A Secret is Meant to be Kept

When Ron lashes out at Hermione and gets them into a sticky situation, Hermione transports herself back in time. But the Marauders Era was a bit farther than she expected. She must figure out how to reverse the spell, deal with falling in love all over again and fight against some of the most notorious Death Eaters, who are inside the castle's walls. Not as intruders, but as classmates.

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19. Let Go

“Goodbye,” Hermione said in a sing-songy voice.

“Come on, Hermione!  I didn’t mean it, I was just so caught up in everything and everyone and I apologized,” Lily pleaded with her.

After the events at the gala, Lily went home with her parents as scheduled, and none of the others spoke to her for the remains of their leave from Hogwarts.  Lily had made numerous attempts to apologize to James, Hermione, and Sirius, as well as attempt to persuade Remus to win them over for her.  They had all successfully gone about ignoring her and excluding her from their daily activities, Hermione especially.  Despite having to share a room with Lily, she managed to completely avoid the redhead.  It was only after a Potions exam when Hermione was walking about the grounds after an exam that Lily approached her.

“Drop the act and go talk to Severus, you’re beginning to sound like him.”

“Hear me out, at least?” she cried.

“I’d rather share a dormitory with Bellatrix for a term, I am not letting this go.”

***

Staying true to her word, Hermione had not let the situation settle.  She sent away every owl she or the boys received from Lily.  Trying to distract herself from the sickening kindness of Lily’s heart, Hermione threw herself into her work once again.  Many summer nights she became frustrated as the horror dawned on her once again that she may never make it back home.  Her nights were also spent alone, as she began to refuse Sirius’ company; he just didn’t understand her.  Sirius soon began to appreciate the moments when Hermione would simply allow him to sit with her quietly as she frantically read.  Whenever she finally left her room, a dejected look was etched upon her face, recreating the recurring worry they all felt for the poor girl when she first arrived at the Potter Manor.  

Each Marauder made their way in and out of the manor at times, spending random days with the Potters, but Hermione certainly had no interest in keeping count.  Peter had the good sense to no longer step into her personal area, and James came to talk with Hermione in the mornings, before she had the time to busy herself with her work, often bringing her the first meal to set her up for a long day of what they all thought to be the classic “bookworm Hermione reading”.  This thought certainly did not account for the nightmares Hermione had been having.  In the dead of night, she would wake up screaming, sometimes feeling sharp pain all over her body, leaving her rather out of it for the entire next day.  

Harry!  Ron!

This was the most common thing she was found screaming when she awoke from her nightmares.  At first, Remus would bound through her door, alert as ever, prepared to fight off something that could potentially be harmful to Hermione, but it never presented itself.  As time went on, he began to wait outside of her door until he could hear her struggling, and he would sit with her while she simply cried, being sure to put silencing charms on her room before she fell asleep as not to alert any others in the house.  The nights when Remus was “home” were the most difficult, and Hermione’s conscious self could not be comforted by the fact that he was going through much more than she.  She was in another body and it finally became real to her.  But, the days when Remus stayed with the Potters, Hermione periodically began finding books left on her nightstand in the morning, always on the appropriate topic which she had been studying.  When Hermione began to leave her room again, Remus was in her company, bringing up the theory of time dysphoria and others that let Hermione into the world of his own conclusions.

***

As many would guess, this didn’t simply stop at their return to Hogwarts.  Hermione’s fourth year was filled with nights in Madam Pomfrey’s care, days in McGonagall’s office after breakdowns in between classes, and meetings with Dumbledore after the headlines in both the muggle papers and The Daily Prophet became increasingly alarming.  Hermione felt herself slipping into a dangerous pattern, now missing out on the lives of her best friend’s family, people she felt at home with, people she needed to know to help give him back that connection when she got home.  But was she ever going home?  The age old question, and as Hermione aged, it worried her more and more.

“I, too, feared that these were not simple coincidences, a shame my intuition was correct,” Dumbledore muttered, gazing at Hermione over his half-moon spectacles.

“A war will threaten to destroy us all, and I fear, Professor, that I am not able to prepare you for it,” Hermione said through labored breaths.

“Perhaps a Calming Draught would be enough to put you at ease for a while?  Surely Professor Slughorn would be happy to prepare a batch for you,” Dumbledore proposed.  Hermione simply nodded her head and looked down.  A Calming Draught would solve the least of her problems.

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