“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.


17. Sixteen



"Your girlfriend as in, your girl- friend?" he asks looking utterly confused. I point to the couch and we sit together, I put my hand on his knee and drew a deep breath.

"My girlfriend as in the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I mean Jare-"

"You're gay." He said making it sound simple and easy.

"You could say that, I love her Jared. I want to bring her to dinner, but mom isn't like other moms who bake cookies and takes a lot of pictures of us, and her parents don't exactly know she's gay, so we had to leave for a while. I needed to be alone with her, I love her very very much Jared." I look up and meet his eyes, he was grinning. I smile at him and he chuckles.

"what?" i ask and punch him slightly.

"I don't remember you ever being this happy, ever." He says and we laugh.

"I've never been this happy." And it was true, I have never been as happy as I am with Roxy, its like when she's in the room, she glows so bright that even if I tried i couldn't take my eyes off of her, I've never felt this comfortable with someone before. Nobody was going to take her away from me, even if it meant running away, i finally found happiness and there is no way anybody will take that from me.

I left to my room and showered, today Roxy wanted her parent to meet her "friend" Iris. She texted me that it was a formal dinner so i had to sneak into my moms dirty and disgusting room to steal her black bandage dress. I put it on and I looked shorter and curvier than my mom, i put on a blue blazer and matching shoes with little hoop earrings and big curls. I looked in the mirror for a split second then looked away and ran to my car. Jared was tired and napping on the sofa and my mom was at work apparently, I taped a note on Jared's forehead saying that i was leaving.

On a scale of one to ten of nervousness I was on 20. How am I supposed to meet my girlfriend who isn't my girlfriend in front of her parents? How am i supposed to act? Do I touch her? no, defiantly not. why do you even care? your gonna screw up eventually. No, I won't.

I drove about five minutes then stayed in my car for about ten in front of their house. My stomach felt like a zoo and my heart was beating too fast. I think I might be having a panic attack, i hear my phone ding and i snatch it almost too fast.

Babe- Are you going to stay in your car forever?

Me- Can I?

Babe- My parents won't eat you

Me- If I take off my mask they will, is it normal feeling nervous whilst meeting your girlfriends parents for the first time?

Babe- I'll tell you when I meet your mom and Jared, you already met my dad, come on or I'm dragging you in.

I lock my screen, take a deep breath and exit my car. I fix my hair and walk to the front door, again i inhale and ring the door bell, If my clutch was alive i would've killed it because of how much I'm squeezing it. The door opens and I'm greeted by brown eyes, her brother. Even if I was Gay, he was still extremely handsome.

"You must be Iris." he says grinning at me and putting his hand out for me to shake. He was wearing a crisp, white button up, tucked in with tux pants.

"Uhmm, Hi" I say and shake his hand, nice and cool Iris.

"I'm Trystan," he says pulling me in. I walk in and I feel arms wrapped around my thighs, I look down and it was her little brother. I smile a nervous smile.

"Hi," I say hugging him back. Adorable.

"Tim, come on man stand up straight," said Trystan, his dad walks into the hallway with a blank expression.

I put my hand out for him and he shakes it, Trystan looks at me and smiles. I look at them and I wonder what it feels like to have a father and a brother, well two, who don't have a due date for death. I heard heels on the steps and I look up hoping it would be Roxy. But it was her sister, wearing hears that were obviously not hers. She had bright red lipstick and she was on her phone. I wanted to tell her to focus on one thing at a time, she doesn't seem like she knows how to walk in heels. Roxy's Dad coughs and she looks up and looks at us, she flicks her bang out of her face and smiles an ,I hate you already, smile. I smile back.


"Hey," i reply.

"Let's go into the dining room!" says Roxy's dad obviously sensing the awkwardness in the air.

We walk to their big ass dining room, the house smells like delicious cooking. I look at the table, they had chicken and pees and rice and other stuff I wasn't too familiar with. Where is Roxy? i heard two other heels behind me and I turn around. 

"Iris dear!" her mom says pulling me into her embrace, "Roxy tells me a lot about you."

I laugh and awkward laugh and pull out of her embrace. Roxy hugs me before I even see her, I wrap my arms around her waist and smell her hair, strawberries. We pull out of the hug before it gets too intimate. Her mom seats us. I sit next to Trystan on one side, Tim, Jasmine and Roxy sit on the other. Roxy sits in front of me, when we sit her mother fills my plate with too much food and they all then scoop food in their plates.

"So Iris, what does your dad work?" I flinch and look up at her dad. Roxy does the same.

"My dad owns half of the hotels on the west coast, sir" I say and smile at him having a small bite of the chicken.

"How are you in school dear?" Her mother asks.

"She's an honor student mom." I hear Roxy say and her mother is shocked.

"Really?" she exclaims and I laugh and nod, thank goodness I'm not lying.

"That's impressive," Trystan says smiling at me, I smile back and we eat in silence.

While i was having a bite from the vegetables in my plate, I look up my plate and find Roxy's eyes. She grins a devious smile at me, and I feel her foot on my leg. I bite my lip and shake my head, she smiles and shrugs. When we are done, Roxy and her mother collect the plates, I try to help but her mother tells me not to tire myself. They lead me into the living room, I walk next to the piano and push a key with my finger.

"Can you play?" I hear someone behind me, Trystan. He's observing me from the door.

"No, I used to when I was younger," I say and put my elbow on the piano's extension.

"Why'd you stop?" he asks sitting on the seat in front of the piano. He starts playing something by Bach.

"My mother thought it was a waste of time," I say and watch his finger.

"Give me your hands," he said, I gave him a questioning look. "i want to see if you have pianist fingers."

I gave him my hand and he admires it, talk about awkward.

"Pianist fingers."

"Correction, guitarist fingers." we heard Roxy from the door, she looked annoyed. Her mother walked in behind her and she sat next to her husband.

"Roxy play us something." she says and Trystan stands up. She sits and i sit next to her, i knew she was a musician but i didn't know she played the piano. I look into her eyes and she starts to play, something in her eyes click and it feels like she's in her own universe. She bit her lip at some moments, her back was straight and her eyes flew over the keys. She made me want to play, and kiss her. So this was Roxy at home, obedient, under pressure and obviously not happy, no matter how good her family was, i could see it in her eyes while she was playing. She is defiantly not happy at all right now, in her house.


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