Theatre of parodies

Your beloved Dexholders are acting out in a series of parodies of movies and even parody of the parody in one-shot styles chapters. Cussing and violence warning. Please do review upon reading. There will be laughter, Romance, drama, and randomness.


5. Star Wars Episode I: Phantom Menece

In the following roles to know who is playing them:

Green Oak: Obi-Wan

Chuck: Qui-gon

Will: Gunray

Karen: Gunray's partner

Brock: Mace Windu

Emerald: Yoda

Blue: Padme

Red: Anakin Skywalker

Sird: Darth Sidious

Archie: Darth Maul (no, he will not wearing armor. He is told he has make-up to do and there just like Darth Maul in the movie.)

If you didn't this read the roles, you will told again in the story. Thank you.

Republic Empire Theatre of Parodies presents

Long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…

Star Wars

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

In the times of a galactic where…..You know what screw the intros if you know what's going on? OK, the big deal is some economic issues. Also The Republic disbanded its military and leaves all the security to locals. They disband them since the last sith wars; I mean that's the stupid idea!

Why disbanding a military if they miss two sith lords are hidings in the dark shadows as they plan to take over the galaxy? Also how hard is to find two of them? To be fair, they are pretty good when comes to hiding.

Wait, what I was talking about? Oh, yeah. Some organization named Trade Federation; blockade the planet Naboo for reasons of unknown. Others claim it's a economic protest against Republic's "unfair trade laws". The Chancellor Valoumn sends two Jedi to have peace talks with the Trade Federation.

Thus the saga begins. Enjoy! P.S- For those Jar Jar Binks haters, he doesn't exist here. I will have a hard time to replace in part 2.

After the intro ends, we all see a bunch of warships near the planet Naboo. A Republic ship comes near them.

"Captain, tell them, we are boarding one of their ships." Qui-gon played by Chuck, the Cinnabar Gym Leader.

Captain: "Of course, with all due respect. We will land one of your ships." As the Ship captain communicates with the leader of the Trade Federation, Gunray played by Will, one of the members of the Elite Four joins the show.

"Of course, I will oblige to have the Chancellor's ambassadors. But you know our blockade is legal." Gunray is glad to have ambassadors from the Senate. The Republic ship lands as droids watches the two hooded figures coming down on the ship. The two figures are guided to a room until they reach there. The service droid left.

"I have a bad feeling about this." As Obi-wan, played by Green(Male or you prefer Blue, go ahead) is worried.

"Why is that, young padwan?" Chuck wonders why Obi-wan is worrying about.

"I feel something is out there is not quite right." Obi-wan answered with curiosity.

"Don't mind about the future. Focus on your present moment."

"But master Yoda said I should mindful of the future."

"That will sway our mission, will it?"

"You think they will listen? Can we put an end to this?"

"Don't worry, they're cowards. We will end this without a fight."

Meanwhile at the command center, the service tells everything what it knows about their guests.

"What?! What did you say?" Gunray is surprised to hear that.

"They're Jedi masters I believe." As Droid finishes her sentence which Gunray's partner played by Karen, member of the Elite four gladly to join the show.

"I knew it! They are here to force a settlement." Gunray's partner is surprised to hear that.

"You distract them while I contract Lady Sidious."

"Are you an idiot?"

"DO you have bright ideas?"

"Hmmm" Will thinks and then they both look at the Droid as its anime sweat. They sent the droid with drinks.

"That's odd. They couldn't keep us this long." Obi-wan is wondering why the servant droid came instead of Gunray. That puzzles Obi-wan and his master as well.

"Patient, my padwan. But I do agree that something is very suspious." Qui-gon said as he takes his drink. Meanwhile at the control room bridge, Gunray and his partner contract someone until a hologram appearance of a hooded figure.

"What is it?" Sidious played by Sird which she finds this role to be very glad that she likes to be the Big Bad.

"Lady Sidious, we finish the blockade. But there is one minor problem."

"What kind of minor problem?"

"Two Jedi knights I presume."

