Love and Be loved

What happens when an 18 year old girl gets pregnant, ditched, and hit on again by her boyfriend, then ex-boyfriend? Well, it happened to Refia Snow, and now... She is loved by the one who could ruin both her and her unborn child's lives.

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7. Baby, What???? No Way…

CHAPTER 7

Baby, What???? No Way…

           

I called into the doctor’s office downtown and set up my appointment for this Thursday. Samm was sitting on the bed with me just rubbing my lower back. It felt really good. I turned around and held him. “Will you come with me?” I asked. It was going to be after school because I told them I wouldn’t be able to get a ride during school. I felt him nod. I kissed his bare chest and got up to go make some breakfast. We take turns cooking. I would cook breakfast and dinner one day and him the next. I made his favorite, banana pancakes with maple syrup, bacon, eggs, toast and orange juice. He smiled and I ate my smaller portion next to him. Today was just going to be a chill day. We sat around trying to one-up each other. Finally I gave in and went to take a shower. I came back in my bathrobe with my hair hanging damp down my back. I made sure to tie the robe tight around me. I looked in the mirror and saw a little bump. I was getting fat. I didn’t want him to see me fat.

Samm heard me pad down the hallway and came and sat with me again. He was so sweet… too bad once I turned into a whale he wouldn’t want me anymore. “Hey, what’s wrong baby?” he must have noticed something was up. “Nothing, I said. I moved my arm to my bump. Samm felt it. “What??? Oh you are probably thinking about getting big right? Well I will love you even if you are a mile wide. But you shouldn’t be showing yet, not unless you’re like 5 months…” He fell silent and stared at my stomach. He moved his arm and laid it on me, right next to my own hand. I felt like crying again, part of it good, most of it bad. Good: I could see he fell in love with this child already. Bad: where would the child live? How would we take care of it? What would happen to Samm if he admitted to being with me? I was going to get fat. Oh my god I was going to get fat. The traitorous tears escaped and then I couldn’t stop them. Samm was alarmed. “What happened are you alright? What’s wrong?” I had to laugh at his mini-panic attack. “I’m crying because you love this child like I do. I’m crying because I don’t know how this is going to work, and I’m crying because I don’t want to get fat. I will be hideous and everyone will make fun of me.” I trailed off in horror.

Samm held me and shushed me and kissed me telling me, “Refia, you will never be hideous. You are beautiful and you will be when you are carrying the kid I would love to call my own. If you’re worried about how this kid will get around, if you haven’t noticed, I have an extra bedroom or there’s always your house. I also have a job and if we need too, we can get financial aid. Don’t worry. It will work.” His voice was so soothing I stopped crying. Damn, being bipolar and pregnant was killing me, and I bet Samm thought I was an emotional wreck. “Samm, how do you keep from laughing at my mood swings? I mean they are so much worse because I am pregnantly bipolar. How can I annoy myself but not you?” Samm laughed. “Because your pregnant it’s OK and because your bipolar and you can’t help it. Mood swings look better on you than anyone else.” OK, he is seriously sweet. “Samm, how can you be so sweet to me when I was one of the people that called you weird and a nerd? And how do you stand hearing that daily even though most of the people calling you names quit when you stood up for me?” I was honestly curious. He turned sad looking. “Because I knew that I could fall in love with you, voluntarily or involuntarily and I thought that if I could be sweet to you, you would change and you did. Now every day, I stand it because I know you and Stella and Bentley quit calling me that and because I love you. Most of the time I am really sad, but I don’t show it because I am really more happy than sad. When I turn sad, I think of you waiting patiently to come home with me and how much you love me and how I always wake up next to you. It keeps me happy.” Aw, so I was his rock how sweet.

I smiled sadly at him. “Guess one thing isn’t going to happen this year though.” I said sadly. He looked at me, “What’s that?” “Go to prom.” He chuckled. “Why won’t you be going to prom?” I gave him a look. “Because I will either be the size of a whale or I will have a little baby on my hips and so I won’t be able to go, and plus, I wouldn’t have a date. I mean it’s not like you and I could go together. So even if I wanted to go, I would either be a loser for no date or make you upset with a date.” I finished my rant. He smiled at me. “If you want to go to prom, then go. I will be chaperoning anyways. And you could ask that football player that defended you. I wouldn’t get upset by that. And for the baby, my parents would watch him or her.” I thought about it. “But what if he thinks that I mean something by wanting to go to go to prom with him? I could just go with Stella’s brother, he’s gay so he wouldn’t mind and he loves me like his sister. Then it wouldn’t be that hard.” He smiled at me. “Are you always so thoughtful of other people’s feelings?” he asked. I was so I nodded. All of a sudden his lights in the house went off and it was pitch black, even though it was the middle of the day. I screamed. Samm held me and shushed me. “It’s probably a power outage, it happens all the time.” I had a problem with the dark; that was how my dad first raped me, he came in in the middle of the night and put tape around my mouth and raped me.

