Theatre of parodies

Your beloved Dexholders are acting out in a series of parodies of movies and even parody of the parody in one-shot styles chapters. Cussing and violence warning. Please do review upon reading. There will be laughter, Romance, drama, and randomness.

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8. Star Wars Episode IV: New Hope part One

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….

STAR WARS

Episode 4: The New Hope

At long last, back to business, don't you know that fan fics authors have lives you know. Also the director has college classes including an online course on history. What a joke, right?

All in this director wanted to make numerous references from other works known as Urusei Yatsura Star Wars. It's entire trilogy in one work. How hard is that?

There will stealing of gags even from Family Guy Star Wars for spite of comedy. Also Pokemon X and Y is coming, but the director prefers old school pokemon and stick to 251 pokemon instead.

The Wii U is awesome, but that has great third party games are coming. The director hopes Battlefield comes to the Wii U and is hoping to get Assassin Creed 3. What I was doing again?

Oh, CRAP! The story is that after the last Episode the Galactic Empire has found another rebellion known as the Rebel Alliance. The Rebels won a major battle, but hijack the plans of the Death Star. But Princess Leia is intercepted by Imperial Forces…

You can stop reading for now.

After the intro ends, the rebel ship runs away from Imperial Star Destroyer which the banner shows Mitt Romany and Paul Ryan. There is lasers hitting each other which until the Imperial ship hit a major blow on the Rebel ship.

Boom!

Pearl: Dia, do you hear that?

Dia: I heard!

Pearl: They hit the reactor! They will come to get us and…

Dia: Feed us?

3CPO hits R2 in the head.

Pearl: No! You idiot! They coming to get us.

Rebel soldiers are prepared to defend the ship. The Imperial ship grabs the Rebel ship into the huge hanger.

Dia: What's going to happen?

Pearl: It seems they about to board us? There's no escape for the Princess this time.

Dia: Yeah, that's sparking stuff in that door.

Pearl: Huh?

The door is been cut down until the Storm troopers of the 501st (remnants of the Lance Clones) legion pour out to fight the rebels. A firefight ensures until one of them was hit.

Rebel trooper: Damn! I was going to retire next week.

The rebels fought hard, but they slowly retreated. Our lovable droids flee in the firefight. Suddenly, Darth Giovanni appeared with more storm troopers with him.

Pearl: DIA! Where are you?

He searches for R2 in the ship, but he found him with somebody.

Crystal: Blue Oak, you are my only hope. So, what I finish the record?

Dia: Oh, it's near my feed tube. No, wait. It's near the red light thing.

Crystal: Ok, then. Do I need set what kind of audio output?

Dia: What I know?

Crystal: You must go! I am counting on you.

Leia left the R2 alone.

Pearl: DIA! What we do? They take over the ship and they ship us to spice mines of Kessel or fate worse than death.

Dia: Like what?

Pearl: You know. Those rumors of a certain individual who use robots to do his will and…..

Show disturbing scenes that you don't want to know about individuals use robots for sex slaves.

Dia: Like pokemon?

Pearl: yes, like that. Wrong Universe!

3CPO hits R2 in the head. But R2 goes somewhere in the ship.

Pearl: Hey, where are you going?

The remaining rebels are captured while the Storm troopers are searching for something.

Stormtrooper: They are not in the main computers.

Giovanni: Where those plans you get them? Where are they?

Rebel captain: We got neither transmissions nor plans. We are a diplomatic mission to Aldereen.

Giovanni: Oh, is this a diplomatic ship? Where is the peacekeeper?

He kills the rebel captain and throws him like a rag doll.

Giovanni: Destroy this ship until you found those plans and anybody who board this ship, I want them alive!

As the Storm troopers search again until they encountered Princess Leia.

Storm trooper: There's one. Set for Stun.

She kills the Stormtrooper as one grabs his dead comrade.

Stormtrooper 2: he said stun! Damnit! Why, God! Why!

They stun her.

Stormtrooper 3: She will be alright. Inform Lord Giovanni, we have a prisoner.

