Journal - Harry Styles

I see the lights. Blinding. All the noise. Screams. This is all I ever dreamed about. I could get whatever I want. Or almost. The person I want the most, I can't have.

- The Journal of Harry Styles, 19


1. Perks

There is so many perks at being a popstar, of course there are. Money. Cars. Partys. It's the life. 


Or other would say that. I doub't. This is all, like, everything I dreamed in my wildest dreams. It's wilder, though. 

Beside that, there is alot of things I can't get. I may sound like a selfish person, "I want everything and more than that". I ain't like that. I mean it. You know the story of the "oops" and "hi"? Of course you do. They know litterally everything about me. Or they think so. They know the outside-harry-styles. 

To be honest the truth is, that i fell in love with a very charming human. The blue eyes, and brown hair. The soft brown har. I love him, I really do. But I can't, and that will nobody ever understand. I not supposed to feel this way, crazy fucking crazy I'm-going-out-of-my-mind in love with him. With him, yea. Him. My heart beats even faster than possible is when I talk about him. Talk with him. For gods sake, why can't he be mine? He belong to me, no doubt. And I know he loves me. Not as much as I love him because that would be truly impossible. I fell for him, hard and fast. It all started with two stupid words, and with thoose two stupid word a love so strong came. Or, the period where I.. Where we always where together was magical. I would love to turn back time and just be there with him. Only him and I. Us. 

It isn't us anymore. It's him and her. Louis and that.. I don't even wanna say her name. When we got introduced, i thought she was sweet enough. Pretty girl, and shit. Now shes banging my nerves. She got the job. THE JOB! Who do they think we are? Just hire a girlfriend? My anger at them is overwhelming. I hate them, but quit them we cannot. They are putting it all together. All I want in compare to the "together" is being with him. Yell at him, push him away, just to kiss him afterwards. I love him, I truly do. And I miss him. We can't be seen together it makes hallalot drama everywhere. Everyone sees us, so we need to be kept as a secret. Someday when we get old, Louis and I we will sit.. I don't know where. But just as long it's me and him sitting together i would be the happiest man ever. He just makes me so happy. One day, I'd tell you. One day.


Dear Journal, it's pretty wicked that i'm writting this at the buttom, but Dear Journal: i dont mind anything else than him. Thats is for today. The poetic Harry came in, messed aroung and now hes leaving as usual. See ya.

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