Looking For Now[l.h]

in which a lost boy tries to fix a broken girl.


3. Safe Haven Recovery Center


"Cora?" Elias's drowsy voice fills my ears from the other end of the phone. I smile to myself knowing that soon I'll hear that voice in person on a regular basis. Soon I'll be going to the same school as him, it'll be perfect just as I planned.

"I have news," I squeal and bite my tongue so I don't blurt it out right then.

"Good news?" He asks cautiously.

"No," I lie.

"Is everything okay?" The sleep leaves his voice and he sounds deeply concerned.

"Not good news. Great news! I got accepted to Chapel Hill," I giggle excitedly as I wait for his response.

"What? That's great! It's perfect! You'll love it here Cora I promise, and we'll finally be together," I can imagine him smiling on the other line, and soon I'm smiling like a fool too.

"I know, I can't wait either. You're coming to my graduation right?"

"Of course, love, I wouldn't miss it for the world," butterflies swarm in my stomach as he uses the pet name I've grown so used to hearing, but it still warms my heart.

"Thanks, well I just heard my mom come in, I better go tell her the news,"

"Okay, I'm so proud of you. Talk to you later, I love you," those three little words are enough to make me want to drop everything and drive to go see him right now. But I have school tomorrow and I can't skip, so instead I lay back in my bed and grin to myself.

"I love you too, bye."

My eyelids flutter open after what feels like ages but couldn't have been longer than twenty minutes. I wake up in the passenger seat of an old cluttered truck. I turn to look next to me although it hurts to move my throbbing head. Next to me is a middle aged, scruffy looking man. The man who rescued me from death to bring me back to hell: this hell that I call my life.

"Wh-where are we going?" I manage to ask although my voice is hoarse, most likely from my earlier sobbing. The man jumps slightly at the sound of my voice, I guess he thought I was still out.

"I'm taking you to find help, miss," he says firmly although he looks slightly frightened. Why would he be frightened of me? Maybe he's scared of what I tried to do to myself, I know I am. I never thought I would ever do something like that. I used to have control of my life. I didn't let anyone or anything dictate my well-being. Now everything's changed. I'm scared. Scared of this person I've allowed myself to be. I was almost there: I was almost free. Then, he stops me. Just my luck.

"I don't need help. I knew what I was doing," I shake my head slowly and turn to stare out the window and watch as the trees fly by at an incredibly fast rate.

"I do too, miss, and it was not a good thing. I don't know your situation, and I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, but no one should ever have to feel that way. I'm taking you to somewhere that will help you, it'll be okay once you get there," I try to find something to say back to assure him I don't need help from anyone, I just need him to take me back to finish what I started, but I can't find the energy to argue with this man, so I keep my mouth shut and continue to stare blankly out of the window.

"Who are you? And how did you find me anyways?" I finally speak up after seven minutes of silence.

"My name is Jackson Stone, and well you see, I'm a lumber jack, and I was cutting down some trees in the forest by the tracks, I was trying to get a picture of the train as it went by for my boy at home, and then I saw your body in the tracks, and I shouted at you to move, but you didn't so I ran over and grabbed you out of the way just in the knick of time," he explains and we turn into a parking lot.

"Oh," I reply blankly and read the sign as we pass it, it reads "Safe Haven Recovery Center."

I don't need recovery. I don't need help. I don't need any of this bull shit, what I need is a plane ticket to a country on the other side of the world to get far away from this place forever. All I want is to run: run away from my troubles. I'm tired of being scared to walk into MY kitchen without being beaten. I'm tired of the heartbreak I feel every time I look into his eyes. I'm just tired to the point where nothing matters. The dreams I once had are just gone. The hope that I used to hold on to is now nothing but a reminder of what could have been. They're crushed, because my apathy has led me to go there. I've been dragged into a deep dark hole by a man. A man named Elias.

We both get out of the car in silence and he walks right behind me as though he's afraid I'm going to make a run for it. Doesn't he see I don't have the energy to put one foot in front of the other, let alone run away from him?

He holds the door for me to walk in and I look around the strange building. It reminds me of a pediatric doctor that my mom used to take me to, when I first look around the lobby, but on a second glance it looks like a retirement home. I fucking hate it.

I follow behind this stranger as he talks to the woman at the front desk. He says some shit about finding me laying on the train tracks and how I passed out and some other stuff. I also here them mention how I don't have insurance so I will be staying in an older, smaller room. Just lovely. Eventually, I zone out, my mind is slightly clouded. Attempting suicide takes a lot out of you, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I stare off into the distance and wonder what happens next. What exactly is this recovery stuff? What about the baby inside of me? I don't want it. I don't want anything that could remind me of him, but I couldn't possibly have an abortion and take an innocent baby's life who never had a chance. No, that isn't an option. I'll go through with the pregnancy and put it up for adoption when it's born.

A hand gently touches my shoulder and I whirl around to face the person who disrupted my thoughts; she doesn't even seem surprised by my sudden movement, they must have crazy patients in here all of the time.

"If you'll follow me down the hall, we'll find you a room you can stay at during your recovery process," the blonde haired woman smiles sweetly. She looks very young and I wonder if she's even old enough to be a nurse. She seems fake; I don't think I'll like her much. Good thing I don't plan on staying here.

