Dark ll || Z.M

'I am not going to loose you again Brook!' he yelled at me, his eyes fully on anger. 'Zayn I can do what I want to do!' I shouted back, finding my voice. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, 'In those three months you seem to of forgotten your mine' he whispered harshly, 'you seem to of forgotten, you do as your told' he snapped.


73. He sill cared.

You are counting the mistakes of a dangerous boy, in a dangerous bed. You have told him your secrets, and each time he takes a little more of you with him. He has soaked up your soul, naming you his. You don’t realise, but for now it is too late. Then it will be morning, and the bed i snow dangerously empty, an ache covers your body. You choose, accept the abandonment, or hold onto the memory. Like every other time, Brook chose to hold onto it. Keep the image she wanted to keep, and not listen to everyone else's thoughts. 


Zayn was out this morning with Luke and Becca. Brook, was still quiet sure she was going to ruin that perfect little family thing he had going, but she stayed. It had been a week since she had seen Harry, or two. The days went by fast and the slow, she didn't know her own mind. Today, she wasn’t sure what she was doing, confusion covered her mind in a grey mist. Sorting through boxes that Niall had brought her three days ago, she stumbled across pictures. Like more memories lay in her hands and she couldn’t get rid of them. Pictures of all the boys were in her hands, and her soft fingertips travelled over the crumpled paper.


Liam. A picture of Liam about three months ago, sat on the patio with a beer in his hand, and a smile on his face. Brook didn’t know what was going to happen to Liam. She always found him the complex to understand. Though his intentions were always made clear, his mind was curious thing. Liam loved whole heartedly, and it was a quality Brook had seen, once maybe twice in her years. Liam, had a warmness about him. Not the warm summer day thing, no. A whole different kind of warm. Liam cared too much, and let himself get to involved in personal affairs. After Liam’s parents, and what they did, I don’t understand how Liam ended up the way he did, he wasn’t as messed up as anyone else would be, he was generally well rounded. Thought there came a point where Brook had considered loving Liam, they both knew that neither would love each other with every fibre of their being. Liam deserved a nice girl, who would tidy the house while he was at work, and then cook him dinner, and exchange compliments, and give him a family. The more involved with Brook that Liam got, the more he knew he was loosing all hope of that. Yet, somehow, through it all, he still cared. 


The next pictures stumbled across, was one of Louis and Niall, they were in the kitchen talking about something, and Brook sighed. Brook always envied the way Louis and Niall looked out for each other, the way they had some kind of impenetrable bond, and no matter how well you knew them, you would never really know the foundations in which it was built on. Louis, Brook knew Louis would be trouble when she first met him, and for a short period of time he was, he was the one that tricked her, and then turned out to be the one who saved her. Louis’s outlook on life never failed to fascinate Brook, he was too laid back for his line of work. Brook, couldn’t imagine louis with a family of his own. He would be married, she was sure of that, there was far to many desirably qualities about him for him to remain single. However Louis seemed to Brook, to be the type of person who would just spontaneously whisk his wife of to mount fuji for the weekend, just because he could. Louis wasn’t stable, and he wouldn’t bring a child into that. Though he had tried to kill her, he still cared. 


Niall, and what do you say about Niall? The wonder he saw in everything, and the positive out look on life, never seized to amaze Brook. From the first time they met, she knew he would become the only constant in her life. Niall was bluntly honest, and sometimes that was a good quality, but when vengeful and vindictive words hit Brook’s ears, she often wished he would just keep his mouth closed. She wouldn’t change him though, because often it was his words that made her see sense, she that she was wrong. That was the thing about him knowing her mind inside and out, she just couldn’t hide from him, like she could the others. Brook and Niall had often spoke about kids, before all this, before Brook even knew the name Zayn Malik. Niall wanted three, two girls and a little boy. A wife who would made cakes with the children, and cook him dinner when he came home, he would take his son got football practice, and his little girls to dance lessons, he really had it all thought out. Sometimes Brook wished she had joined him in that wonderful experience, been the one to bare his children, but it wasn’t that kind of love. Both would die for the other, but after everything they had been through, it was nice to know, he still cared. 