I felt Samm move away from me and he fumbled around. While he did that I pulled my legs up to me and huddled into myself. Samm found a flashlight, turned it on and was facing the power box. He did something I didn’t see and the power came on. He turned around and saw me paralyzed on the couch not moving and came over to me. “Refia, are you all right? It was just a power outage.” I was still frozen. He knelt in front of me and pulled my arms from my legs. “Refia, what caused you to react like that?” I finally unthawed with his touch. “My dad…” I whispered. “That was how it first happened was in the dark in the middle of the night. I usually have lights on when I fall asleep, unless someone was in my room with me. That’s why you haven’t seen this before. You have always fallen asleep with me since I moved in, so I didn’t need a light.” I finally started to move again and I got up and went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Actually I needed something stronger, but didn’t want him to know I was a drinker. “Would it make you feel better if we called Stella over here?” Samm asked. I nodded, but then shook my head, she would be with Bentley and we couldn’t let him know we were together. I decided to call her anyways.

            Stella was there in 15 minutes and she had Bentley with her. I quickly dropped Samm’s hand and he laughed. “Please, I knew before Stella did. I’m a guy, and one with feelings at that. I could see the way you two were looking at each other.” I smiled and grabbed his hand again. I was still terrified that the lights would go out again. Stella saw. She came over to me and grabbed me by my shoulders. “What happened?” She was looking at me but I think the question was directed to Samm. “The lights went off and it was really dark. I didn’t know she was so scared. My house does that a lot.” Great, my fear of the dark was now a joke between everybody.             “Hey, Reffy look at me. Look at me, Reffy!” Stella grabbed my face and held it so I was looking straight into her eyes. “No one thinks it’s weird. Remember, I was afraid of the dark until I met Bentley. It is just something that happened. You have an excuse to be afraid.” I took a deep breath and nodded. “Hey, Stell, I am going to the doctor this Thursday. I will go see what the sex is of this thing.” I looked down at my stomach that, I might have been crazy, but it seemed to be getting bigger as I stared at it. Stella squealed. “I’m going to be an aunt! Oh my God, I can’t believe I am going to be an aunt at 18! Have you thought of any names?” she was bouncing with excitement. I thought of a few… girl names though. “Erm, yeah.” I muttered. Stella raised an eyebrow; we promised 3 years ago that whoever got pregnant first and got names would share with the other. “Well, they are only girls’ names. I haven’t even thought for if it’s a boy. One is Hailey Brooklyn, Tracy Reign, or Nikki Stella.” I looked at her when I said the last one. I knew I would name a daughter Nikki. Stella was staring at me with a monkey grin on her face and tears in her eyes. “You would name a daughter after me?” she whispered. I nodded and she hugged me so tight I am sure I turned purple. I punched her lightly on the arm and she pulled away.

“I’m sorry, but that is so sweet. What about if it’s a boy?” I shook my head; I didn’t know. Samm spoke up. “Well, I was thinking too. There was Riley Hunter, Jason Dyllan, and Reygan Tyler. I just thought they would be cute. And plus, my best friends who got killed were named Tyler, Reygan, and Dyllan.” I didn’t know that. I heard him talk about his friends but he never told me that they got killed. I went and hugged him because his eyes were a little misty. I saw Stella and Bentley staring at me and I felt self-conscious. “What?” I asked. Stella shook her head. “You guys are just really cute together. You guys will make a great family. Oh and Mr. Taylor, I am really sorry about calling you a nerd and everything. You really aren’t now that I know you.” She and Bentley both looked embarrassed and very sorry. “It’s OK you guys. And please, outside of school, you can call me Samm.” They nodded and told me they had to go. I hugged them both and they left, leaving me and Samm alone. “That went better than expected.” Samm whispered. I agreed. Suddenly, I felt like throwing up again and bolted to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth. “Refia?” Samm called, worried. I was already on the floor throwing up my breakfast. Samm was behind me holding my hair and massaging my back. I started crying; every time I got sick, it was really bad. “It’s OK. You’re OK baby, it’s alright. Shh.” He cooed to me. I honestly didn’t deserve him. I got up and brushed my teeth and felt like I was going to pass out. Samm came with me, and before I fell asleep, the last thing I registered was him holding me and wrapping me in his arms.

