Police Vs Nitwits

This is something I wrote last year for a school project with a few changes :) I'll enter it in the journalist comp even though I'm not quite sure if it's what they mean :)


1. Police Vs Nitwits

  From the gullible to the utterly ridiculous, criminals have made some rather stupid mistakes in their time. There have been stories reported, such as one of a 26-year-old women, who had decided to use a stolen ID to buy a drink in a bar. I suppose it could have worked out great, apart from the fact it just happened to be the waitresses ID. For someone who isn't even underage, that's fairly stupid!

  There was once this motorist, who was caught on camera for speeding, and was sent a picture of his car along with a fine demanding $40. Rather than paying, he sent back an image of $40, so the police replied with another picture, of handcuffs...

  Now, this story is one of those what-in-the-name-of-god-was-this-guy-thinking type stories. Christopher Jansen, was on trial for possession drugs, and his argument was, that the police searched him without a warrant. The judge informed him that they didn't need a warrant, because a bulge in his jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, he said, and as he happened to be wearing the same jacket that day, he gave it to the judge so he could see it. Shame he forget about the packet of cocaine in the pocket!

  Another man in court was accused of an armed robbery in a store. He was doing great, that is until the store manager accused him of the crime. Then, being the idiot he is, he jumped up, accused the women of lying and shouted, "I should have blown your head off!", then he paused and quickly added, "If I'd been there." Poor guy spent 30 years in prison.

  Now, as you all know, after committing a crime, it isn't very smart to hover around the police. Well, this 21-year-old didn't really understand that. He went up to some police officers, showing squad car equipment to children, and he asked how it worked. They asked him for ID and he gave them his drivers license. They entered it in, and then immediately arrested him, after his file claimed he was wanted for an armed robbery. Talk about stupidity!

  And of course there are always the burglars, such as Fred Williams, who fall asleep in the house they are robbing. Smart guy or what?

  There was once another very intelligent criminal who, after walking into a store, and demanding all the money from the cashier, asked for the bottle of scotch behind the counter. The clerk refused, stating he didn't believe he was over 21. The robber gave him his driving license as proof, and after examining it, he gave him the scotch. After the robber left, the clerk gave the police the name and address of the thief he had gotten from the driving license.

  Now, there was another who went to great lengths not to be identified in a robbery, wearing a ski mask and even using a rented car. Unfortunately, he also wore his work uniform, which had his name and where he worked written on it. Oops!

  Now that you've made up your mind not to grow up to be a dumb criminal, you should probably add dumb policeman to that list. There were policemen who spent two hours trying to subdue a gunman who had locked himself in his house. After firing ten gas canisters, it occurred to the officers that the man had been standing next to them all along. #awkward

  If you are worried about turning out like one of these idiots, here are a few simple tips to live by.

Tip 1 Burglars: NEVER keep a diary (believe me, it never works out well). While robbing, DO NOT wear your work uniform if it has your name and/or work place written on it. And most importantly of all, NEVER FALL ASLEEP!!!


Tip 2 Armed Robbers: Okay, so now you've stepped it up a little, you should probably pay more attention to what I'm writing. As your probably fairly new with weapons, I'll give you a brief explanation on them. They can be very dangerous, especially guns. Knifes can be quite painful as well. The golden rule of weapon carrying is to NEVER EVER point them at yourself. If you do that the consequences can be deadly. And one final thing about armed robberies, always act tough.


  Now I'm afraid that's all, but if you have some handy tips, write it in a comment and I'll post it here ;)






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