Just another fan (TH)

Just Another Fan is just another Tokio Hotel fanfic :D

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19. Early Berlin

I went home and I was just sitting there, staring into the wall. My mom was dead. And so was my dad. And I wasn't allowed to see my sister anymore. How was I ever supposed to get through life with this? My dad's death wasn't anyone's fault, but it still hurter. My mom's death though. It was all my fault. When her husband died I yelled at her everyday. I took away her daughter, and send her to the hospital. And it was my fault Lily was gone too. The only way I could get past this was to not allow myself to think about it for a second. I needed to be 100% focused on winning DSDS and I needed to win. 

I tried to sleep, but it was impossible. Whenever I closed my eyes the thoughts came back. I couldn't sleep. I needed something to do. I went outside to take a walk in the small city that didn't feel like home anymore. Home isn't just be a place you stay because you don't know where to go. Home is some place where you can feel safe and be yourself. 
I had no idea where I was headed, I was just walking around. Suddenly I was standing in front of the train station. I went inside as a train arrived. It was headed for Berlin. Without even thinking I went into it. I sat in the train for several hours, and it began to become light outside.

I arrived to Berlin at dawn. People was just beginning to wake up. I could see the lights turn on in the houses, but there was hardly any people on the streets yet. Today was the day where I found out if I would continue in DSDS or if I was going home. It was here in Berlin, but I didn't want to come yet when it wasn't till 5 pm. I kept walking for a while, but I had no idea of where to go. I saw this big hotel, and then I realized it was the hotel the judges was staying in.
Before I could think further about it I saw a well known face in the door. 
"Anna what are you doing here", Bill asked and smiled. He was headed towards me and he opened his arms to hug me.
"I don't know", I said and looked down. He came over and hugged me.
"What's wrong honey", he asked. 
"Nothing", I said and began to move my feet back and forth as I looked at them.
"Anna I'm not stupid", he said. "I can see that you aren't okay".
"My mom killed herself and I can't see my little sites anymore", I said. I wanted to keep it in, but it all just bursted out of me.
"What? No, no, no, no, no! That's terrible. I don't even know what to say", he said as he tried to make me feel better. But of course he didn't know what to say, and I didn't expect him to. "Everything will be okay, don't worry. Are you all alone now then".
I couldn't speak, so I nodded. He opened his arms and hugged me tight. I took my hands up his back and held my hands around his should as I putted my head into his cheats.
But then suddenly I thought of something. I pulled myself away from him, and he looked confused at me.
"Please say you'll only let me through, because of this right? I don't wanna get through on a wildcard", I said and looked angry at him.

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