 

**

All week all I could think of was Thursday. I was ready to find out what my baby was. And this weekend, we were going back to his parents’ house and Samm was going to teach me how to drive. School on Thursday was really slow, and when it was over I had to wait to be able to leave with Samm. We drove an hour across town to the hospital where I was to get to meet my baby. I walked up to the receptionist and gave her my name. We went and sat down and when my name was called, I got really nervous. The doctor was a man and he was pretty good looking. After I got changed, the doctor came back in and put the gel on my stomach. After a little while, he showed me the sonogram and told me I was having a baby girl. He went to go print off the pictures and I changed and Samm held me and I started blubbering. “It’s a girl. It’s a baby girl. Samm, we’re having a baby girl!” I was so happy. The doctor came back in and gave me my pictures and we left. In the car, I called Stella and she screamed. “OH MY GOD YOU’RE HAVING A GIRL! I WANT TO GO SHOPPING WITH YOU!” I laughed and told her sure just as long as she didn’t deafen me. We were going to wait to tell Sylvia and Richard about the baby until we went down to see them. That night, when I was cuddling with Samm, right before his soft snores started, I felt him wrap his arm around me and rest on my stomach, cradling it.

Friday morning, I was up and Samm was cooking. I got dressed in my gold shirt and gold eyeliner. Instead of my black shoes, I put on matching gold heels that made me 4 inches taller. I walked to the kitchen and Samm looked up at my clacking. “You look amazing Refia. I might have a problem keeping my eyes off you today. Make sure you don’t fall and hurt little Nikki.” I didn’t even say I wanted to name this one Nikki, but it sounded so right. Just then a horn honked and I knew it would be Stella. I kissed Samm, grabbed my purse and my phone and left. The seniors voted and the prom was being held in November. Since that was a month away and I will be 6 months pregnant, we were just going to go shopping for her dress and closer to, mine. We were going shopping today, so we were both dressed up. Today we were almost matching. I was wearing gold, she was wearing silver. We made to do this because we both planned on bringing back metallic. She kissed my cheek. She was ready to go shopping for her dress; she had been planning this day for 7 years. Pulling into the school parking lot, some guy came up to me. It was the football player who beat up Brecken (who got expelled because of all the fighting.)  “Hey Reffy.” He was overconfident and cocky… not my type. “So how about I take you out tonight? Great, I’ll pick you up at 5.” He turned to walk away without even getting an answer from me. I grabbed his arm. “Um, excuse me, but I don’t even know you. I don’t go for cocky sports guys and I didn’t say I wanted to, which, by the way, I don’t want to go out with you.” I turned around and walked away.

“Dude, Denver Williams just asked you out and you turned him down! You are so going to be on the Hit List. Say goodbye to whatever popularity you had because your social status just went WHOOSH! Down the drain.” Stella breathed out in a hurry. I didn’t care. “Hey, do you think Aiden would take me to prom so I don’t look like the loser girl who doesn’t have a date?” I changed the subject. She shrugged and pointed at the hall at him; “Why don’t you go ask him? I’m sure he’d take you as a friend.” We walked towards Aiden and his boyfriend Trevor. “Hey Aiden, hey Trevor. I know this is kind of a weird, but Aiden, would you like to go to prom with me as a friend? I’ll even double with Trevor.” I laughed, he knew I was kidding about that last part. Aiden thought about it. “You’ll be fine if I am with Trevor?” I nodded. “Then, if he’s fine with it, I will go as friends with you.” He looked at Trevor, and Trevor grabbed his hand and nodded.

The bell rang just then, and so I turned away and went to Samm’s room. I sat in the front seat with Stella and Bentley on the other side. I now recognized who was on the other side of Bentley. I recognized her because she looked exactly like that girl, Sarah. I leaned over and asked her if she knew a Sarah, and she said, “Yeah, Sarah is my sister. Why?” I just said no reason. All of a sudden, during Samm’s morning announcements, I knew I was going to be sick. I got up and looked at Stella. She jumped up with me and started pushing me towards the door. “Ms. Snow, Ms. Windle, may I ask where you’re going?” Samm spoke up. I turned and looked at him and had my hand covering my mouth. “She is going to be sick.” Stella said. We turned and nearly ran for the nearest bathroom, which was hard in heels. Once in a stall, I didn’t have time to shut the door, and just threw up in the toilet which was really gross because I had to stick my head near it and it smelled. I stood up and brushed my teeth. I know what person brings a toothbrush and toothpaste to school? The pregnant kind of person. “Man, Nikki, this morning sickness is killing me. And it isn’t even morning!” I told my little baby.

We walked into class again, and I bent my head. It’s totally embarrassing to have to go throw up and then have everybody looking at you. I walked to my seat and sat down. Samm asked me, “Are you alright?” I nodded. Besides the whole I-have-to-throw-up-and-then-walk-into-class embarrassing thing, I was. This was proof that little Nikki is still alive. Class ended and I decided I could suffer through the rest of the day. Samm was staring at me, so me and Stella stayed after and he walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Are you sure you’re OK Refia? Do you need to go to the nurse or anything?” I looked into his eyes and saw the concern he had. “I’m fine, it was just la…” I broke off.

