“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.


3. Two



“No!” I wake up panting, drenching with sweat, tangled with the bed sheets. I quickly jump out of bed not hesitating on bit, I can’t go back to sleep now, after that, I can’t. Pussy. I run my fingernails on my scalp to wipe the sweat off. I grab my phone off of my bedside table, it’s only five thirty in the morning. I read somewhere that running at dawn really helps the body to burn more calories, your saggy ass needs that.

The only light in the room what from the sunrise, the room was a reddish color. I made my way to the closet and pulled out my fitted Capri’s and white jacket, white makes you fat, I pulled my blonde hair into a pony tail and slipped into my jogging shoes. After I got dressed, I grabbed some sticky notes and a pen and wrote, “off for a run,” then stuck it on my mother’s door. The smell of cigarettes could be smelled through the peep hole and hard oak wooden door, this is how you’re going to end up.

I started running down the street listing to some music, clearing my head. Your messed up head. I noticed a moving truck at the end of the road, in front of the old Randy’s house, and I could see distant figures, I guess we have new neighbors, I never liked Mr. Randy anyway. He didn’t like you either. I ran faster until I could see the figures clearly. An older woman was standing next to the truck watching the men unload the truck, another older man who looked like he could be her husband in the car behind the truck with, two sleeping children in the back, a boy and a girl. Then I noticed a boy who was helping the movers unload the car, he was tan and had short black hair with a beard, he looked like he a college student. However, what caught my attention was a girl sitting on a box holding a book and reading while eating an apple, she looked about my age and had luscious brown hair. That’s what hair looks like, not like your silly excuse. I forgot I was staring at her and tripped over my shoelaces and fell on my knees, Stupid, clumsy, idiot! But that seemed to get her attention, because I think I saw her grinning over book. Great, now you’re the clumsy idiot chick, you are going to be a laughing stalk at school.

After I walked a respectful distance I decided it was time to go home and get ready for school, but I took the long way to avoid the old Randy’s house. There was a little part of me though that wanted to see her again. Girl crush much? Remember what happened to the last lesbian at school? I shake my head, it wasn’t a girl crush, I just wanted to know what book she was reading. Yeah, great excuse.

I took a shower and blow dried my hair, I decided to go with black pantyhose, jeans high waisted shorts, a black shirt with a shirt with “My chemical romance” printed on it, an olive colored button down worn as a jacket, studded accessories and black combat boots. Ugly. I put my biology and math notebooks into my bag, along with my Mac book. I walked down the hallway and ripped off the sticky note and knocked maniacally of her door and heard a grunt. “MOM! Wake up!”

I grab my car keys and drive to school, Looking forward to a day full of shit? No. Looking forward to living through hell? No. Ready to be criticized to death? No. Well too bad. I park in the half empty parking lot of my school and banged my head on the steering wheel, I wish right now that earth would decide to be generous and crack open swallowing me whole. But that wasn’t going to happen so I just pulled myself out of the car just as Matt’s car pulled over next to mine. Smile you idiot, I quickly slapped on a smile as Matt and Jane hopped out of the car, I gripped my jacket tighter and walked over to give Matt and Jane a hug.

“Hey you!” he says while wrapping his arms around me, swallowing me into his chest.

“Hey Matty!” I say trying to sound as cheerful as possible, pulling out of the hug trying to widen my smile. Fake.

“Hey gorgeous,” says Jane hugging me tight, she smelled really good, I mean her perfume did. Uh Oh.

We walked to class together, they were holding hands and being all cute and I was trying to look busy pulling my math notebook out. Nobody will even look at you like that. I hope that’s not true.

The first three periods were boring and I spent them drawing doodle on the corners of my notebooks, trying to avoid everyone, especially the teacher. I really didn’t need him pressuring me to talk in public, because you’re an insecure piece of shit? Basically yes. Everything was boring until lunch time came and I spent it outside typing up my history essay on my Mac and drinking diet coke. I heard an engine stop and I looked at were the sound was coming from, then I choked on my coke. Fuck, It was the girl from the Randy’s house, she was with her father who had dark circles around his eyes. She was wearing ripped leggings, a black white and red striped mini skirt, Demonica platform boots with a guns and roses shirt. I tried to attempt to hide behind my screen and I closed my eyes, She’s going to see you. I opened my eyes and lifted my head to see a bright pair of green eyes.

“I won’t bite,” were the first words the girl from the Randy house said to me.

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