Dark ll || Z.M

'I am not going to loose you again Brook!' he yelled at me, his eyes fully on anger. 'Zayn I can do what I want to do!' I shouted back, finding my voice. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, 'In those three months you seem to of forgotten your mine' he whispered harshly, 'you seem to of forgotten, you do as your told' he snapped.

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22. Conceal Don't Feel.

Brook's Pov

I fell asleep next to Zayn at 12:45am. I woke up at 11:09am hearing muffled voices, I opened my eyes and Harry and Niall were stood the other side of the bed. “Morning” I heard, I looked around and saw Zayn was still asleep. “Over here” it was Louis's voice was coming from the door. “Good night?” Harry asked as I moved off the bed, 'Err... nothing happened' I tried to defend myself, 'I didn't say it did' he spoke, I nodded and sighed. 'I just didn't want him to feel like I hate him' I confessed, 'You do though' I heard Liam's deep voice, 'You know that's a lie' Niall spoke for me, 'I don't want to be like this with him, I want to be able to say I hate him, I want to really... but-..' I was cut off by all four boys 'you can't' I nodded.

'I should get going, get changed and stuff' I told them all standing up, 'I will walk with you' Harry spoke, 'Is that such a good idea?' Louis commented, 'What's that suppose to mean?' Harry growled, 'We all know what happens when you two are left alone' he snapped back, 'Louis!' I scowl, 'What?' Liam asked confused, 'Nothing, just drop it' I say, 'Brook' Liam held me by the wrist, 'What is he talking about?' he asked me, 'Nothing, nothing important!' I shouted, not realising how much this would hurt Harry's feelings, 'Yeah it was nothing' Harry snapped looking at me, 'Nothing at all' he scowled. 'Come on Brook' he told me, 'Thank you Louis' I sarcastically spoke to him walking away.

We walked out of the room in silence, Harry walked a he was angry. I didn't know how to make him feel any better, I wasn't going to run up to him and tell him something that wasn't true. I wasn't going to tell him that I was hopelessly in love with him, when I said it was nothing I didn't mean it in a horrible way, but we had agreed it was nothing serious. We walked down the street, 'Harry?' I asked him, he ignored me. 'Don't be childish' I tell him, 'I am not' he pouted and stopped. 'I just don't know why I keep getting my hopes up for you to be with me, and tell them' he sighed, 'Harry, maybe you should go' I told him, 'Why?' he asked me. 'I don't want to lead you on' I told him, 'You already have, so there is no point in stopping now, we can't change anything' he spoke. 'I didn't mean for any of this you know' I tell him, he nodded.

We finally reached the house and went inside. As soon as we opened the door, we saw the house had been trashed. Their was shattered glass everywhere, tables tipped, and doors falling from there hinges. 'Stay behind me' Harry held my hand and walked through the house quietly. 'What happened?' I whispered, 'Shh' he told me. We checked all the rooms and no one was here. 'This is fucking ridiculous' he snapped. 'Should we call the boys?' I asked him, he nodded. I did. 'Hello?' Liam asked, 'You need to come here quickly, someone has been in the house its trashed' I told him, 'What!?' he shouted, I heard muffled voices and then 'we are on our way' and he hung up, was he still in a mood aswel?

'Harry?' I shouted, looking for him. 'In here' he spoke, I followed his voice to the bedroom. 'They trashed in here too' he spoke, It was rare that I was in Harry's room of the day time, and it looked so different. 'What's that?' I asked him, looking at what he had hold off. I went and sat with him, he had a red and black piece of fabric in his hand and it was ripped. 'That looks familiar' I whispered, 'Its one of your scarf’s' he spoke, 'I kept when you died' he spoke, I sighed and smiled lightly. 'You did?' I asked him, 'It reminded me of you' he told me, 'Oh, well you can have something else if you want?' I asked him, 'no, this was the one I wanted and they ripped it' he spoke, 'Harry there is no need to be angry over this' I told him, 'When are they going leave us alone?!' he shouted, and pulled the fabric tight around his hand, and a small strand of hair landed in his face. Then I had an idea.

'Here' I spoke, and took the fabric. I pushed his hair back, and tied it around his head. 'How's that?' I asked him, 'Perfect' he smiled. 'You made it a bandanna' he smiled, I nodded. 'Come on' I spoke standing up, 'we should get tidying up' I told him. We walked down the stairs and grabbed bin bags, and began to put things away. Then the boys all walked through the door, other than Zayn. It was odd seeing them as four not a five. I didn't like it.