Stormtrooper 4: Hey, I had been wondering.

Stormtrooper 3: What?

Stormtrooper 4: can we inform the lord after you know…. Wink wink nudge.

Stormtrooper 3: NO, we can't do that. We got better things to do than that.

Stormtrooper 4: Oh, come on! I mean look at this girl. I mean she has right kind of boobs, but her curves are shock and awe. Can we…..

Stormtrooper: 3: I say no and I mean NO!

Stormtrooper 4: aw, I don't want to be virgin.

StormTrooper 3: At least, I got a hot wife I worship. Hell, I got a picture of her in my room.

Stormtrooper 4: Ok, kinda creepy.

Meanwhile…

Pearl: Are you sure about this?

Dia: Yeah, I'm sure that we got a big mission.

Pearl: I hope what you are doing?

The escape pod exits the ship. But they were spotted by Imperial Gunners.

Imperial Gunner: There goes another one!

Imperial Gunner 2: Hold your fire! It has no life forms.

Imperial Gunner: What if they put something in there like droids that we will regret not shooting it?

Imperial Gunner 2: What kind of idiot who put droids in the first place?

Imperial Gunner: A smart idiot, sir?

Imperial Gunner 2: Sigh, there's no proof there is no droids in that pod.

Imperial Gunner: I was only assuming.

Pearl: Man, are they idiots or what?

Dia: like me?

I mean 3CPO hits R2 again as the pod goes to the planet. At the ship

Crystal: Darth Giovanni, I am surprise to see you. The Imperial Senate will not allow this action to be taken lightly.

Giovanni: Don't act so surprise, Princess. I have my sources that the plans have transferred to this ship. I want to know where those plans are.

Crystal: I don't know what are you talking about? I am the member of the Imperial Senate…

Giovanni: You are the part of the Rebel alliance and a traitor. Take her away!

Crystal: Wait! Fine, you win. But the plans are among in these cases.

Showing the Deal or NO Deal Japanese game verison.

Giovanni: Um…..I choose case number 4.

It reveals to be nothing.

Giovanni: Nice, try. Ok, TAKE HER AWAY!

The storm troopers took her away.

Imperial Officer: Sir, that can cause trouble for the Senate to allied with the Rebels.

Giovanni: Doesn't matter to me as long she is only link to the Rebel base.

Imperial Officer: She will die before revealing anything to you.

Giovanni: Leave that to me, I have already plan this.

Imperial Officer 2: Sir, there was no transmissions of the plan. But there was escape left earlier before.

Giovanni: She must place the plans in that pod. Send a battalion to search it.

Imperial Officer: Yes, sir.

The Imperial ship flies back and to the Desert planet.

Pearl: So, what we do?

Dia: How about I go there and you go there to find settlements?

Pearl: Brilliant idea!

They found their way until each of them was captured by Jawas. Yeah, it took too long for any details to write out. At the next morning

Stormtrooper 5: That's strange? The tracks goes off to this direction?

Stormtrooper 6: Hey, sir Look. Droids.

Stormtrooper 7: I found a Droid.

Stormtrooper 8: I found a Droid.

Stormtrooper 9: I found a Droid.

Stormtrooper 10: I found a Droid.

Charlie Brown: I got a rock.

The sand crawler comes across a moisture farm.

Bill: Luke! I need some hand over here.

Reveals Luke played by Silver. Sliver Fangirls are screaming.

Republic Empire: SHUT UP! YOU'RE RUINING THE SHOW! Back to the story.

Daisy: Luke! Can you tell Owen to get a droid translator?

Silver: I will!

He goes to Owen.

Bill: I will have this one. Not that one! Hey, are you a translator?

Pearl: Of Couse, I am. I can speak over 6 million forms of communication including English, Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, French, and Swedish.

Bill: Seems legit. Um, Luke. Bring those droids to the garage to clean them.

Silver: I was going to Toshce station to pick power converters.

Bill: Sigh, you do that later. Come on.

