“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.


2. One



“Iris?” I hear someone interrupting my breakdown, Busted.

“Matthew!” I squeak, pushing my hair out of my face, and seizing the opportunity to wipe my tears.

“What was that?” he asks obviously shocked.

“Just practicing for the school play,” Liar. I force a smile on my face, I hope he buys it. He won’t. Matthew has known me for four years, there had been a time when he was my savior, was. But I felt too vulnerable and too exposed so I stopped telling him. You mean you made him believe you were getting better. Yes, I meant that, I was scared I would give someone the remote that controls me, Paranoid. I shake my head and stand up.

“Well you had me believing something was wrong, by the way what play?” He asks grinning, Busted.

“Uh, it’s for the book club, we’re reading Romeo and Juliet and we each are going to reenact our favorite parts”, Nice save.

“Oh, well do you want to go for a walk? I need to take my mind off of things” He says, what things?

“Yeah, just let me change quick” I say walking to the closet.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you downstairs” he says closing the door behind him.

I breathe out and bang my head on the closet’s door, “Romeo and Juliet?! Stupid!” I smack the ball of my hands on my forehead, stupid, stupid, stupid! I pull out a pair of black leggings, with a grey jumper and grey uggs. I put my hair up in a messy bun, and tried to avoid the mirror. I held the hem on my sleeves with my fingers. They’re going to notice, I’ll just say I’m cold, that seems to always work. I grab my phone and walk downstairs listening to the faint sounds of my brother’s video games.

“Mom, Mat and I are going for a walk in the park across the street,” I yell and slam the front door behind me.

I see Mat waiting next to his car and I clutch my sleeves tighter, He’s not the idiot in this equation, I shake my head and force another smile on my face. I hope he believes me.

“Ready?” he asks and offers his arm, I feel my nails rip the wool of the sleeve as I clutch harder and take his arm. Grip tighter.

“So what’s up Matty?” I ask as we cross the street.

“Oh God,” he starts with a heavy sigh, “you know how Jane and I have been a couple for a while now?” I nod and stare at our feet as we enter the park, ”well I’m not sure I love her with all my heart, it’s so weird, no matter how I try half of my heart is always with her and the other is, I think it’s with Spencer. Before you ask, yes my ex Spencer” he sighs again, “What do you think?”

I think that's stupid.“You know my thoughts on Love Mat” I say biting the inside of my mouth.

“I know, you believe it’s only for a period of time, blah blah” he says imitating me, I laugh and punch his arm. Make him believe you're fine, damn Liar.

“Love is only a period of time, it’s a dedication, not emotion. And when you hang out with a person you find kind of attractive, you start getting used to them, they become somewhat of a habit, a routine.  That’s when you say you love each other, but really you don’t. Then you feel the need to change and you get bored of the other person and Finally you realize you’re bored of them and that’s when the problems start to happen. However, there is such a thing called romance. That I do believe in.” I was spilling my heart out with this, I have to make a point. I can’t be the only one who believes this, can I? Nobody has the same stupid thoughts.

“Romance? Wow I would love to know your thoughts about that, please enlighten me.” He says as we sit on the bench.

“well romance to me is when you have a long ass table and you each sit on one side and have a candle right in the middle. Romance is when you kiss under the stars in an empty field, it’s when he holds your hand while you drive. The sneaky hugs from behind, and just the way he looks at you. Every girl is a fool for romance,” I say and bite my lower lip to hide me grin. Bitch can feel. I shake my head to push the thought out.

“That I believe, so you believe in the power of attraction, not the power of love?” he asks.

“Yep, just attraction, not emotion.”

“Almost all girls are suckers for love, but you’re one of the lucky few who isn’t.”

“Lucky?” I cock my head to the side and raise my eye brow. More like cursed.

“Love leads to heartbreak, heartbreak hurts a whole lot worse than a bullet to the head.”


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