Hurt.

“I’m sorry, but I never actually believed in love”

Our Insecurities get the best of us.
Our fears limit us.
Our obsessions Outcast us.

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6. Five

FIVE

 

 

This is not who I am, is it?

Well if it’s messed up then yeah, it can be you.

You think?

I know, you’re just stupid. You can’t disagree, can you?

No, you’re right, I am.

See, now you deserve to cut, go on, do it.

I held the blade between my index finger and thumb, slowly drawing lines on my wrist. That’s not deep enough. I pushed it into my skin and drew faster, the blood gushed out and I start to feel more satisfied. But it didn’t stop there. I drew over my old scars, over the old scarlet, crusty scars. However, my arms were numb, I can’t feel anything. That’s enough.

“No I want more, I need more!” I plead.

You don’t deserve it, you are wrong. Being attracted to girls is wrong! Say you are not attracted to girls.

“I’m not attracted to girls.” I whisper desperately.

Very good, go on. Cut.

I start drawing on my hip bone, drawing flowers, butterflies, rainbows and hearts, then I slowly watch as the red fluid starts to fill in. Enough.

I walk into my bathroom and fill in my bathtub with boiling hot water. I sit there for a while, it’s quiet. Too quiet.

“Hello?”

More silence.

“Hello?!” I say louder. Nothing.

I dip into the boiling water and automatically feel it burning my skin and into my scars. I crunch my eyebrows and slowly settle into the water.  The red dyes the water and it turns to pink, I can’t feel anything. Stop! I smile a satisfactory smile and hold my breath then push myself into the water. My head started to feel light, white spots appear into my vision slowly.

“Iris? Hey, yeah I was wondering if you could call me as soon as possible, oh and it’s Roxy.” I pull my head out and inhale desperately. I ran out of the bathroom and attacked my phone.

“Roxy! Hey! I’m glad you called, sorry I was reading.”

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