'Brook, are you hurt?' Liam raced over and put a soft hand of my cheek, and looked me up and down meeting my eyes. It touched me that Liam cared, and showed consideration but I couldn't lead him on, 'No, I am okay' I smiled and blushed removing his hand, 'We got here after all this' Harry spoke and told him defensively. 'Help us tidy' I spoke and walked off, I walked upstairs and sat in Zayn's room. I packed him a new bag, and looked around his room was a mess too.

I grabbed the smashed glass, and it broke my heart. It reminded me of all the times he smashed things when we argued. I bumped into his dressing table, and it tumbled over the draw falling and a note pad falling out. I picked up the note pad and opened the pages, I flicked through. I saw drawings of me and notes about me, quotes … by me? It touched my heart, he wrote about my habits, things I do when I am happy or mad, things I like. Things he loved. Or I thought he did. Would he do this if he loved me, why didn't he every show me.

I looked at a page, and I saw a drawing. At the top of the page it says “Perfect” The girls long hair pulled into a plat, pins in her hair and blue eyes was all that stood out the rest was black and white, and plump red lips that shocked the eye. 'I know that I will never be enough for her, someday when Brook is older she will marry a banker or a lawyer, I will look back a realise all my mistakes, my failures to make her smile, I did so she could end up in a better place, with a man that is worthy of her love' . The drawing was of me, the drawing of the girl with no flaws, the girl that he saw as perfect was me.

I turned the page wiping my eyes, and smiled as he wrote about my habits, and they things he loved. I smiled and giggled at his fondness of how he smiled when I bit my lip when I laughed. I never knew he liked how raised only one half of my smile when I smirked at his jokes.

I then cried, harder than I think I ever had. Maybe it did all start of as a bet, maybe at first it was all for the money. In the end, he loved me. He loved me for all my flaws, not once in the note book did he say anything that I would like about myself, he wrote all the things, I knew never, and all the things I was refusing to listen too. Zayn Malik loved me, he didn't love Perrie, or Lola, he didn't love any of the girls that he has slept with before me, he loved me. And no matter how many times I tried to ignore my feeling, no matter how many times I told him to leave, or that I hate him. I was totally hooked.

The idea of Zayn loving me gave me butterflies again, the way it should feel. I smiled lightly at myself, and wiped my tears. I stood up and walked down stairs, and grabbed my shoes. 'Brook?' I heard, I think it was Louis. He came out into the hallway, 'Are we still on for later?' he spoke coming into my eye, 'Yeah sure, I have to go now though... I need to see Zayn' I smiled at him, 'Why?' he asked, 'I need to tell him I am sorry, and that I love him' I told him, 'After everything?' he asked me in disbelief. 'I know its hard to get your head around and its hard for me too, but I love him and I know he loves me, he hurts and breaks my heart, but he will always be what I want' I tell him. 'Pick me up at the hospital' I told him, 'Okay' he told me, I hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

Then I ran.

I ran to the hospital, out of breath. I reached the front desk and was panting for breath, 'Are you okay, do you need any help?' he asked in a panic, 'No, I am okay thank you' I told the doctor standing up and running the room Zayn was in. I turned the corner, and got to his door about to burst in a tell him I love. Then stopped seeing who was in there with him, Perrie. Did the adrenaline kick start all of this, the thought of him still loving me, the idea of us. The idea of him. What made me think, I could walk in there and make everything okay, I am still young and stupid, and maybe what Zayn said in that journal was right. Or maybe it was the way around?

Maybe I know that I will never be enough for him, someday when we are older he will marry a stripper or a pole dancer, I will look back a realise all my mistakes, my failures to make him feel loved, I did so we could end up in a better place, with a girl that is like him, broken. I do think he is right, I know that he will never be enough for me, someday when I am older I will marry a banker or a lawyer, I will look back a realise all his mistakes, his failures to make her smile, he did so she could end up in a better place, with a man that is worthy of my love. Wasn't he worthy?

I turned and pressed my back against the wall. Tears falling, we were only breaking each other. Neither one of us solely to blame. Things I did made him made, made him snap. Things he did made me cry, made me run. I pressed my back against the wall and fell, and buried my head in my knees and sobbed, once again. I was crying over him. I sat there for what felt like hours, hearing Perrie's giggles echo though the shut door, that should be me. She wouldn't be too happy if she knew we kissed last night. After about 55 minutes of pure torture I gave up and walked away.

