“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.


14. Thirteen



“Babe, I’m worried, call me.” Was one of the many voice messages Roxy left me, I left school after that little conflict with Matt. Roxy has been calling me since lunch time, but I’ve been ignoring everybody, I hate myself. Matt is, well was my best friend, he helped through a lot. It hurt knowing that I could be so heartless as to ignore him while he clearly cares about me. You know how to make the pain go away.

Without a second thought I jumped out of bed and walked to my bathroom, I opened the mirror cupboard and took out the little red box. It’s been a while since I’ve pulled it out, I missed my friends. I opened the box, which one do I use? Albert? Diana? Kurt? Just use anything.

I used Kurt, I used him usually on the worst days. Nonetheless, I found myself with fresh new scars across my arms and my hip bones. I looked closer at them, I don’t remember doing this. I don’t. Kurt fell from my fingers, my eyes were stinging. Then I burst out crying, I feel selfish for pitying myself. I hate myself.

Someone knocks on my door.

“GO AWAY!” I cry.

“Iris, it’s me Roxy.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” I say sobbing.

“Iris, please I’m worried sick about you, please.” She pleads and knocks on the door softly.

“No, you’ll just judge me and leave me with more wounds for me to fix,” I say between breaths.

“Iris if you don’t open this door right now, I will break it.”

I walk to the door, I’m so overwhelmed I do nothing to hide my extraterrestrial scars. Also, I’m bleeding, but it doesn’t hurt.

“Are you alone?”

“Yes, I’m alone. Iris, please open the door.” And I do.

She stood there looking at me with her green eye, my eyes refill. She’s going to run now. I expected her to, but she doesn’t. She walks in and closes the door, then sighs. And I breakdown, I felt so vulnerable and exposed showing my tears, I’ve learned in my eighteen years of existence that tears are the most valuable thing a person has. The sounds of my sobs are too loud in my ears, I barely hear my knees crash into the floor. Then what seems to be a miracle happens, Roxy pulls me into her embrace, we’re rocking, her torso supported my back and her arms wrapped around my waist.

“Shhhh,” she whispers into my ear and my sobs quiet down, “what’s wrong?” she whispers and I cradle into her arms.

“It hurts,” I say and she wipes my tears.

“You cut your skin, of course it hurt,” she says and I giggle a sob.

“I don’t mean these,” I say extending my arms, “I mean here.” And I point to my chest.

“Why does it hurt there?” she asks, her voice tender and soft.

“It’s hard to explain.” I say and she sighs.

“Well whenever you want to tell me, I’m all ears.” She says and pecks my forehead.

“Your still here, your still with me,” I say.

“of course I’m still here, your scars don’t make you less beautiful, your crying doesn’t make me like you less, your mine and I’m yours, nothing can break that, I was once in your position,” she whispers the last bit.

“What?” is say and sit facing her, she holds my hand, then runs a finger on my wrist. I flinch.

“I used to cut, I use to be miserable, I use to be suicidal. I still am, just not as much, I’m still depressed. I was extremely depressed when I came here, but you made it better. You’re my remedy, that’s why I’m so drawn to you,” she sighs and I hug her.

“You’re my remedy as well, today was a bad day because I had a conflict with Matt, but ever since the party I’ve been scar clean, until today.”

“Iris, how about we skip school tomorrow and go to my parent’s yard?” she says pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Would your parents mind?”

“Who said they had to know?”



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