The Azkaban Kid

Poppy Sarai Dustan is a well known and scary death eater. She has been caught because of Thorfinn Rowle left her. She couldn't apparate so she got caught. She meets friends and enemies, but what is below the mask of evil? BTW she is 11!

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10. My Past

MY PAST

"Welcome Sarai. Please take a seat." Dumbledore motioned to a seat that was in front of his desk. I went and slumped into it, massaging my wrists. 

"Them shackles rubbed my arms!" I stated. They were pretty sore now.

"Why is that? Were they too tight?" Dumbledores eyes twinkled as he asked. I quite liked his eyes. 

"Yes!" I snapped. "Scare face put them way too tight but luckily Bill seemed to know that they didn't need to cut off my blood circulation." 

"Yes." Dumbledore chuckled. "Alastor can be rather heavy handed." That's the understatement of the century. "Do you know why I wanted to talk to you Sarai?" 

"Not really sir." His gaze seemed to make me uncomfortable. They were like x-raying me. 

"I would like to do these meetings often Sarai. I want to help you gain your childhood back and lose your inner anger and darkness." Simple explanation I guess. 

"Okay..." I hesitantly spoke. A bit weird. 

"No need to worry. I shall ask questions and you can answer them if you wish. But when you don't answer I shall ask the same one in the next meeting. Is that clear?" 

"Yes headmaster Dumbledore." He chuckled again. This guy was too happy. 

"Please Sarai. You may call me sir." I just nodded. 

"Start the ball rolling then." 

"I shall do just that Sarai. Firstly, Severus, Remus and Bill are still in the room. These questions are about your past, do you want them to stay?" 

"Might as well. It's not like anyone can feel sorry for me. I've done bad things." Dumbledore just nodded and conjured two more seats. There was a seat vacant next to me. 

"Would you like that chair to move or can someone sit next to you?" Dumbledore asked me. 

"Lupin can sit next to me. Otherwise the chair can move." I mumbled. 

"You may sit there Remus. Severus? Bill? Please take the other two seats." Dumbledore smiled warmly. Lupin sat down in the other chair and I looked at him. His face didn't show anything less than happiness. He looked sweet. 

"Right. Now we shall properly start." He coughed and laid back in his chair. 
"What is your earliest memory?" Easy. 

"A bright green flash of light and two thumps on the floor. The killer looked at me and sneered then disappeared into thin air." I didn't show emotion. I explained it like it was just a day at school or something. Dumbledore nodded. 

"Ok. When did your first magic show?"

"I was three I think. I seemed happy for once and my hair just suddenly platted itself while I was thinking about doing something with my hair." 

"I see. When was the first time something bad happened?" 

"Erm. I was about four and a half. Mrs.Postern had never cared about me and she shouted at me for not making my bed. I got angry a little bit and a plate few across the room and smashed against the wall." I looked down at my lap. "That was the first time anyone had ever hit me before." 

"I understand. Now please look at me so I can carry on." I reluctantly returned my emotionless gaze and he continued. 

"Did you ever hurt any of the other children?" I sat there for a while. Not really wanting to tell them. "Go on. Don't be worried about our reactions."

"Ok." I sighed. "The first time I hurt a child was when this boy pushed me to the floor. I was 5 he was 10. I got sad and stared at him. He flew over to the other side of the little grass path we were playing on. He only got a bruised arm. I got worse." 

"How do you mean?" Dumbledore interjected.

"Mrs.Postern pulled me to my room. She got her cane and smacked both my hands. I broke one of my little fingers. She didn't let me eat for two days." Lupin seemed to stifle a gasp pretending it to be a yawn. This was just the beginning. 

"Carry on with my previous question Sarai." 

"Well. Up until I was seven nothing really bad happened. I had smashed some vases and glasses but that was it. When I was seven though, this girl, probably eight or nine, decided to pick on me. I was small for my age so she seemed much taller than me. She pulled my hair and called me names, I just pushed her to get her off me and she flew into the opposite wall and was knocked out. Mrs.Postern pulled
me to my room by my hair and got her cane out again. She shouted abuse at me and hit me so much. It hurt and I screamed but no one would help. She never let me play out with the other kids again." 