The next one,it was the picture that Brook had seen two weeks ago when she went to see Harry. the one of then at the beach, that Harry had left in a frame of broken glass. She guessed he didn’t want any memory of her. The picture held one thousand words, she thought that was the only time she had been happy. She was wrong. Harry. There wasn’t ever anything about Harry that was wrong. There was just far to many things that were right, so many things that made everything worth while with Harry. The way went he walked into the room, he just smiled and made you laugh. Harry deserved so much more than what he got, he had save Brook’s more times that either one of them cared to admit. Harry would forever love Brook, but she knew she couldn’t love him. Harry should have a normal life, he wasn’t made for this life. Not in the way the other boys were, Liam would leave for months at a time and not want to tell anyone where he was, Niall would stay uncover and unprotected, Louis the same, and Harry well… he was built differently to the rest of them, he wasn’t like that. He could fight and hold his ground, and he could hurt people if they threatened what he loved, but he wasn’t cut out for this kind of life. Harry should of had a family, and a normal career, maybe he could teach boxing to young people, and teach they the rights and wrong of life, have a few kids settle down and grow old with a women who loves him for everything that he, and everything that he isn’t. Loves his flaws and his imperfection… yeah maybe he should have that, Brook thought. Maybe one day he will. 


For now, Harry barely knew his own name, couldn’t control his own feet, and couldn’t bare the way his mind told him it was all his fault. After everything, he thought he would finally of won her, finally get her to be his, and it was going to be okay. After brook got left at the alter, he thought she wouldn’t dare do it to him. Part Harry wishes she hadn’t come back into the church, she hadn’t come back in and said goodbye, because that gave him a gaping hole in his chest. That also meant it was really over, no more surprises, no more late nights together, they were done. Harry would be happier this way, and Brook would maybe find her self, or whatever it was she was looking for she wasn’t quiet sure yet. Brook tucked the picture back into the box. Taking out the next one. 


Zayn and Harry stood together in the picture, it was bittersweet irony to her. Zayn was all she saw though. His eyes that slowly seemed to gain more light, the more time he spent with Brook. The longer he loved her, the lighter he got. Sometimes it crossed her mind, if she hadn’t of met Zayn would she of been normal. Would she of walked down the street, scar free, with a warm smile, maybe a boyfriend who was studying law, and wanted his own firm, maybe he would of wanted to move to New York, and take her dancing on a friday, then they would come home and there two children would be with his mother, because she flew out there for a weekend away. Then they would spend the night alone together, whilst his mother took the kids out, the would drink red wine, and laugh away the night. Maybe. It was all just a big maybe. Brook got something different though, not better, not worse. Different. Brook Green, got Zayn Malik. Though he took her places she didn’t know were even real, she wouldn’t change it for a quiet life in New York.


Though there would be times when it got a little much, when someone she thought, Enough is enough, and would want to leave and find a new life. Though it was like an invisible string connected her to Zayn, like if she strayed to far, the string would pull at her gut and yank her right back to him, maybe Zayn had been right all along. Maybe they were inevitable. Zayn wanted nothing more than Brook’s happiness which only confused him more, when he didn’t know how to give it to her. What would make her happy? Getting out of this life. He couldn’t give her that, his past would follow him everywhere, and now she had a past too, and it wouldn't let her breath, she couldn’t breath until it was all gone. Thought that wasn’t going to be an option. Zayn and Brook shared something, they were both scared. Zayn was scared to open up, and give himself to someone, scared to loose the person he know cared so much about, the person he would give his life for, and relied on like a breathing machine, that also helped keep his heart rate steady. Brook had slowly become scared of the same things. But she now had one fear, that topped everything else. Being alone, frightened of loosing everyone she ever cared about, not just Zayn. However, he still cared. 


Brook tucked away the pictures. Putting them as far away from her as possible, and leaving the last box to be unpacked later. Zayn was currently our with Luke, playing happy families with Becca. It reminded her of Charley. How that could of been of been them, they could of done the babies before marriage, but it was looking unlikely that either of those things would happen. Brook had passed that point in her life now. Bringing a baby into her life wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be safe, and as for marriage, two weddings was enough for anyone. Brook wondered how things would be now, if she had said yes to Harry, if she would be happier, if she would be okay with living that lie. She told her self she was happier now, she was better here with Zayn. Though it was times like this she hated. Being left alone with her thoughts, and thinking about what could of been, and what should of been. Maybe when all of this was over, she would go to collage, study english and write a book about her life, or study childcare, and look after others children, considering that is what she was already doing with Luke. 


There are some things that people long for; everyone has something or someone they can never have. In Harry’s case it was Brook, and in Brook’s case, though she hate to admit it, she knew she would always have to share Zayn with something or someone. One thing always leads to another... a fight can lead to a break up and a smile can lead to a friendship, or in Brook’s case, a smile lead to so much more. Always wanted was to be able to trust and rely on one another, Brook let her self be fooled by Zayn, but it was a beautiful kind of lie. She had been betrayed, hurt, and so many other things, but different people, but she had now grown to accept that not many people liked her in this world, but she had one person who loved her unconditionally. Even when family turned away, she had him. Brook had been through many things, but is this really what she really wants?Emotion and joy, came to her on a day to day basis. Calm. Perhaps its something she’d never had; or maybe something she will always want.


