Just another fan (TH)

Just Another Fan is just another Tokio Hotel fanfic :D

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17. I'm going home anyways

Some people performed and they all seemed really nervous. I would be nervous too, but I couldn't really think much. All I could think of was Bill. He was so nice and cute and perfect. I wasn't really a fan, right now I felt like I was more. Maybe we were even friends. I had never been good at knowing when people saw me as a friend, and when they just saw me as someone they know. I didn't think of anyone as my friend. To me a friend was someone who knew all the little things about you that you had never told anyone before. Someone who was always by your side, and someone who could make you laugh. I had never had someone like that. Or at least not since kindergarten.
Everyone stood up and began to walk away. I wanted to stand up, but suddenly I couldn't move. A million thoughts flew through my head, but at the same time I couldn't think straight. I began to panic since I couldn't move. I could see Bill and Tom standing in front of me, and their mouths was moving, but I couldn't hear a thing. Suddenly everything got blurry, and I saw Lily in front of me. Deep down I knew she wasn't there, but it felt very real. I could hear some voices talking to me, but I didn't catch what they said.
"Anna, please say something", someone cried, but I couldn't figure out who.
Then everything went black.

"Thank god Anna you're awake. What happened", Bill asked me. I was lying down, but I couldn't think of why.
"What's going on Bill, why am I lying down? What happened", I asked. 
But I had a pretty good guess. This had happened before. It was a really bad panic attack. Maybe the judges were right. Maybe I wasn't ready for this at all. Maybe I was just supposed to be at home right now to take care of Lily. Maybe.
"Anna are you okay", Bill asked.
"Yes I am. This has happened before, trust me it's nothing. When am I going to perform", I asked to change the subject.
"In 20 minutes", Bill said.
I stood up, and went out to practice. I practiced for a while, and then I went to sing to the judges. It was all still very blurry, and I wasn't even sure of the song title. I was just singing some lines, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I had let Lily down, and now she was with some random family that I didn't even know.

"Anna", Tom yelled.
"Yeah, sorry", I said.
"Did you even hear what we said", Dieter asked. I could tell he was pretty pissed.
"Can you please say it again? I'm sorry", I said.
"Anna we're really worried about you. You're a great singer, but you're very unstable. It's a really hard decision since we're 2 against 2, but don't doubt that you're a great singer, because you are", Tom said.
2 against 2? Who was with me, and who we're against me? I knew Dieter was against and I was pretty sure Bill was with me. But was Tom or Mateo with me? I hoped it was Tom. But then again, what difference would it make? I knew I was going home anyways.

We walked to the airport, and flew home. To be honest I don't remember much that happened. I just wanted to go home so bad. And it was such a relief finally to be home.

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