Silver: Let's go. Come on, let's go!

Dia: Hey, what about me?

Jawa: Shut up!

But the red one blown up at Luke's dismay..

Silver: Uncle Owen, this R2 unit broke.

Bill: Are you ripping me off?

Jawa: What? I didn't know that was going to happen.

Pearl: I suggest you take the blue one.

Silver: What about the blue one?

Bill: Can we make a switch?

Jawa: That's ok with me, but no refunds.

Bill: Deal.

At the garbage

Pearl: Man, I need an oil bath.

Silver: sigh, it's not fair. Briggs is right; I will never get out of this place.

Pearl: Excuse, what's your name?

Silver: Luke. Just Luke, please

Pearl: I see.

Silver: So, what you doing in the planet?

Pearl: Oh, we were cruising.

Dia: With rebel forces.

Silver: You know about the rebels against the Empire?

Pearl: in a sense, yes.

Silver: Have you been in many battles?

Pearl: Well, there is a lot I can't say.

Silver: Oh, let's see you got there.

As Luke is cleaning R2 until the message appeared.

Silver: Who is that?

Pearl: Oh, her. She was a passenger on the ship we were on.

Silver: She's beautiful.

(OH, yes those wish for SilverxCrystal. Sorry, ain't happening because I found it unprofitable and FOR GOOD PURE THINGS IN THE WORLD, NO YAOI and NO YURI SHIPPING ARE ALLOWED in my SHOW!)

Dia: I got a secret mission to do. Someone named Blue Oak.

Silver: Blue Oak?

Pearl: Pardon, do you know that person?

Silver: I don't know this Blue Oak, but I know someone named Ben Oak. He lives in the outskirts. Kinda a strange hermit. How you get the entire message?

Dia: If you get this restraining bolt off of me?

Silver: Ok.

He takes it off.

Silver: Hey! Play the entire thing!

Dia: Nope.

3CPO hits R2.

Pearl: he did you a favor!

Dia: Yeah, but…..

Bill: Luke! Dinner is ready!

Silver: Coming!

Luke left.

Dia: What we do now?

Pearl: I don't know.

Luke join his Aunt and Uncle dinner table. But they a heated argument about the ownership of the droids. Luke goes outside to do the memorial scene of the entire saga. He goes back to the garage until he found out R2 was gone. He and 3CPO has go in the morning to find him. Which they did

Silver: There you are.

Pearl: What the hell you were doing?

Dia: I know, the mission is more important than. Wait, I sense there is something in this area.

Silver: Sand people. Come on.

As they look though the binoculars.

Silver: There are two banthras, but wait. There is sand people where I can see right front of me.

Suddenly the Sandpeople attacked as they knock out Luke and 3CPO out. They drag Luke to the speeder as R2 hide until a sound that frightens them. The Hooded figure comes to Luke until it spots R2.

(No, Blue Oak will be replaced by his Grandfather for this role.)

Professor Oak: Hello there!

Dia: Huh?

Professor Oak: I won't harm you. Don't worry about him. He's going to be alright.

Silver: Ow, Ben Oak?

Professor Oak: What brings you in this area?

Silver: Oh, the R2 claims he was a mission to deliver someone named Blue Oak.

Professor Oak: Blue Oak? That's a name I haven't heard for a long time.

Silver: You know him?

Professor Oak: Do I know him? He's me. I was once Blue Oak of the Galaxy.

They heard something.

Professor Oak: We better get indoors. They come back in superior numbers.

They pick up 3CPO and get back to Oak house.

Silver: My father didn't fight a war. He was a space navigator.

Professor Oak: That is your uncle talking. You father was a jedi knight.

Silver: Wait, you and him fought the Clone Wars?

Professor Oak: Yes, we were best of friends. He was a good pilot like you are. I got something to show you.

Silver: What is it?

Professor Oak: It's a Jedi's weapon. It's for a civilized age. The Jedi in many generations protected and promote justice in the galaxy until the dark times of the Empire.

Silver: How did my father died?