 

I was facing the door and the door opened and there was a teacher there along with the principal. “Mr. Taylor, what are you doing with that student?” Principal Lay demanded. He immediately took his hands off of me. “I…I..” he stuttered. He didn’t get very far. “Ms. Snow, Mr. Taylor, you will both come to my office NOW.” She looked mad. Stella was gone. We walked far apart from each other. When we got into her office, she shut the door and locked it. “Explain.” She said, but the weird thing was, her tone was softer. I started to talk before Samm could.  “Principal Lay, it’s my fault. When Brecken broke up with me the day I found out I was pregnant, I called Mr. Taylor. He had given me his number for if I needed help when I was tutoring the French kids who came there. I guess I started to get a crush on him. Today I felt sick and went to the bathroom and when I came back, he remembered that I was pregnant. It’s my fault, not his he shouldn’t get into trouble.”      She looked at me softly. “Ms. Snow, you are one of my favorite students. I am sorry but I am going to have to expel you. And as for you Mr. Taylor, have you had a relationship with her?” He shook his head, “She’s been staying with me since her parents got arrested, and so I was like her guardian.” Principal Lay nodded. “Then, Mr. Taylor, you may stay. I know you are a student favorite, since you stood up for her. I will not report this. And Ms. Snow, you can finish your degree online, with the online classes.” And she gave me a website the school accepted. I thought of something just now. “Principal Lay, does that mean I can’t go to prom? I already had who I was going with ready and everything.” She told me that I am allowed to go to prom and if I passed my online courses, I would be able to walk with the rest of the online kids, there was a bunch.

I was allowed to finish my classes today, but I couldn’t come back. I went to my second period and gave my teacher the note and she said fine and I went and sat by Stella. I scribbled down on my paper, where were you? I got busted by Lay. Now I am expelled, only allowed to stay today. I have to take my classes online now. Her face paled. I am so sorry you got caught. I saw them coming down the hall and stop to talk to Ms. Montgomery and left so I wouldn’t get in trouble. Are you allowed to go to prom? Graduation? Is Samm in trouble? She questioned. I am allowed to go to prom and if I finish my schooling online, I can graduate with the rest that are doing online instead of regular classes. No he didn’t get into trouble. Did you know he was a student favorite? She nodded and wadded up the paper. The rest of the day was the same as second period, and by the time I was back in homeroom, everyone was whispering. “Yeah, I heard she got in really big trouble for something.”

Everyone knew I got expelled, they just didn’t know why. Bentley looked at me and apologized with his eyes. The school day ended, but I had to either get a ride from Stella or walk, since Samm had to give people detention. He didn’t talk to me through the whole class. I wasn’t up for company, and Samm and I didn’t live very far from here, so I decided to walk. Walking out of the parking lot, I saw Stella start after me. I shook my head telling her I wasn’t up for company. She nodded her head. I was a mile down the road before someone pulled up right beside me. “Hey, Reffy, are you OK?” it was Denver, the football player who wanted to go out with me. “Yeah, I’m fine, just didn’t want a ride home.” I said. I was almost there, so why would I need a ride? I kept moving and he kept his huge truck crawling next to me. “Seriously, Denver, I’m fine. I don’t want a ride. Could you just leave?” I asked. Today kind of was annoying and I wanted time to think to myself before Samm could come home. He nodded and drove faster, pulling into someone’s driveway and turned around, waving at me as he passed. I waved back halfheartedly and made it home quickly.

I went and took a shower. Hot water sprayed down on me and I felt my mind clear and the tears fall. I couldn’t go back to school. I had to be even more different now and take my classes online. Stepping out of the shower, I jumped a mile in the air. Samm was standing right there in the bathroom with me. “Why didn’t you wait for me? I would have been more than happy for you to wait in the classroom with me.” I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself to walk across the hall; it was a habit from when I was with my parents. “Well, you didn’t talk to me during last homeroom, so I just figured I would give you some time to think about whatever you needed to think of.” I spoke quickly. Samm took my hand. “Refia, I thought you needed time to think about getting expelled. I was letting you have some quiet time. I thought I upset you and that you were thinking about not wanting to be with me anymore. I never want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. I need you to know that. I love you so much Refia, and I can never lose you. I think… I think if I lose you… I think that a huge part of me would die.” He was so cute and sweet and I know he would be an amazing father.

Oh no. “Samm, move!” I yelled while pushing him away. I ran to the bathroom, in the process I lost my towel. For the second time that day, I threw up everything in my stomach. It was so much worse than earlier this morning. I stood up and was going to flush the toilet. When I looked down, I was scared. “Samm?” I cried. He was already there behind me. “Yes, Refia?” I couldn’t talk. “Refia?” I pointed into the toilet and said, “There’s blood.”

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