it's not that easy

Ailene moves from Ireland to England because of her father's job. In the beginning she scared and lonely, and if that's not bad enough she's also bullied for bien 'different'. What does it take to give Ailene's happy life back?


7. keep going

I didn't sleep much at night. I spend the night thinking about my life, what I would be doing if we didn't move. Sometimes it depresses me, sometimes it gaves me the chanche to think about my possibilities right here. But one thing was sure, as soon as my fathers job is done here, I will go with him, back to Ireland. Also my father misses home, he just tries to hide it, he wants to stay strong. 


School goes his way. I try to ignore people's reactions, I just try to go trough it. When I need someone to talk with I can talk to Macy, but that will never be the same as talking to Alana, when I need to hear an Irish voice, she's the one I call. In class I'm just quiet, try to talk as less as possible. That way, people make less fun of me. At the lockers I just get my stuff as fast as I can an walk to my next class. The only class I like is music, every week there is a chanche to show them a part of me, When I'm in the auditory Greg is the only one who is actually nice to me, but that's only in the auditory, as soon as he leaves that place he turns a dick that only cares about his image. And it hurts, it's like I'm a toy for him, he decides when he's nice to me. Is image, is that a reason to treat me like shit? When I'm in class I dream about laying in the long crass, staring at the sky, discussing many many dreams with Alana. Or we sit in the field with a guitar, playing and singing our favorite songs. After my mom died that was the thing that made me happy again, the simple things in life. I knew when I felt bad there was always someone who could change my mood to happy again. We could play in the woods for hours, there was so much plays, so less buildings and streets. Yes I had the time of my life. But there is always one thing that causes a hole in my heart: my mom.


'Are you paying attention Ailene?' Miss reet asks as like always, I was dreaming away during the lesson. I saw everyone was writing something down that was written on the blackboard. 'Sorry.' I muttered and grabbed a pen to quickly write it down. It was wednesday and everyone wanted to leave fast to enjoy the rest of the day, I wanted to leave this place to, as soon as possible. But because I was in a hurry, rhey took adventrage of that. When I hurried trough the hallway one of Greg's friends tackled me, causing me to fall and my books to scatter around. This wasn't the first time it happened. People laughed and the only thing I could do was grab my stuff and leave in shame.


'Why are you so down?' Greg askes as I wasn't really joining the lesson. I sighed. 'No reason.' The others were singing or playing an instrument. I couldn't concentrate. 'You can tell me.' I rolled my eyes, something I learned to do because I saw a lot of people doing that. 'Why would I tell you? So you can use it against me as soon as you leave the auditory, not thanks, my image is destroyed enough.' 'I told you why-' 'don't tell me you have to, your just a dog, following your friends because of your image. Did you ever thought about how I feel? there are not many people that like me, actually so much people here hate me, just because I'm from another country. And I thought you were different but you just like everyone els. When you're here your friendly, but when you're out htere you,treath me like shit, like I have no feelings at all! You play with my feelings, treath me like I deserve when you want to. How do you think I feel?' I stood up and ran away, pushed open the door and ran straigt to the toilets and locked myself in a stal. And I just let the tears flow. When will they finally understand that I just want to be eccepted, I want nothing els, I just want earn respect from others.


I just want to be accepted.


When I looked at my phone I realised I had been sitting here for an hour. I wiped away my tears and washed my face at the sink. It was time to go home. Almost everyone els already left. When I walked trough the hallway I heard Siënna talking and looking at Greg. It made me realise Siënna really liked Greg, but who doesn't? All the girls throw themself in front of his feet. Siënna was not exeption, she wanted a great catch, that was exactly what she said. She wanted to use Greg to get popular. Normally I would feel bad for him but for now I didn't care. I just got my stuff and went home.


A week before I need to sing a whole song on stage. Wich song to pick? there were so much songs I liked, so many songs that really meant something for me. 

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