"I see Sarai. Is there anything else?" 

"Only a few months later did the next thing happen. I was colouring in my room. Not doing anything wrong. By this time I had just turned eight years old. I was colouring in a picture that I had just drawn a picture of a dog and a man. The real picture was hovering in front of me. My door slammed open and a girl about 15 years old came in. 

She said, 'aw! Is little freak doing magic tricks again? Your such a freak and a weirdo. No wonder Postern beats you so much! You deserve it.' I remember exactly what she said to me. I turned in my seat and glared at her. She laughed and I tensed my hands causing my crayon to snap in my hands. Suddenly she screamed in pain and her leg snapped like my crayon. I had caused her leg to break. 

Mrs.Postern ran in with two other helpers while Gloria, I think her name was, screamed highly in pain. Mrs.Postern looked like she could have killed me. She got someone to ring an ambulance. After the ambulance had gone she came back for me. I lay under my bed in hope she didn't find me, but she did. She pulled me out by my ankle and I screamed. This time she didn't have her cane. She has a little pocket knife." Lupin seemed to go pale at this and Dumbledores eyes stopped twinkling. But I carried on. 

"First she just flew her fists at my face, arms, legs, anywhere she could reach. As I lay crying on the floor she flicked the knife open. I screamed and screamed but she put a hand over my mouth. All I could do was struggle as she held me down. Then I felt the worst pain ever. She didn't stop cutting me for ages but it was only on my lower arm, like my wrist area. I couldn't scream anymore because my voice wouldn't let me. They were like silent screams really." I took a deep breath. "Finally she got off me. She slapped my face hard and left my room with a bang. 

I curled up into a ball and just stared at the vicious word she had scribed into my skin. 'Sadistic'." Lupin shuddered and Dumbledore seemed weirdly interested. "If you want to see it then here it is." I pulled up my sleeve to show the evil word in that cows handwriting. I lay my arm on Dumbledores desk and he leaned in to have a look. Lupin did the same and Bill seemed to jump out of his seat to have a look. Severus just sat there unfazed. That is the kind of reaction I wanted. 

I put my sleeve back down and they returned to their seats. 

"It hurt so much and it hurt for days. I didn't get food for a week and then it was only some bread. One of the helpers brought a drink for me each day. I think she was scared to come near me. Many beatings followed and it happened at least three times a week for the next two years." 

"That is a powerful story Miss.Dustan. You do not, however, seem fazed by it." 

"No I'm not. I got my revenge on that stupid cow!" I exclaimed. I laughed a little evil laugh. 

"Please do not use such language. I would like to finish this meeting tonight. Eat and rest. Your schooling starts tomorrow. For now it is just with Severus. He shall be teaching you whichever lesson he feels appropriate. When I believe you can trust others and they can trust you, we shall move onto you being placed with the other professors as well. Do you understand?" 

The twinkle was back and he smiled at me. I kept my face blank though.

"Yes sir." I jumped off the seat and Lupin put a reflexive hand on my wrist. "What? Can I not even get off a chair?" I would have been angrier if it was someone else though. 

"Come on. Lets go to dinner." Lupin kept a soft grip on my wrist as we walked back to Severus' quarters. I wanted to eat there instead of in front of all the gaping eyes. It's really annoying me. 

"What are we eating?" I droned. 

"WE-" Severus pointed to himself and Bill. Lupin had to go home. "-are eating whatever we like. You are having a vegetable soup." 

"I'm having a what?" I exclaimed. 

"Vegetable soup Sarai. I trust you can figure out what that is." He sneered. 

"I might as well be back in Azkaban!" I yelled. I went to storm away but a hand clamped onto my wrist. "Get. Off. Me!" I spat. 

"No miss.Dustan I will.not. This is my living space and my rules. You shall eat this and go to bed." He ordered me. I'm not being ordered around by a bat thank you very much. 

"Oh and what are you gonna do if I don't?" I smirked, my little evil smirk. 