He goes in a flashback trance as the last time they fought.

Professor Oak: I have a pupil named Giovanni once. He was a friend of mine until he hunt down and killed Jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Giovanni was seduced to the Dark side of the force.

Silver: The force?

Professor Oak: It gives Jedi it's power. It's surrounds us and binds us. So, what was this R2 unit wants to bring me.

Silver: I only saw part of it.

Professor Oak: I got it.

Crystal: Blue Oak, you served my mother during the Clone Wars (NO, I Will not do the series because it's too long to do it). I have entrusted this R2 with plans to stop the Empire from doing terrible things. You must bring this R2 unit to Aldereen. It's my desperate hour. Help me, Blue Oak. You're my only hope. Which Audio output I use?

Message ends.

Professor Oak: You must come with me to Aldereen if you must learn the ways of the force.

Silver: Aldereen? I can't go there. I got work to do.

Professor Oak: I need your help. So does she. I getting too old for this job.

Silver: It's not I like the Empire. I hate it, but there's nothing I can do.

Professor Oak: That's your Uncle talking.

Silver: How I am explaining this?

Professor Oak: learn the ways of the force.

Silver: How I drop you off in Archorhead and make your way to Mos Esly?

Professor Oak: You must do what's right.

At the Death Star….

Imperial Moff: The rebels are more well-equipped than ever. Due of their guerrilla tactics, we are more defenseless than ever.

Imperial Moff 2: Dangerous to your star fleet, but not to this battlestation.

Imperial Moff: If the Rebel Alliance gains support from the Senate then….

Comes with two figures as one is Darth Giovanni and Imperial Moff

Archer (as Moff Takin): The Imperial Senate no longer exists. Our Lady Empress has disbanded them. The remains of the Old Republic has been wipe out.

Imperial Moff: How she is able to maintain her control without the Senate?

Archer: Regional governors will obey her command. Now, to our plans to control the galaxy by fear rather brute force.

Imperial Moff: What if the Rebels has acquired the plans? The Rebels are more sneaky as ever.

Giovanni: Soon, those plans will be at our hands.

Imperial Moff: It doesn't matter if the Rebels has those plans. Now, this battlestation is most powerful thing in the universe. I suggest we use it.

Giovanni: Don't be prideful of your technology. It's insignificant next to the power of the force.

Imperial Moff: Oh, please. That bullshit. No wonder the plans didn't recover when soon you…..ack!

Giovanni force chokes the Moff.

Giovanni: I sense your lack of faith disturb me.

Archer: Enough of this! Giovanni, release him.

Giovanni: As you wish.

He lets go of the Moff.

Archer: Soon, we will have our source to find the Rebel base and end this in one big blow.

Back on the Desert planet (Too dumb to spell)

Silver: I never seen sandpeople hit so big.

Reveals the sand crawler is destroyed.

Professor Oak: They didn't! They move in numbers while these tracks are not them. Also those blast points are too precision for sandpeople which only Stormtroopers of 501st can do.

Silver: Wait? I know them. They were the ones sold those droids to me unless….home!

Professor Oak: Wait! It's too dangerous.

Luke goes anyway to see his uncle and Aunt are burned to death and loss of home. Back at the Death Star, at Leia's cell…..

Giovanni: Now, you will tell of your hidden rebel base.

Shows the probe droid with a needle which shows Leia's reaction and the door closes. Back to the Desert planet when Luke returned.

Professor Oak: There was nothing you could do. You will be dead. The droids in the Empire.

Silver: I will come with you to learn the ways of the force like my father.

They go off to the main city of the Desert planet. They encountered a squad of Stormtroopers.

Stormtrooper 11: How long you have these droids?

Silver: About 3 seasons.

Professor Oak: I can sell them if you want too?

Stormtrooper 11: I need some ID.

Professor Oak: You don't to see his ID.

Stormtrooper 11: We don't need to see his ID.

Professor Oak: he can mind his own business.

Stormtrooper 11: He can mind his own business.

Professor Oak: Move along.