I grabbed myself a coffee, and sat down in the waiting area. I looked at the time and it was 3:05. Maybe I had been hear longer, I sipped at my drink. Then a boy walked in with a bloody nose and sat next to me, I wasn't uncomfortable but I don't know if he needs help. 'Are you okay?' I asked, 'Yeah, I just come here for days out' he snapped, 'Sorry, that was uncalled for, its been a long day' he told me, I shook my head 'I know its has' I agreed, 'I am Joe' he told me, 'Brook' I smiled.

'Have you booked in to get cleaned up?' I asked, he shook his head 'I just told my friends I would so they wouldn't worry' he told me, 'Oh' I spoke. 'I can help you, I am pretty much qualified' I smirked, 'Oh really are you?' he asked me, I laughed and shook my head 'No' I told him, 'Come on' I stood up. I had been in this hospital enough times to know where they keep a first aid kit. I grabbed one from the cupboard on the main floor. 'sit down' I smiled and he took a seat on one of the green old chairs. 'So what happened?' I asked him.

'I was doing a favour for this guy and it got out of hand when I didn't get what he wanted' he told me, 'Please tell me your not in any gangs, or drug smugglers, because to be quiet honest I have had enough of that to last me a life time' I told him, he smirked. 'I am not' he smiled, 'Liar' I spoke, he just laughed. I helped him clean himself up and walked around the hospital with him. 'This is a weird first date' Joe spoke, 'This isn't a date' I laughed. 'Really, me and you alone, I bought you coffee and this is the part where you say “I had a really good time Joe' he laughed, I rolled my eyes, 'Your alright Joe' I smiled, and kissed his cheek.

Later that day.

I hadn't left the hospital it was too hard to leave, but even harder to stay. Joe had left giving me his number telling me to call him some time. I walked back around to Zayn's room, Perrie had gone. I could walk away now or go in. I went in. Zayn sent me a warm smile and I smiled back. No one said a word, we didn't speak. Until moments passed and I finally said, 'I found your journal' he looked up at me with worried eyes, 'You weren't meant to see that' he told me, 'I was cleaning our room after we broke in' I explained, 'Our room?' he smiled, I blushed crimson looking down. 'What did you think?' he asked me, 'It was sweet' I told him, 'Do you believe me now?' he asked, 'About what?' I asked him, 'That I love you' he told me.

'I did' I told him, 'did?' he asked. 'I came down here before, to see you. I found the journal and I ran here to tell you that I was sorry and that I forgive for the bet and for every other stupid mistake that you made' I told him, 'What changed?' he asked me, 'Perrie' I whispered. He didn't reply. Looking for the right words to say.

'Its okay, you don't have to say anything' I told him, 'Its not okay, because I’ve broke your heart again' he whispered, 'You didn't mean to, its okay, I just think we can be friends, can we try?' I asked him, 'Be friends? That's what we were doing and I still hurt you' he spoke, 'Zayn I-' he cut me off, 'Can you go?' he asked me, 'W-What?' I asked the aching pain in my chest getting bigger.

'Go, walk away, never look for me again, if you pass me in the street look at me like I am a stranger, because I have tried so hard to change for you, to fight for you, but its you that gets hurt, and I love you so much Brook, and being “just friends” isn't going to work, do you think I want Perrie or any other girl!? I only ever wanted you! Those times that you were with Harry and he made you laugh, I can't remember when you were like that with me! The way you feel so safe when Liam is with you, and the trust you have with him. Louis makes you laugh and giggle, so smile when your with him. I can't be what you need. So Walk away Brook, say you don't love me, tell yourself, convince yourself, please... just go' he told me.

'Zayn' I whispered, 'No Brook, this is me ending it for good' he told me, 'Who are you trying convince me or you, because right now it seems like your telling yourself that you don't want to be with me' I told him, he shook his head, not replying. 'Fine I will go, but don't say it was me who didn't fight this time' I snapped and he went to reach for my hand but I pulled away, 'goodbye Zayn... again' I told him, running away holding in the tears. I bumped into a large figure, 'hey watch out darling' I heard, I looked up and it was Louis. 'What's wrong?' he asked me, I shook my head, 'Nothing, can we go?' I asked him, he nodded and took my hand. Be strong, Don't cry, Conceal don't feel.

~*~

Wow. Zayn bit harsh. I am updating again today stay tuned xx

And I am sorry but FROZEN, I LOVE IT! CONCEAL DON'T FEEL.

 

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