Living A Life Without You

Today I sit at the table and write to you again, I know you are no longer with me, you moved on. You will probably never read this letter and it will end up in the trash but I’ll still write, I may sound over protective or like I want you back. I really do, but how can you get someone back after what I did? I am writing this letter to you to say sorry, it’s all my fault. I should have been with you, not with him. Over the other side of the world, I told you I was sick but in reality I just needed to be with him for another day before seeing you. Yes, I was visiting my brother’s grave. But Now I’m visiting yours.

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5. Maybe this is the beginning of something new

Ava's POV-
“Hey Niall! I’m back!” I call, trying my best to smile and not cry. Like usual I find him sitting on the couch staring at a blank screen “Hey Niall, come on…” I say, slowly helping him to his feet “Ok, well first we are going to eat, then we are going for a walk, where do you want to eat?” I wait for an answer, like always. Nothing “Fine, I’m going to make you some pies and vegies and then we can get going” I say, I can feel my voice weakening as a tear escapes and runs down my cheek I quickly turn around, rolling my ankle I scream as I fall to the ground. I slowly pick myself of the ground and turn to face Niall who was right behind me, waiting to help me up. “Niall, could you please talk to me? Please” I feel my voice weakening as I look into his blue eyes. Somehow they have lost their shine “Niall, can you try. Not only for me, but for the boys as well?” he looks into my eyes longingly “It’s my fault” he says, looking away and finding anything to look at but me “Niall, it’s not your fault. You did all you could. If anything it was my fault…” “How the hell is it your fault?!” he screams at me, tears falling down both of our cheeks, I can’t do this anymore. I turn away and look at the sink, suddenly I feel two arms wrap around me and someone put their chin on my shoulder. I turn around to be embraced in a ‘Horan Hug’ both of us crying into each other’s arms. It’s the first time I’ve been weak in front of anyone since the day he died…the day Liam died.
***
Niall and I walk down the long pathway and into the gardens, the thick vines and the tree roots making anything seem so unreal. Just like Niall holding a conversation with me, yeah he laughed yesterday, but that was at a photo I took of Liam and Niall when they first started X-factor together. I remember taking the photo and Zayn grabbed my camera and darted off, I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember Liam auditioning for the X-factor for the first time, me coming in to watch him to support him, and I remember the second time. We were both there for each other, he was 16 and I was 15 now I’m 40 with 4 kids. I remember Harry being the ‘Mole’ and he went into all of the rooms in the X-factor house, I remember coming into my room and my hair brushes were all over the place. I remember sitting behind the camera while the boys did their video diary’s I remember being the ‘girl behind the scenes’ until everyone found out I was pregnant with Liam’s child. That was almost 22 years ago, and my baby is growing up too fast. She was top of the class, she graduated early with honours and she got her medical degree almost 2 times faster than all of the other students. I know that it’s been so long since Liam passed away but I still feel like I’m still with him. I don’t know whether it’s because we were together for 25 years or it was because we never actually broke up. I know what you’re thinking, how can 2 teenagers be in love so long, well the simple answer is ‘Forever’ one simple word with so many meanings. For me it is one of the most important words to me, it is the word that represents so much. One little word that can be broken, but saved and put back together again. It can mean so much to the person who you say it too, but so little to you because you know you’re lying, I guess life comes with this but I’ll tell you one thing. Allot has happed in my life and I doubt you would know the half of it.

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