To Far Gone

Its hard to be positive in a world like this. In a world where chaos rules over hope. Where killing your best friend is easy. When you watch your little brother be torn apart by a pack of hungry dogs and can only shrug your shoulders, wipe the tears from your eyes and walk away. Its hard, really hard. Especially when all I see is death and decay. When everybody is to far gone.


1. o n e

When he walked into camp I almost dropped my rifle. Oh and I almost shot him. He walked out from behind the big oak tree and looked me right in the eyes. He stood heavier on his left leg, he had been hurt. His blonde hair was strewn across his forehead and was streaked with blood. A cut on his head. His face was dirty and he looked about five years older then when I saw him last. I walked over to him slowly, my hands shaking. I put my gun on a rock beside him. 

I wanted to do so many things then. I wanted to cry with my head in my hands and my knees pulled into my chest, I wanted to rock myself like a baby. I wanted to scream and yell at him I wanted to say so many swear words to him and call him so many things. Oh god I wanted to hit him so fucking bad, I wanted to smack that stupid little look off his face, I wanted to smack more then that off his face, maybe some teeth too. His hands stayed, unmoving at his sides but mine were bunched in fists so tight scarlet blood formed in tiny beads on my palms, pain was nothing to me anymore. I wanted to tell him to leave and to never come back, to never even look at me again. A little tiny part wanted to shove him outside the gate that was a few meters behind him. A little part of me wanted to let "them" take him, the things that took every other one of my loved ones. I wanted to shove him into the walkers, zombies, whatever you wanted to call them. But the thing was, I also wanted to take his big face in my hands and kiss him hard and strong, just like I used to, just like we did before all this shit happened. I wanted to slip my tongue into his mouth and I wanted to taste him. I wanted to taste the sweat and blood in him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and sway me to sleep, just like we used to. 

Funny thing was I kind of did most of those things to him.. but all at once. I shoved him straight in the chest with two hands, making hand prints in blood on his shirt. I started to scream at him stupid things, lots and lots of swear words . He stood looking at me, his face filled with concern. I pounded on his chest with my fists like a two year old having a tantrum. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. And just when I thought I would pass out he gathered me up unto his chest. His scared covered arms wrapped around my shoulders and he pressed me into him so tight i could hear his heart beating steadily.  

"I am so fucking sorry Grace" Was all he said and I sobbed harder and louder. 

"I thought you were dead Ryan!" I cry into his chest, "You were my only family left, Ryan and I thought I lost you"

He held me tighter and placed his hand into the small of my back, "I am so sorry", he takes my face in his hands and wipes the tears out of my eyes, "i am back now" 

I shake my head hoplessly, "i watched you die Ryan, I watched them s s s swarm around you and eat you" I stutter more, thinking about it, "I I I I watched y y ou die Ryan!"

"Sshhh" we stood like that for a while and then slowly moved inside the tent and lay down, he never released his hand from mine. I lay in his arms as he rocks me to sleep, just like I wanted. But I couldn't get the image of the walkers tearing him apart and his bloody body laying still and I couldn't help but feel a little bit scared. 

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