Looking For Now[l.h]

in which a lost boy tries to fix a broken girl.


7. Chlorpromazine

"So are you going to go?" Elias asks after some prep in our Psychology class invited me to his party tonight. I'm not sure why he did, when I'm sitting right here with Elias, who is my boyfriend, after all.

"Of course not. Why would I?" I turn to look at him as we walk across campus towards my next class; trigonometry. He has Statistics next, but they're in the same building.

"Good. He was totally checking you out," Elias mutters, not making eye contact.

"He was?" I didn't even notice.

"Yeah. He seems like a douche anyways," he chuckles and I laugh with him.

"Ready for your Stats test?" I ask as we near the building.

"Ready as I'll ever be," he sighs, "what kind of teacher gives a test the first week of school anyways? It's going to be a long year."

"Sounds like it, at least I'm here now," I joke and smile up at him. He turn to me with his dazzling white teeth and crystal blue eyes. A real smile; one that could give me chills, and make me smile any day.

"I don't think I would have made it through another year with out you," he jokes and bumps into my as we walk through the door into the math building.

"Do you want to do something this weekend?" 

"Like what?" He asks curiously.

"I dunno. I figured we could celebrate our first week or something."

"How about dinner?" He suggests and I nod my head, "there's a great restaurant just down the street from campus. Pick you up at your dorm around 7?" 

"Sounds good!" I agree and we stop outside of my classroom. He leans in for a goodbye kiss, and I lean in too. Right before our lips meet his eyes turn black again. He reaches out and shoves me to the ground. He swings his boot to kick my rib cage.

"Stop!" I shout out before I can stop myself. I sit straight up in bed and scramble back into the corner my cot is pushed up against. My heart races, and my breath catches in my throat. Sobs rack through my chest as the all too real dream continually replays in my head.

My door flies open, and Walter comes rushing in. His lips are moving, but my hands are clamped over my ears trying to get his voice out of my head. I can feel his boot striking my chest repeatedly, and I can hear his drunken slur of insults.

Walter puts his hands on my shoulders, shaking me. I yell at him repeatedly to stop, but he doesn't. I want him to leave; I just want to be alone. Why can't he see that?

My vision becomes blurry as tears well in my eyes. I can just barely distinguish three other figures enter my room. They speak quickly amongst each other, and I recognize two male voices, and one that belongs to an older female. I can't hear what they're saying for the same reason I couldn't hear Walter, but I can hear one come closer. I feel a sharp prod in my forearm, and let out a yelp before everything goes black.


"Cora, you've got to get up," Ashton's voice speaks softly causing my eyes to flutter open.

"What the hell happened," I mutter, attempting to sit up, but quickly get a head rush that causes me to ease up more slowly.

"They injected you to calm you down," he explains quietly, "you were crying, and you looked terrified."

"So, I get a bad dream, and you guys decide to knock me out?" I gasp infuriated.

"It's not like that Cora. It's our job, you were yelling at Walter, and you were so worked up... I told my mum we could calm you down if we tried, but she seemed to think it was in your best interest to give you the chlorpromazine."

"And what the hell is that?" I demand, irritated with the fact that Leigh Anne wouldn't listen to him and let me be.

"It's supposed to help relieve anxiety. I am truly sorry Cora. Me and Luke both said it wasn't the best idea, but my mum does get the final say, since she's the director here," he gives me a frown. I take a deep breath and tell my self it isn't Ashton's fault so there's no point taking my irritation out on him.

"Where's Walter?"

"He's outside of the door. We both thought it would be best if someone else came to wake you up; you were pretty upset with him last night," he says. Of course I was, he wouldn't leave me alone. I add to myself silently.


"Well, lunch starts in fifteen, so I thought I would give you a heads up. Of course my mum is expecting you there," he says and I nod my head, "I'll let you get ready, see you in the cafeteria?"

"Sure," I reply and wait for him to leave.


"Are you excited Cora?" Ashton's voice calls me back into the conversation. I had completely zoned out during their conversation at breakfast. Now three pairs of eyes were trained on me waiting for a response. Calum and Michael had gotten a chance to leave their wing and came here for lunch.

"For what?" I ask trying to figure out what happened. After talking to Ashton this morning I feel so different. I feel more distant, and strange. The fact that I was actually injected to calm down was a reality check that I really am a patient in a mental institution. I am no better than anyone else here, and I completely freaked this morning. I am not Cora Franklin. I am a patient in this hell hole.

"The annual Safe Haven party," Michael chuckles filling me in.

"Oh, I mean not really. I don't know what that is anyways," I mutter.

"Every year the staff decorates and prepares for a celebration. All of the patients to at one time, and usually it's a good time for the patients to get out of their room, and interact with other patients," Michael explains.

"Plus there is cake, and we all know this cafeteria food is shit," Calum whispers to me, and I give him a small smile.

"Is it mandatory?" I ask.

"Yes, Leigh Anne will make all of the patients go, well except for the level threes. They never leave their rooms," Michael says lowering his voice towards the end.

