Hurt.

“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.

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7. Six

SIX

 

I woke up earlier than usual and got dressed in the most appropriate outfit I had for school and a day in the mall, ripped shorts, a grey basic, a checkered button down opened, burgundy beanie and white converse. I had my hair curled under the beanie with very light make up. You look ugly, I shake my head and grab my messenger bag. I walked down the hall and knocked the door viciously on my mom’s door, and for the first time, on the fourth knock she walked out, obviously drunk. Her blonde hair was a mess, he bright blue eyes had black circles underneath them, and her lean,  long body was wearing a silk robe. You’re going to be just like her. No!

Loads of people said I looked like my mother when she was actually trying to look decent. She was once a model, a gorgeous model. But then she met my asshole for a dad and got pregnant with me and she lost her job. Then after they had me they got married and got my younger brother Jared, after two years he left. We woke up and everything he owned and he was gone. Disappeared .  I never seen him since I was four, though he did send me a Christmas card on my fifth birthday, which I burned. My mother now works as a porn star. Yes a porn star. One of the main reasons I’m scared out of my mind of being just like her. We may look similar but we are two worlds apart.

“I heard you the first knock.” She groaned pulling a cigarette out of a packet.

“Aha, well get up.” I say and walk to Jared’s room. I knocked twice and heard him yell.

“GO AWAY!”

I walked away, Jared is homeschooled because the doctors diagnosed him with brain cancer, he never comes out of him room. I barely ever see him. I love him of course but I don’t know him anymore, all I know is he only has 2 years left and I try, I try so hard to see if he’s alright. I wish we were closer. But you’re not.

I then walked out and jumped into my car. I looked around, it’s clean thank god. I drove out of the garage and drove down the road to pick Roxy up. I thought I was going to spend some time waiting outside for her but I was wrong, she was waiting on the porch. She was wearing platform shoes, leather red leggings, a white button down with a black crop top on top and a black leather jacket on top. Damn.

Hey!” she says getting into the car.

“Hey.” I say and smile at her.

“You are a life saver,” she says and we both laugh.

“Why?” I ask and smile with both of my hands on the steering wheel.

“Because my dad was going to take me to school which would be extremely embarrassing. Plus, you’re taking me to the mall,” she says sounding excited.

“Well then let’s get school over with,” I say pulling out of the driver’s seat.

“You look hot today by the way” she says placing a hand on my knee, and I flush. All the colors in my face flush. But I manage to smile and breathe.

“Thank you, you too” I smile at her.

We drive to school and it passes by very quick. We laughed a lot a lot, and what I learned is when badass Roxy with me, I felt safe, and confident, and I liked that, I liked her being close to me. But I still felt scared and replaceable. I feel like this is too good to be true, I can’t look her in the eyes while I’m talking because I think I like her, I feel  good when I’m close to her. And the voices in my head shut up when I’m near her. How can I explain this to her without sounding like a crazy person? Simple, you don’t.

After school we drove into town and went to the mall. We walked into a few shops but nothing was exactly wow enough to buy, we then walked into Target and Roxy found a shirt with a lion printed on it and she really liked it so she decided to try it on. She also picked out some leather shorts for me to try on. I couldn’t say no because I liked them. Roxy walked into the fitting rooms, I didn’t need to try them on because they were already my size and I was sure of it. So I just stood outside and waited.

“Iris, come check this out.” She said and I slipped into her fitting room.

She rocked that shirt, I was sure I couldn’t but she worked it.

“I like it,” I smile and watch her strike poses in front of the mirror. Perfection.

“Come on try those shorts on! I want to see them on your legs!” she whines and I couldn’t say no. I wanted to walk out but she told me to try them in front of her. And so I did.

As I was pulling them up I felt her hands on my shoulders as she pushed me on the mirror. Adrenaline kicked in as she pulled me closer to her body and kissed me. Everything on my mind froze. I didn’t kiss back for a millisecond because I was so shocked, but then I kissed back. We stood there in the fitting room, our body’s so close and our tongues dancing, her lips were as soft as I expected, her arms were wrapped around my waist and my hands were on her neck, I didn’t want to stop. I don’t want to stop. But she pulled back.

“You should deffo get those shorts,” was all she said.

 

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