" That compromises the plan! Never mind them, continue the plan. Begin landing your troops."

"Is that legal?" Gunray is worrying that the Senate might do if he did that.

" I will make it legal, you dumbass!" Sidious angrily told to Gunray that won't be a problem.

"What about the Jedi?" Gunray's partner asked to know what to do with them.

"Do I have point out the obvious? Kill them, NOW!" Lady Sidious commanded them. At the hanger, the ship blows up along the ship captain and the second mate with it. This alerted two Jedi who drew out their lightsabers until they release gas coming out. They realize this and hold their breath. A squad of battledroids appears to the door.

"They must be dead by now. Dispose their bodies." Gunray ordered them. They waited as they open the door which the service droid the room.

"Take it up, corporal. We'll cover you." Droid Captain commands one of the Battle driods. The Corporal comes near.

"Wait? What if they're not dead?" Corporal Droid said, but a lightsaber cuts his head.

"Oh, that. Um….BLAST THEM!" Droid Captain panicked. They were wiping out by them. More droids come to them, but they were cut down to bits.

"Sirs, we lost the main units." Operator said which made Gunray panicked.

"Seal the doors!" Gunray ordered as the doors closed, but his partner has something to say.

"I don't think that will able to hold."

"Send the Droid Destroyers at once!"

"I don't know about this." She said as Gunray rolls his eyes.

"Seal the blast doors." Gunray ordered again as the Jedi cut down more droids until Chuck decides to plunge his light saber to create hole that cut to steel until Droid Destroyers came in.

"Master, Destroyers." Obi-wan tells his master as Qui-gon stops as the Destroyers open fire with shield on (This is the reference for those who use abuse protect and detect moves on Pokémon battles.)

"It's a stalemate, let's go!" Qui-gon pointed out as they escape until they reach the hanger to see an entire army of battle droids (geez, how much does this things cost?)

"It's invasion army. We to reach to Naboo and warn them."

" Master, you were right about one thing. Peace talks are short."

They sneak away into the transport ships. At the control room, Gunray is wondering that they got them?

"Did we get them?"

"You idiot! They just escape. If they dare to enter one of our trans…"

"Sirs, I'm getting a transmission from the surface." Operator interrupted them as Queen of Naboo hologram appeared.

"So, the Queen herself."

"How lovely to see you?"

"I hope your blockade is finish by now." Blue (or Green as you wish) has called to wonder that blockade is done and hoping that the Chancellor's Jedi has finish the job.

"What Blockade? I'm still here, ain't I?" Gunray sarcastic jokily until his partner punches him in the stomach.

"What you want?"

"I hope the two Jedi were sent to settle a peace terms."

"What Jedi? We are unaware of that? You're mistaken."

"I'm tired of this blockade. I want to buy Alderaan dresses. They are so nice and pretty. It's not only cost my people to suffer some economic business, I want to buy something because I brought some Corellian perfume. It's hard to…" Padme whines until they cut the transmission. And the Invasion has begun. The Jedi whom sneaked in one of the landing craft and they reach an underwater city full of gungans. They talked with the chief for a transport to get to the capital. They arrive on the city, but it's too late. The droid forces were already taken the city and holding the queen hostage.

"I won't tolerate this!"

"Now, now! Look, just sign our treaty so we can have peace without having a fight."

"That's not what I have in mind."

"You got two choices either sign it or your people suffer?"

"If I sign….."

"You will surrender all our planet resources to us and make you to nobody."

"Well…" Padme thinking, but that will take time until Gunray's partner has other plans as well.

"It's best to make her suffer so we can progress this faster." Gunray's Partner pointed out to make Padme to sign the treaty.

"Good idea! Captain #2!" Gunray said as he orders one of the battle droids.

"#2: Yes, sir?"

"Process them!"

"#2: Private, take them to camp 4." The droid captain orders the guard to take them to the camp to much surprise to Padme.

"Wait, I wanted to say something!" Padme protested as they took her away with her guards, the Jedi save them and they escapes from the Trade Federation and the big moment where our R2D2 comes along when the ship they are on is under attack. The little droids are here to help which all but one are killed.

