“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.


13. Twelve




“Good morning starshine, the Earth says hello!” I say when Roxy picks up. Also, I was walking up to my car, I called to check if she wanted me to pick her up.

“Morning babe, you're in a good mood,” she says, “Augh! I don’t know what the hell to wear.”

“I think you’d look gorgeous in anything, plus who are you dressing to impress?” I tease and hear her laugh.

“You, who else?” she says and I smile, crawling into the front seat of my car.

“So do you want me to pick you up?” I say and start the engine.

“Yeah, I think I found what I’m going to wear.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes,” I say and reverse out of the driveway.

“Kay babe, bye.” She says and we hang up.

I turn and drive straight ahead to Roxy’s house, when I stopped in front of her house I knew she wouldn’t be ready so I looked into my mirror, Ugly, I just checked if my make up was alright then pulled some blueberry chap stick and applied it. The car door opened and I looked startled, Roxy hopped in wearing mini shorts with ripped pantyhose, a white Vans shirt and black vans. Her hair was down naturally and she had little make up.

“Who are you trying to impress?” she says mimicking my voice, I laugh.


“Drive a little so I can kiss you,” and I drove off.

“is the distance bug enough?” I say and wink at her, she laughs and nods. I stopped the car.

She moves closer, her lips touch mine and I smile into the smile and I feel her smile too. Her lips feel soft and taste like Coca-Cola and cigarettes, her tongue slips into my mouth and my tongue enjoys the taste. My hand tangles in her hair and her hand was on my knee, we pull out and I peck her nose. Then we sit normally and I start driving while holding her hand.

“It’s weird that you still haven’t come out to your parents.” I say pulling her hand close to my mouth and kiss it.

“If I did I would be dead now, my parents expect me to be the perfect daughter, you know, doesn’t smoke, straight, straight A pluses, wear decent clothes. They put so much pressure on me, It hurts when I disappoint them. If I came out to them, my dad would act casually and ignore it, and my mom would take me to a therapist, or a preacher or anything to fix me up.” She sighs. It hurt knowing that.

“I’m sorry, your parents may not find you perfect, but you are my definition if perfect,” I say and she smile holding my hand with both of hers and playing with them.

“Thanks, so when are you going to come out to your mom?” she asks.

“Well my mom has experience if you know what I mean so she’ll get it, and Jared wouldn’t mind, so pretty soon,” I smile at her and she kisses me on the cheek.

When we were close to school, we let go of each other’s hands. I parked and we both hop out of the car, I see Matt and the group sitting on the main stairs and we walk to them, I want to hold Roxy’s hand more than ever but we’re in danger zone. I hug Matt, then Jane, Spencer and Jordan. Then look at Roxy hugging them, when she hugged Spencer jealousy pinched me. Hide it, Hide it now.

“I Have first period,” I say and walk upstairs, I felt kind of worried about leaving Roxy with Spencer, it wasn’t that I didn’t trust Roxy it was the fact that I didn’t trust Spencer with my most precious item.

School passed on normally, I couldn’t wait till art class so I could see Roxy, but art class was last period. I walked to my locker to get my books at third period, I felt a pair of hands on my waist and knew it was Roxy, nobody touches me like her.

“Nice ass,” she whispers into my ear and walks away. I giggle and shake my head, she’s crazy, she’s amazing.

I close my locker and find Matt waiting for me, I smile and walk towards him.

“Hey,” I say.

“Where did you disappear that night at Jordan’s?” Busted, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Roxy and I ditched, why what happened?” stay cool. I’m trying

“You didn’t call me or talked to me or anything since that day.”

“Sorry Mat I was-“

“With Roxy? What the hell is going on with you two?” Shit, shit, shit, his voice is hinting at something.

“Matt I’m-“

“No don’t bother, go tell Roxy.” And he walks away.

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