"You shall be punished. Your on, let's say, probation from Azkaban you know. Any nasty slip ups and your gone!" He spoke in a normal tone but it was a bit scary. "Do I make myself clear?" He got right in my face.

"Not really." I smirked. He seemed to let out a growl like an animal and then he grabbed my upper arms. 

"Now listen to me Sarai." He spoke kind of calmly but deadly. "I will not accept this foolish behaviour. I have agreed to allow you to live here and I have agreed to teach you. The least you could do is show me respect." He spat. 

"Well guess what. No adults have respected me so why should I?" I replied in the same tone. 

"For some reason Albus respects you. Lupin respects you and unfortunately I have no doubt that Black respected you." He explained. 

"Exactly. You don't respect me. Your like the others. Hurt my feelings or don't even give a crap!" I squirmed in his grip which only tightened. "I have been treated like a worthless nobody all my life and it's my parents fault. I can't trust anyone and it's because of THIS!" I exclaimed. I pulled my sleeve up and showed the other words. Along with 'sadistic' there were others. Severus seemed to let go and actually examine my arm. 

He saw 'freak', 'worthless' and 'bitch' inscribed up my arm. His face seemed to soften ever so slightly and so I pulled my arm away. 

"I don't need your pity." I spat. "I don't want to eat, I'm just gonna go to bed." With that I left them in the large living area. 

I opened my door and slammed it behind me. I mumbled to my self about the day. After I felt a bit calmer, I got out my pyjamas and went to bed. Tomorrow is gonna be a looooong day with Severus. 

/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/-:/

I woke up of my own accord this time. I looked around and saw the darkness. But once I'm up I don't sleep again. I stared out of the window into the full moon sky. The moon seemed to be fading so I guess it was about 5oclock. 

I got out of the bed and looked into the wardrobe. I despised my uniform but grudgingly put it on. Stupid Griffindors. I left my hair straight down and made my way to the living area. The doors were enchanted so I couldn't go through any except my bedroom and the bathroom one. 

In the living area Bill was sleeping on the sofa. People always look so peaceful when they are asleep. I decided to take a seat on one of the armchairs. It may be a while before anyone wakes up. 

I stared into the fire for a while, thinking. I felt so guilty about Sirius. I felt happy that I was here. I felt excited but nervous for the school next term. Everyone staring, laughing, pointing.

"What are you doing?" A voice sneered from behind me. Severus has such a welcoming voice, doesn't he? Not. 

"That's my business." I muttered. 

"I shall be teaching your first lesson in 30 minutes. Mr.Weasley is still asleep, please don't kill him while I prepare." My hands bawled into fists. I stood up and walked to him. 

"Why don't you just shut up?" I spat. He smirked at me and I went to punch him right in the stomach, but a hand caught my wrist. 

"Don't do that Sarai." It was Bill. Why didn't he just let me punch this man silly?

"Why cant i just beat him up?" I turned around and looked Bill in the eyes. They looked tired but with a bit of amusement maybe. 

"Do you want to go back to Azkaban Sarai?" He has a point. I sighed and pulled my fist from Bills grasp. Severus just left the room. 

I slumped back into the chair and just waited for about 20 minutes. Then the over large bat came back into the room. 

"Come now. We shall be starting your first lesson." With that he seemed to just walk away. I had no choose but to follow really quickly and Bill had to do the same. It was too early so there were no students even awake yet. This curtain haired man walks too fast. I was literally running to keep up. In the end we came to a classroom. It was further down than the dungeons even were. Severus was standing in front of the small room when I entered. Bill shut the door when I was inside, he stayed outside. 

"Sit down Sarai." Severus drawled. I couldn't be bothered so I just sat in a nearby chair. "For some reason Dumbledore feels you need to practice occlumency. Therefore we shall be doing that today." I didn't get a single word he just said. "You shall be practicing keeping people out of your mind. When I perform the spell, you need to resist it as much as possible." He droned on. 

"Fine." I mumbled. He took out his wand and told me to do the same. I held my wand at the ready as he lifted his and pointed it at me. 

"Legilimens!" He exclaimed. The spell hit me full force and it gave me a horrible pain in my head. I closed my eyes tightly and suddenly my memories were whizzing through my mind. 

