, “We still all hate Zayn you know?” he told me, and I nodded. “I think guessed that, I think Liam hates me too” I spoke, “He's just mad, he loves you, he wants to keep you safe” he told me, “Well, I think everyone needs to stop keeping me safe, and keep themselves alive” I spoke.

 

I left them after saying goodbye to Louis. Driving home felt worse than it did yesterday. Now I knew what state I had left Harry in, and knowing that he wasn't ever going to forgive me made things worse. Maybe Zayn was right, I shouldn't of gone back so soon, I should of waiting and just walked around in Zayn's clothes all day. Though now I recalled that Becca and Luke were living with us, I felt even worse. Was Zayn seeing her before I came rushing back, and I had no become a home wrecker too, Luke and his parents living together, in a nice family house. Looking after him, playing with him. I hadn't become that too, had I? So many thoughts had raced around in my head and I sighed, slamming on the breaks at a red light. I needed to figure all of this out. I arrived back at the newly inhabited home, and I really now could not call this mine and Zayn's home. It was, Zayn's Family Home. “Perfect” I sighed.

 

I got my bags out and walked inside, throwing the keys down onto the table. I walked further back, and no one was in the kitchen. “Brook” I heard, I turned around and saw Zayn. I smiled lightly, “Where are my keys?” he frowned, I point to the hall. “I said I would go with you, you didn't have to go alone” he told me, “I wanted to go alone” I spoke, and picked my bags up, and taking them up the stairs Zayn followed me. “That's it, your not even going to tell me what happened?” he asked me, “Nothing happened, I picked up my things and came back” I told him, “What and that took three hours?” he asked me, I nodded throwing my things onto the floor. “Brook, don't bottle shit up, if something happened, tell me” he spoke, “Harry was right” I told him. “What?” he asked me, “I'm living a lie... that's the way my life had always been, I thought my parents were dead, they weren't. Lie. I thought you really wanted to be with me, but it was a bet. Lie. Then we almost get married, but you leave. Lie. Then I tell myself, I can love Harry, I could be with him, but I lied to myself, and now there is this, me and you are here again and your telling me, you won't let me go, and we are going to be okay, well for how long?! Until you hurt me again, or until I go insane?!” I yelled at him.

 

“Brook, where has all this come from?” he asked me, “I don't know” I whispered, and sat down on the bed, giving up. “I just can't keep doing it, I am so tired Zayn, I am sick of everyone around me lying, and then me having to lie to the people I love, and hurting people, I can't do it Zayn” I told him, “Do what, us?” he asked me, I looked down. “I meant it when I said I won't let you leave” he told me. “Why didn't you tell me, your son and the mother of your son, were living here with you?” I asked him, “You had enough to to contend with for one day” he told me, I sighed, “Did you get back with her and then break up, because I came back, was Zayn Malik a real family man?” I asked him, and he shook his head. “I wouldn't do that, they needed a place to stay, I waited for you to come back, because like I keep telling you, we are inevitable” he told me and squeezed my hands, “Do things get better from here, or not?” I asked him, and he sighed. “I don't know Doll, I really don't know” he told me, and he put to strong, protective arms around me.

 

“I took everything from him” I whispered, and Zayn listened. Though he didn't want to here about me and Harry, he knew I needed to talk, and I appreciated that. “I mean, when I saw him it was like everything ounce of good in him was gone, and I took it... his light” I spoke, “You mean he's dark now?” Zayn asked me, “I think so, I don't really know” I spoke into his chest. “I promised him I wouldn't change him, but it's too late, I already have” I speak now more to myself than Zayn, “I changed him, and he isn't ever going to be the same again” I spoke, “You made him stronger, you taught him how to love and loose someone” Zayn told me, “No, it's not the same, that's what I did to you, and I am sorry... but what I did to him, was so much worse, it was like everything that I loved about him” Zayn shuddered at the word, “Everything that I could of fell in love with, went away the moment I told him I wasn't marrying him... and now he is a different person” I spoke, “Maybe he will find the girl that can bring that old Harry back, it just won't be you” Zayn told me, and it was a painful reminded of everything that had happened. “Because darling, I don't know if you knew this... but your mine” Zayn mumbled pressing his lips to mine.  

 

~*~

Zayn. Harry. NO. Zayn, maybe Harry? ARGH. Three chapters left guys, who's excited!! :D x

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