Things I can't

Travelling all around the world, Harry left Hayley with only her eyes to wipe, untold words, a broken promise and a shattered heart.
But some things can't be erased : a past full of memories she'd rather forget but always will cherish, and an indelible mark, bonding them, forever will remain.
Three little words engraved in her skin and meaningless now that he's gone.

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20. Hard past

Hayley's POV
 

Locked in my hotel room, I could not stop crying. The latter being in front of his, I could hear him crying as well as the other boys who were trying to console him. I had never heard him crying so much; it was heartbreaking...  My heart was torn between two feelings: on the one hand, I wanted to run into his room and take him in my arms, to tell him that I was there and I always will be for him ... But one the other hand, he hurt me so much. I could not forget what I had felt the day he left me and with everything that had happened the previous days, it was even worse. That day was in replay in my head...
 

*Flashback*

I quickly huged Tamara before leaving my high school to get back home; I was in a rush, we were on Friday which meant that I will have a skype for hours with Harry. Support distance was hard but I loved him with all my heart and it was not that little detail that would change that. Tamara gave me a wide smile and waved at me before joining her mother who was waiting for her in the car. 

A few minutes later I was at home and I rushed upstairs in my room and turned on my computer. I logged on my Skype account but Harry wasn't connected.
"Weird... He's always the first of both of us on skype. Maybe he is still in an interview, we will speak on skype later," I told to myself. I checked my phone to see if I had a text from him but nothing... I waited all the night but  no sign of life from Harry. I tried to call him like 20 times and I sent him as many textes, he never answered me. It was the same during 1 week; I was desperate. I then decided to call Niall; he was like my bestfriend afterall, he would have never hide me nothing. When he picked up I noticed in his voice a bit oh anxiety and sadness. All what he told me was "I'll get Harry" and then I heard them talk in whispers because they didn't want me to hear, I guess.
"Why did you pick up ? You're stupid Niall !" I heard Harry said. I could feel anger despite that he was whispering.
"She's my bestfriend, I couldn't let her like that! Harry, you have to tell her... She loves you, you owe her the truth."
Tell me what ? My heart started to beat more and more faster in my chest.
"Hayley?" I heard Harry say in the phone.
"Hi sweetheart, how are you ?" I replied, faking a happy voice to hide my anxiety.
"Listen to me Hayley. Let me speak till the end without interrupting me, okay ?" he told me with a cold voice. 
"Okay..."
"You're over-possessive; those last few weeks you were always mad at me because of rumors. You're preventing me to live my life as I want. I'm famous now; it's not like when we were at Holmes Chapel where you were the only girl who wanted me, you have to accept the fact that a lot of girls want me now. You can't understand what it's like to be famous, you're just a normal person, it is not compatible with my life. It's over. Oh, and don't try to call me, it's useless. Forget me, it's better like that for the both of us," and he hung up.

I then stopped going to school as everything was remembering me Harry: what made me cry all the time. I spoke to no one except my mother and Tamara. And as if that was not enough, I tortured myself by listening on repeat the song "Thousand Needles" by Lea Michele ...

 

Waves are breaking in a storm
Tornado sweep me off the floor
See only darker skies in sight
You wanna know what that's like
Like thousand needles in my heart
Whenever time sets us apart
And now my world is crashing down
Now that I can't have you around

 

Oh why you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading
Oh why you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading

 

Running fast in hell and rain
The summer tell me I'm insane
Throw a reason out the door
Will make a difference no more
A thousand needles in my heart
Show me the painful from the start
You're wasted, not packing our day
The day before you walked away

 

Oh why you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading
Oh why you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading

 

A thousand needles in my heart
A thousand needles in my heart
A thousand needles in my heart

 

Oh why you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading
I can see you wanna break away
I'm bleeding
I can see you now in shades of grey
A memory fading



*End of the flashback*

 

I was about to fall asleep, exhausted by my sobs and my state of health when a knock on my door made itself heard.

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