Living A Life Without You

Today I sit at the table and write to you again, I know you are no longer with me, you moved on. You will probably never read this letter and it will end up in the trash but I’ll still write, I may sound over protective or like I want you back. I really do, but how can you get someone back after what I did? I am writing this letter to you to say sorry, it’s all my fault. I should have been with you, not with him. Over the other side of the world, I told you I was sick but in reality I just needed to be with him for another day before seeing you. Yes, I was visiting my brother’s grave. But Now I’m visiting yours.


7. Birthdays come crashing down


Hey Liam,
Today was my birthday, I was thinking about you...
Like always, I was thinking about how you used to be so protective of me. How you would be like my dad that I never had, I guess that was because you knew. I guess that's why you became 'daddy direction' you treated each of us like we were little kids and I used to hate it, but now that your gone I can't help but think, why did I hate that. I miss you being daddy direction, I miss you being like an adult but still being able to watch kids movies. I remember our first movie, I remember our first kiss, I remember when you asked me to marry you. I know how much I love you and I need you here, there is never a day that goes by that I don't think about you. There isn't a minute that goes by that I don't feel guilt, guilt that I lied to you, guilt that you were there when he was. Guilt it was all my fault, one thought goes through my head every day. I killed daddy direction, I killed you, I killed Liam Payne.

Now I know that if you are reading this that I feel guilty. What if I didn't stay at my brothers grave, what if I didn't cancel. Would we still be together? I sure hope so, I miss you Liam and don't you forget that. I'll tell you how the rest of my day goes later on. Oh, I just remembered. Niall had a conversation with me today. None of the boys remember that it's my birthday and I want to keep it that way, I can't have another pointless birthday while you aren't here...

Forever and always,
Ava Xx


I look at the ground near your grave, I feel the tears falling. I try to hold them in but it's too much "I love you Liam, never forget that" I say, bending over, I kiss your headstone. I can't do this anymore, I want you so much. I can't stand another day without you. I miss you and I wish you could be here everyday. Until I see you again, I will always have time and we will always have Wolverhampton.

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