First it was just the memory of my parents death. Then it changed and went to my orphanage days. They were horrible to watch, the beatings, cuts, bullies. Me being starved and held in my room. They were disturbing to say the least. They carried on from when I was small up until how I am now. It recited the memory when I got the dark mark. How I was slapped and beaten by the death eaters if I showed weakness. I watched myself killing people. Innocent people, but in my eyes they were traitors. In a way I didn't seem happy about it. I didn't laugh or smile, I would just watch and kill. I saw through the whole one and half years of me being a true death eater. Irony Malfoy teaching me then Thorfinn Rowle taking me under his wing. Then it came to when I was captured. How I struggled to torture that woman and Rowle killed them and then hurt me before fleeing. I watched myself as I threw the temp wand to the floor and gave myself up. Why did I not put up a fight? 

Then it came to my months in Azkaban. Me bonding and talking with Sirius. Then I watched my potions lessons. Severus seemed nice back then. I watched my first Dementor attack and how I looked so helpless and I cried. They are the only things that can make me cry. Sirius comforted me and held my hands for the first time. It flipped fast through my Dementor attacks, eating, starving and lessons. Then it went to how happy I was when I realised I was going to Hogwarts. Then to the actual time I left Azkaban. I put up a fight to see Sirius. The pain suddenly became really bad in my head and I had to scream out. 

I was brought back to reality clutching my head and I was on the floor. I looked up and saw Severus looking blank. I wonder why. The doors flew open and in came Remus and Tonks. 

"What's happening in here?" He looked alarmed. 

"Simple occlumency Lupin." Severus sneered. "Now can you let me teach?" Remus nodded and Tonks just followed after him and shut the door. 

"What the hell was that? I saw all my memories flash before me!" I said maybe too loudly. His head snapped towards me and I looked into his eyes. They looked slightly pained. 

"I used the legilimency spell Sarai. It causes a lot of discomfort and pain to the person fighting it, but you were not actually fighting it." His voice was a drawl but it wasn't completely cold like usual. 

"Yeh. So why did you want me to see all those memories anyway?" I asked. 

"It's a spell to penetrate the mind and see someone else's thoughts or memories." He simply stated. 

"So, so you saw all of them?" I looked down at my feet and realised why he seemed slightly uneasy. 

"Yes Sarai I did." 

"I'm sorry." I don't know where that came from but I had a sudden rush of guilt even though it wasn't my fault he had seen then. 

"Never mind. This time, please focus and use all you can to keep me from your mind." He explained. I braced myself this time. I tensed myself and stared into his eyes. 

"I'm ready." 

"Legilimens!" I was shocked into memories again but I tried to fight it. I made the memories into only happy ones. I guess it was a start. He was seeing only why I wanted him to see.

When I was young and showed no magic. I would play with the other holders and laugh. I would colour pictures and draw with my 'friends'. Then it was the happy memories of thinking I belonged. Being told I got to go to Hogwarts. Then I was away from my memories again. 

"That was good Sarai. You didn't get me out of your mind but you only showed me what you wanted to. That was a start." His cold voice was back again but I didn't mind. 

We worked on this for a couple of hours. I had seen a lot of bad memories and each time the connexion would be broken. That but of pain would show in Severus' eyes again and we would continue. Bad memories only made an appearance rarely. They were mainly memories that I felt were happy or normal. Like eating dinner or having a conversation with Sirius or the orphanage children. 

By the end of he two hours I had successfully pushed Severus out of my mind once. But it was good enough for me. 

"It is lunch. I shall allow you to rest for the day and return tommorow. We will be doing a bit of herbology." I nodded weakly because my head was banging and I was dead on my feet. Through out the session I had screamed a lot. Remus would occasionally come in and ask if everything was ok. 

I got up from the chair and shuffled to the door. I was just so worn out. Severus opened the door and motioned for me to go out. I walked a couple of steps but I couldn't hold myself up anymore. I was just too weak. 

Remus gave me a sort of smile but I just fell to the floor and I fell asleep as Remus ran towards me.

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