Stormtrooper 11: Move along. Move Along.

They move along.

Stormtrooper 11's daughter: You're not even trying.

Stormtrooper: baby, it's 165 degrees out there. I can't hear everything in this thing. I was just repeating what's the old man was saying. It's not like mother&^%&* matter, ok?

The daughter runs away crying.

Stormtrooper 11: Oh, no! Baby!

Stormtrooper 12: Damn, this why I don't bring my daughter to jackshit.

As our heroes move on

Silver: How we got pass through them. I thought we were dead meat.

Professor Oak: The Force works on the weak minds.

Silver: ok, makes sense.

They entered a cantina bar showing. There is a minor incident with one of the criminals that threaten Luke, but Obi-Wan has cut his arm off. But they meet one of the pilots.

Gold: So, I heard you need a pilot from my copilot?

Reveals Sapphire reprises as Chewbacca.

Professor Oak: Is a fast ship?

Gold: A fast ship? You never heard the Millennium Falcon? It made the kessel run less than 12 parcels. What's the cargo?

Professor Oak: Me, the boy, and two droids. NO questions asked.

Gold: So, local trouble?

Professor Oak: Let's say to avoid any Imperial sentry.

Gold: Yeah, I can do. But at a price. 10,000 all in advance.

Silver: 10,000? We can buy a ship for that.

Gold: Who's going to fly it? You, Ginger?

Silver: You got that! I'm not bad pilot as yourself. Come on, we wasting time here.

Professor Oak: How about 2,000 now and when we get there we will pay for you 15,000?

Gold: 17? You got yourself a deal. Meet me at Dock 94.

Professor Oak: 94.

Gold: I think you get out of here.

They spotted Stormtroopers are coming to them until Luke and Obi-Wan was gone.

Gold: 17 thousand? They must be crazy.

Sapphire: Enough to pay back to Jabba?

Gold: With 7 thousand left, I can buy me some dates. Wild Girl, get the ship ready.

As Chewy left until…..

Lt. Surge: Going somewhere, Solo?

Gold: Yes, Greedo. I was going to your boss, Jabba and then repay him.

Lt. Surge: It's too late for that. Jabba has own your ship and hired every bounty hunter in the galaxy. Lucky me that I found you.

Gold: Yeah, but this time I got the money.

Lt. Surge: Then give it to me and I will forget. Well, to be frank the economy is not good shape since the rent price has risen up.

Gold: But I don't have it with me. Tell Jabba.

Lt. Surge: Jabba is though with you! Jabba will acquire with your ship.

Gold: Over my dead body.

Lt. Surge: That will be a great scene to see.

Gold: Yeah, bet you were.

HOLD, those who debated that Han Solo shot first while the special edition shows Greedo shot first. Personally, I favor the special edition which improved. Those who complain this scene I got two words: &^%* you!. This is my parody!

The heroes go to the Dock 94, but followed by Imperial spy. They see Han Solo's ship.

Silver: What a piece of junk?

Gold: HEY! I made modifications on it. So, we should get going.

Wait! Flashback! Han Solo sees Jabba and his crew.

Whitney: SOLO! Where is my money!

Gold: Look, Jabba. I got my money, but not right now. When I get it, I will pay you back. Also don't send your lackys to do your dirty work.

After that, back to the story. The Stormtroopers found our heroes and they blast off to space as they hyperspace. At the Death Star….

Imperial Officer: Sir, we reach Aldereen.

Archer: Good.

They bring Leia here.

Crystal: Governor Tankin, I shouldn't know this. I recognized your foul scent when I was bought onboard.

Archer: Charming to the last. I have been exhausted to find your rebel base. Also I will use your home planet to test this weapon.

Shows her homeworld

Crystal: NO! We don't have weapons in our system.

Archer: Give us a military target. Name the system! Tell us the rebel base.

Crystal: fine, they are dantoonie.

Archer: See, Lord Giovanni. She can be very reasonable. Fire when ready.

Crystal: WHAT!? YOU bastard!

Continue for part 2

 

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