Always and Never

Ariel Tanner believed that love was nothing but an illusion, a sick prank your brain pulls on you. But when she meets Harry Styles she begins to question everything she has put together about love. This frustrating boy was the only truly genuine person she'd ever met. How someone like him could even exist blew her mind. Harry, on the other hand, was amazed at how closed off Ariel acted. He made it his mission to knock down the walls she'd built around herself, because behind the flirting and the sarcasm, he got a glimpse of a girl that he wanted to become as close as humanly possible to. But did he really want to know everything behind those walls?


50. Dependent

Harry and I didn't drive home after lunch, we went to a cake shop. One of the really fancy expensive ones. Liam's birthday was coming up, and it was our job to get the cake.

“So he likes surfing, toy story, twitter, running...” I listed off possible ideas for a cake.

“I think we should have one made that's like an Olympic gold medal, with his name on it and the 500 meter dash or something.” Harry said, wandering around the place like he had nowhere to go.

“That's good.” I agreed. He smiled, going up to the cashier- whom was a girl about our age, she let out a small yelp when he spoke to her. I had to hide my laughter. He's not that great, I wanted to tease, but I didn't say anything.

Harry described to her what his idea was, and even sketched it quickly on a napkin. I guessed that the girl would keep the napkin forever, the way she picked it up made it seem like it was made of paper thin glass.

“By Thursday?” She asked as she rung us up.

“Yeah- how'd you- never mind.” Harry smiled. Her entire face turned first red, then a shade that was in between red and purple. Even her ears. She must be one of the millions of girls in the word who know Liam's birthday by heart.

Before we left she timidly asked for a picture with Harry. He obliged. I finally let out my laughter when we left the store.

“I can't believed you embarrassed her like that.” I smirked, he'd been teasing the girl when she made it obvious she knew Liam's birthday. 

“Gotta have a little fun.” He replied, a wide grin spread across his face.

“True...” I agreed. We drove home, each changing into pajamas and laying around on the couch for the rest of the day. I munched on a few goldfish crackers to push away the last of the stress from earlier.

On Thursday Harry went out to Liam's house and then to a club with all the lads. He told me I could come with but I didn't want to spoil their guy's night. I called Liam to wish him a happy birthday before he left.

Harry being gone gave me an opportunity to finally go out and buy their CDs... I put them in the CD player after I got home and listened to them until around midnight, then I assumed Harry'd be home soon so I put them away. I could sing a lot of the songs by heart already. They were catchy.

I waited up for a few hours after that but then decided to go to bed. God I hope he's not at a strip club, I sighed. He got home at around 4, I heard him get into bed.

Holy hell he smelled. A mix of alcohol, stale cologne, and sweat created a cloud around him. Whoa, he needed a bath. My face scrunched up as he leaned over and placed a wet kiss on my cheek. The smell was overwhelming.

I pretended to be asleep. Harry was snoring within minutes. I waited a little while to make sure he was really asleep, and tip-toed out the door and down to the living room. I slept on the couch, getting up early to shower so that he wouldn't know I came down here to sleep.

I sang softly in the shower, Little Things. That song was my favorite out of the two albums. When I left the bathroom, fully dressed with my damp hair up in a ponytail, Harry smirked at me from the bed. His hair was wild, sticking up in all directions.

“I could hear you singing.” He murmured. I felt my cheeks turn red.

“You could, could you?” I asked.

“Mmhm.” He nodded, standing up, then taking my arms and placing them around his neck. He put his hands on my hips. He didn't smell as bad anymore but he still didn't smell great.

“I'm in love with you, and all your little things.” He sang quietly. I smiled, resting my head on his chest. We stood like that for a while. Harry was the one to break the silence.

“I have to go out of town next week.” He mumbled.

“For how long?” I asked.

“6 days.” He answered. I leaned away to look at his face.

“Where are you going?” I questioned. How could I not expect this? He was in a band! He had to leave sometime! I began to panic a bit, what happens when he goes on tour??

“First France, then Spain. To do a little promoting for our new album.” He replied.

“So I'll have the house to myself for a week?” I asked teasingly, trying to lighten my own mood a bit.

“Yes, I trust you won't burn it down.” He grinned, leaning in and pressing his lips to mine.

“Okay pretty boy, go shower. You smell like guy's night.” I chuckled. Harry laughed, pecking my cheek once more, then disappearing into the bathroom.

Harry and I tried to have fun, the week before he had to leave. 

I felt kind of ridiculous, like I was treating this like it was the last week I had with him. He'd be fine, and he'd be back after 6 days. Not long at all...

We stood in the entryway, silence engulfing us. Harry had one suitcase, a lot smaller than one I would have needed for almost a week. I tried not to look to sad about him leaving, for his sake. I gave him a ginger hug, then backed away quickly. He looked at me with disappointment in his eyes.

“Are you looking forward to being home alone?” He questioned.

“No! Er, no. I just thought it was no big deal to you.” I kind of shrugged it off. I bit the inside of my lip, God I hope it is a bigger deal to him than it is to me. Damn, I was way too dependent. You're not dependent, I argued with myself. You're just in love, it's normal to be sad when someone you love goes away.

He dropped his suitcase, and picked me up by wrapping his arms around my waist. My legs wrapped around his torso. He hugged me tightly to him, my face nuzzled into his neck.

“I'm going to miss you.” He sighed.

“It's going to be boring without you in the house, work and utter silence. I forgot what it's like to live alone...” I mumbled. A chuckle rumbled in his chest.

“I'll call.” He promised.

“You better.” I laughed quietly. He pressed his lips to mine, a goodbye kiss. I almost kept it going, knowing that if he didn't leave soon he'd miss his flight, and would have to stay for longer. But I didn't, I broke away. He looked, almost, hurt at my interruption. Our foreheads rested against each other.

“You're going to miss your flight.” I said quietly.

“You're right.” He sighed. He set me down, and got his suitcase again.

“I love you.” He smiled on his way out the front door.

“I love you too.” I forced an answering smile. I'm sure it looked really fake. I watched out the window as he drove away. Wow. Alone. Officially.

I wandered aimlessly around the house, cleaning things, reorganizing things... Anything to keep my hands busy. It probably would have been better if I had work tonight, but it was a Saturday...

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