"Oh, man I don't want to die! Come on!" R2 (which played by Diamond or Dia if you wish in exchange that he wanted food as his paycheck instead of cash which I don't know why.) The ship's power is restored. After that ordeal, they decided to land because a hyperdrive is leak and lost power on the planet of Tatooine. On the a certain Trade Federation ship….

"So, did she sign the treaty?" Lady Sidious wanted to know that everything was according to plan which Gunray bears the bad news.

"Heh heh, well, you see…she…."

"She escaped." Gunray's partner said it which Sidious remained calm until…..

"…..YOU MINDLESS IDIOTS! Don't you know how hard to come up with a plan like that? It took me years to come up with a plan? I'm not to let you mess this one up!"

"But she's out of our range."

"not for the SITH!"

Appears Darth Maul (Yes it is played by Archie, imagine Darth Maul in his Guile Armor…)

"Let me present you, Darth Archie. He will find your lost ship." Sidious presents Darth Maul as the hologram is off.

"Are we deep shit?"

"No, duh!" Gunray's partner point what trouble they are. While our heroes land on a planet, they go to a certain store where they might find the right parts. They meet the greedy storeowner who sells the parts for planet's currency, not Republic credits. They were about to leave until….

"Hey, mister. I think I can help you." A slave boy named Anakin (played by Red) as he points out the pod-race. But unaware to our heroes, Darth Archie comes as he sends out droids to find them. The pod-race begins and the kid won. They buy the parts and the boy. They go back to the ship until Chuck was attacked by Darth Archie. They narrow escapes from Darth Archie. They reach to Coruscant which politics are mess, but at the Jedi temple….

"I believe this boy is the chosen one." Qui-gon told to the members of the Jedi Council.

"Are you high?" Mace Windu (played by Brock, don't judge me!) wondering why would Qui-Gon is talking about.

"No, why?"

"He's too old. Jedi Code. Look I don't make the rules here. It's was form around a 1000 years ago."

"I fear this boy will cause us trouble someday." Yoda (played by Emerald, yes I got the idea from Pika09 for Emerald as Yoda which I give credit to.) says that one day that the young boy will bring worse then death.

"Well, I will train him." Qui-Gon walks up to Anakin hoping they can understand.

"Are you insane? Train a second is impossible since you already got one." Yoda pointed out.

"Well, Blue is ready for this trials."

"Thank you, master. I'm ready for that." Obi-wan confidently to take on the trials.

"No! Ok, we get things in hand. This is not the time to do so. We need to you to go with the queen to reveal the clues for this attacker. May the force be with you." Mace Windu finishes the meeting. After the heroes return to Naboo, they meet with the Gungans. They are allies now to fight out the Droid forces. Their plan is to capture Will and Karen to give their power. All according to plan until Darth Achie appear. The Jedi began an epic lightsaber battle while Red is on a space battle that he save the day.

At the lightsaber battle, Darth Archie manages to kill Chuck…..

"NOOOOOOO!" Obi-wan shouted that his master is killed by Darth Maul. They duke it out until Blue is hold on a thing in the hole. Darth Archie attempts to make him to drop, but Blue uses his master's light saber and cut Darth Archie in half. He goes to his master…


"Anakin is the chosen. Promise me, you will train him." Qui-Gon dies which everyone is sad about it. After that, Everyone is happy that peace has restored. Or it is?

"If you didn't know, I won the elections. I am Chancellor. I already won." Lady Paplatine known as Darth Sidious has play the conflict to her favor. Since the Queen went to the Capital, She made her to get rid the old chancellor for the elections that won her favor. Here comes the second phase of her plan,

Author's notes: This is more an abridged version do people hates this movie because of plotline. I will make the short version on Episode 2 due everyone hates Episode 1 to 2. But Episode 3 to 6 will have a full plotline.

Updated: Thank God for this short chapter, but it's not over yet. Episode 2 will be quickly be over, but Episode 3 is going to take longer including Original Trilogy.

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