 The door opened finally tearing Brook away from all of her thoughts. She peaked around the corner, and Zayn was there. pushing the pram through the door, with Becca beside him, and Luke hidden beneath a blanket. Sadness washed over her, as she realised it wasn’t her who had this happy life with Zayn. It was Becca. This was no longer a life that Brook and Zayn had built together in this house, it was the life that Zayn had built with his family. One that Brook wasn’t apart of. 


Brook’s Pov


“Your back” I smiled, telling myself to remain calm. “Yeah, we would of been back sooner but Luke wanted to go to the park” Becca smiled at me, and I gave her one back. Becca took Luke upstairs, and Zayn but away the things they took out with them. “Did you have a good time?” I asked him, “Yeah it was nice, you’ll have to come with me next time” he smiled at me, “I wouldn’t want to intrude” I tell him, and walk into the kitchen. “You know you wouldn’t be” he frowned back into the kitchen behind me, “I don’t know Zayn, you three make quiet the family… And besides it’s probably already confusing Luke” I spoke, “Hey..” he touched my arm, and I turned to him, “Just because they are living with us, doesn’t mean that you are any less important to me” he told me, and I nodded, “No, I know that, I just… I don’t want to get in the way, I mean you three look happy together” I spoke, “Don’t you know I love you” he told me, i nod, “I know” I smiled up at him, “Who know’s maybe it will us someday” Zayn smiled wrapping his arms around my waist. 


“I don’t want children” I spoke moving from his arms, and facing him. “Since when you always loved the idea, when we were together?” he frowned at me, “You’d really want to bring a child into all this mess, with the way we are Zayn?” I asked him, “Well, Luke is okay” he told me, “That is because i’m not his mum, if people ever knew we had a baby, then i dread to think if the about of shit we’d get” I told him, and he walked over to me. “You don’t have to sacrifice having a child, I could keep us safe” he told me, “I just don’t want kids okay?” I tell him, and walked down through the corridor. I wondered when Zayn changed his mind on things like children, when I first met him I didn’t even know he was capable of love, but it turned out he was, now children? It was a whole other side to Zayn. “Is children in general, or children with me?” I heard Zayn, I turned to face him, “Don’t” I shook my head, and he shrugged his shoulders, “I’m just wondering” he told me, “Zayn, I want to be with you, I just… I wouldn’t make a good mother” I told him, “Your kidding, your great with Luke” he frowned, “That’s because I can give him back, he isn’t mine” I spoke. “You selling yourself short” he frowned at me, “I don’t want to talk about this, we’ve been together two weeks, and we are talking about children” he told me. 


“When we break up, time doesn’t restart, its like we are on pause, we pick up where we left of” he told me, and I sighed softly. “I’m sorry” I spoke, “I’ve just done a lot of thinking today, and I am still trying to get my head around everything” I told him, and he nodded at me. “I’m sorry too, I know that I push you too far, and I make things harder for you, it can’t be easy you seeing me with Luke, after Charley” he told me, and I looked down, it was still such a brutal reminder when Zayn spoke of her name, knowing she was real. “It’s okay” I told him. “You just need to remember, I need space, I can’t just jump in head first again, and hope for the best… “I’m sorry” doesn’t just magically fix everything” I told him, and he nodded. “What will fix it?” he asked me, “Vodka and time” I smirked up at him, “You sound like me” he smiles. Kissing my forehead and going to the liquor cabinet, “I saw Steve today” Zayn spoke, and I stopped from the moment of happiness, I hadn’t told him about Steve’s threats. I hadn’t told anyone. “Did you?” I asked holding my head in my hands, sitting on the couch, then hearing Zayn’s feet come back into the room. “Yeah, he said he was happy for us or some shit like that” he told me, and I sighed smiling up at him, “How is he about Cassie?” I asked, “Well, when he was talking to me he was slurring every other word, so I will let you take a guess” he smiled at me, and I sighed. “You okay doll?” he asked putting the vodka in my hand, and I took it down quickly, “I will be as long as you make the next one a double” I gulped handing my empty glass to him. 




I like this chapter, now we all know how Brook really feels. Zayn wants babies?! I can't! There is only two chapters left. 

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