"Okay, but I don't need recovery, I need to leave to get out of here," I shake my head but she ignores me, and gives me a gentle prod in the direction of the doorway. I look around desperately for an exit or something. I lock eyes with the lumberjack from earlier and look at him desperately pleading with him to take me back. I'm hysterical, I don't have the strength to fight anyone all I can do is cry and beg the nurse to let me go. Instead she speaks into an earpiece and soon a burly man appears beside me, and he grabs hold of my arm, forcefully dragging me down the hallway.

I'm led into a decent sized room and the man shuts the door behind him after he leaves me standing alone. I grab the handle and try to turn it, even though I already know it will be locked. They think I'm insane. I'm in a safe haven for the fucking mentally insane. This place is for psycho paths and crazy people, not me a girl who was desperate enough to try to take her own life. I am a lot of things, but insane is not one of them.

I look around the eerily grey room that I will be forced to call home for who knows how long. I see a small white cot-type bed pushed against the corner of the room, and there is a silver nightstand next to it with a small lamp on it. I notice a desk against the opposite wall with a desk light and a note pad with a few pens. The floor is covered in white carpeting and I notice a long mirror beside the door and I dare to turn and take a glance at myself. I hesitantly look into it and I see a broken girl, I don't see myself, I see a mess. My long, dark hair is messy and tangled. What surprises me is the hollow the look in my eyes that wasn't there before. They've lost their green shine and have become a dull grey. My waist is small too, smaller than I thought. I pull off my sweat shirt leaving me in my light blue V-neck. Purple and yellow bruises decorate my arms. I am not the girl in the mirror. I am long gone. The reflection in the mirror is simply a body stripped of it's once lively spirit.

I tear my gaze from the mirror and lean with my back against the door, then slide down it to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on them. I wait for tears to come that never do, so instead I chew on my lower lip, wondering what happens next. Will I be locked up here forever? I refuse to let that happen, I cannot stay in this mental institution forever; I'm not who they think I am. I don't know what they'll do when they find out I'm pregnant, maybe I'll get lucky and they will kick me out because they don't want to deal with children. There is one possibility nagging in the back of my mind: what if he finds me here?

There's a light knock on the wooden door calling me out of my thoughts, so I crawl off of the floor and move to sit on the bed before reluctantly answering when the person knocks again, slightly louder, "what do you want?"

Instead of speaking a reply, they answer by opening the door and coming into the room. A woman with auburn hair, who looks to be in her early thirties, walks in. She's wearing black high heels and a professional looking red dress with her hair pinned back in a half pony tail.

"Hello, miss, it's nice to meet you. I am Leigh Anne and I am going to be helping you through out this journey of recovery. I figure we should start by introducing yourself, so your name is?" She speaks in a tone that makes it seem like she's known me forever which irks me. She knows nothing about me.

"Let's cut the shit, alright? I'll never consider doing anything like what I tried to do earlier ever again. Great talk, can I leave now?" I snap, and she seems completely unphased by my rude behavior.

"Your name, miss?" She ignores me and asks again. I open my mouth ready for a smart remark, but I can't think of one in time, so I give in.

"Cora Franklin," I roll my eyes as she smiles at me.

"Thank you. Now Cora, the goal of Safe Haven recovery center is to help everyone of all ages with any type of problem they may have. We have always had excellent results, and we are more than happy to help you through this difficult time. We will work with you through your recovery, and you will be yourself again, you'll never want to try harming yourself again," she explains sweetly and she is really starting to piss me off.

"Look, Leigh Anne, I'm not interested in whatever help you think you can give me, so you can keep me locked up here as long as you want, but we are not going to get anywhere in these little sessions," I say, using air quotes around sessions. The small move sends a slight ache in my arms from the bruising.

"Okay, I'm going to be completely honest with you," she says, finally dropping the sweet act, "the more you cooperate and try to work with me, the sooner you will be out of here. That's how this works whether you approve or not."

"Well this is going to be a very long trip through recovery for both of us," I counter, tapping my fingers on the side of the bed, and making sure to look her directly in her pale blue eyes.

"If that's what you want it to be, then yes it is," she presses her red lips together In a thin line and gives me a slightly disapproving look before continuing, "the showers are down the hall and to the left. I will send someone in with some clothes and a towel for you, there is a recreational room for all patients with a TV and games, but it's too late to go now. Curfew was ten minutes ago, so you'll have to take a shower then go right back to your room. I suggest you try to get used to it, and think about what I told you before acting so stubborn. Good night, Cora, I will see you tomorrow after noon." Once again the door shuts, leaving me alone in this strange unfamiliar room.

"Fuck," I groan, then lay back on the bed and stare up at the white ceiling that is chipping away. It's been an insanely long day and the man doesn't even arrive with my clothes before sleep takes over my aching body.

A/N hey guys if you are reading this I love you soooo much!! Please VOTE & COMMENT to let me know how I'm doing(: and yes I know 5SOS hasn't come in yet but I promise they will soon(: so yeah thanks edit in sidebar for each chapter! Love ya xx


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