"What's a level three?"

"The actually insane ones. They have a wholes separate hallway. I've never been there, and I don't plan on it; Leigh Anne doesn't even work with them," he speaks quickly, and quietly.

"Well what am I?" I ask curiously.

"A level two," he answers.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, erm..." Michael trails off and I can tell he is trying to find the right words to explain this carefully.

"You can say it. I know I'm crazy. What is a level two?" I ask again determined to know.

"It's someone who has attempted suicide or self-harms," Ashton answers for Michael, "level one is someone with a disorder, like ADD, PTSD, or depression, who has never harmed themselves."

"Oh," I answer quietly, and look down at my half-eaten sandwich.

"That's why there are different wings. Luke and Ashton work in the second wing, and Michael, and I work I'm the first," Calum pipes up.

"Oh," I repeat. I don't really feel like talking about it anymore. I want to talk about normal things, not the level of insane I'm on. I guess it is my fault for asking, but now I wished someone would say something else.

"Did you guys hear about the Liverpool game last night?" Luke changes the topic, and I look up at him surprised. He really doesn't talk much at all.

"Yes, Michael and I watched it in the rec room. It was awful," Calum sighs, "three to zero how did we let that happen? Especially to Chelsea."

"It was a hard one to watch. We should not have let that last goal in," Michael groans and rubs his face with his hands.

"Or any of them really," Luke frowns.

"And that card should never have happened!" Calum exclaims frustrated.

"I know, that definitely wasn't his fault," Michaels mutters.

"I will never understand their infatuation with soccer," Ashton turns to me.

"Yeah. My dad uses to make me watch it with him. I never understood it," I say, remembering the countless times my dad tried to explains he different plays. I would always sit and watch them just because he enjoyed it; I didn't like them much.

"I love playing it, but I just get so bored watching," he laughs, and I nod my head.

"Are you okay?" He lowers his voice, and I look to make sure the other boys are still engrossed in conversation before replying.


"That doesn't sound very convincing," the corners of his lips turn down into a frown.

"Yeah," I say deciding I don't want to make much of a conversation today, so I won't.

"You can talk to me if you need anything, okay? I know my mum isn't always the easiest to talk to, so I'm here if you need me," he says and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks. I'm going back to my room now," I tell him, and stand up from the table.

"You didn't eat much," he observes.

"I'm not hungry," I shrug my shoulders.

"Alright... Bye Cora, see you at dinner," Ashton sighs as I walk away.


"What are your hobbies?" Leigh Anne asks after we both decided I am not ready for the deep questions.


"What's your favorite color?"


"Where is your favorite place to go?"

"I liked the beach when I was little."

"What's your favorite subject in school?"

"English. How are these questions getting me anywhere?" I let out a long sigh, and look up to meet her gaze.

"We are simply getting acquainted Cora. Maybe these sessions will go smoother if we get to know each other a little bit first," she explains.

"Well I don't know much about you," I point out.

"Okay... How about you ask the questions, now. You get five questions," she leans back I'm the chair and lays down the pencil she was using to take notes.

"Why do you work here?"

"I want to help people in unfortunate circumstances."

"Do you like it?"

"Depends on the patient. I have some who are nearly impossible to work with, and some who are more easy to help."

"Are you married?"


"Were you married?"

"Yes," she replies and breaks my gaze. I stop, and think before asking my next question, knowing it is my last one.

"Do you believe that there is a way to help everyone out of their unfortunate circumstance?"

"Yes, I do. I think everyone just needs someone who will listen to them, and at least try to understand. They need someone who won't judge them or look at them funny, but someone who will treat them like anyone else, no matter what they might have done in the past," she says, and looks back up at me with thoughtful eyes.


"I guess that's enough for today, yes?" She says putting up her notepad and pen into her bag. I nod my head.

"Dinner will be at a different time tonight for a celebration. It will start at 5:45 and it will be in the center wing location, so Walter will walk you down there. If you act up, I would like to remind you we have plenty of people carrying syringes of what we used this morning. So please don't do anything dumb. This is a privilege to go to the celebration; some people don't get to," she says, standing up.

"Why did you inject me anyways?" I demand remembering how Ashton said he told her not to.

"You were upset, and anxious. You needed to relax. Good bye Cora. I look forward to seeing you tonight," she gives me a fake smile and exits my room.

A/N if you're reading this thank you!! I love all of you guys and appreciate your support more than you know(: I would like to put it out there that I do realize this book is not accurate I'm terms of mental hospital accommodations. I am very aware of that, and I apologize if I offend you, but it is a fictional book, so I tweaked it a bit for writing purposes. There is an edit in the side bar/media tab if you want to take a look(: please VOTE & COMMENT to let me know what you think, I am very thankful for any feedback. Our last vote goal was 20 and we didn't quite make it, but it was close, so maybe 20 again? Alright well I hope everyone has a great week love youuu! Thanks xx

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