Theatre of parodies

Your beloved Dexholders are acting out in a series of parodies of movies and even parody of the parody in one-shot styles chapters. Cussing and violence warning. Please do review upon reading. There will be laughter, Romance, drama, and randomness.

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3. Die Hard

Author's Notes: It all did in amount of 4 hours. It's hard to do a parody, but reedits will done over the days. This parody was unprofitable and everything was owned by their respective owners.

Updated: Used to be chat-based style of writing. It was converted to true writing system.

DIE HARD Abridged

In a airplane, showing two guys. One with golden eyes and ruff messy hair and other is just plain worker.

"First time?" Worker asked someone next to him.

"What?" Gold asked to the worker next to him with confused look.

"Don't worry, you will get use it." Worker said as The plane lands and the ruff individual gets his bag, but the worker sees a gun on him.

"Oh, relax guy. I'm a cop. I already been this already." Gold said when he taken his bag down.

"Ah. What you're here for?" Worker wondered that he is here on the first place.

"Oh, meeting someone." As Gold grabs a huge Pokémon doll and walks away. He enters the terminal. He spots someone in the distance with his name on it.

"So, you're my ride, huh?" Gold asked the Limo Driver, played by no other than Republic Empire himself.

"Yep. I hope the job pays well since I got nothing else to do. What's with the doll?" Republic Empire as he gets Gold into his Limo.

"Oh, for someone I like."

"Someone who I ask?"

"The one who sent you to get me."

"Ah. I see. OK, let's get going." Republic Empire gets the Limo going as They darts out. We move to the building named Earl Academy Administration. We get to see Crystal in her office clothes.

"Thank you for calling Earl Academy." As Crystal puts the phone down as Earl comes in.

"Crystal!" Earl greeted Crystal.

"Mr. Earl."

"You are going to the Christmas party?" Earl asked.

"Oh, yes. But I'm waiting for certain somebody that I invited." Crystal sighs when she puts the papers in the desk.

"OH, it is a boyfriend?" Earl asks to Crystal as she blushes.

"No, sir. I mean he's a friend. That's all."

"Ok, then." As Earl leaves and Crystal looks at the picture of a dashing cop with golden eyes. She puts it down. Meanwhile…..

I mean Christmas should be joy for everyone. Not just material crap." Republic Empire rambles on as they got to the Tower.

"I get the point." Gold replied in a annoyed tone.

"SO, you're going to a party and get it down?"

"Yep."

"So, she's your girlfriend?"

"If she wanted too, then yes."

"Since when that I may ask? Oh, that explains the doll, eh?"

"It just her job and stuff. But sometimes she's so bossy and strict, maybe I should help her to chill out."

"Uh, huh. Good luck with that. Geez, I wanted to do Amadeus parody with Red and Green, but oh well that cannot make me retire, eh?" Republic Empire finishes as Gold exits the Limo as soon he entered the building. He pushed the buttons on the elevator to reach the floor. When the doors open, everyone was partying. He searches the room. He spots Crystal.

"Super Serious Gal!" Gold shouted in joy which Crystal didn't happy to see him at all.

"Gold, don't call me that." Crystal scolds Gold for that nickname.

"What? This is a party. Lighten up."

"SO!" Crystal said when Earl comes to them.

"So Crystal, is this your boyfriend you mentioned?" Earl asks Crystal wondering that the Golden Eye boy is her boyfriend.

"Sir, he's not. He's just a friend. And yes, his name is Gold. He's a police officer of New Bark Town." As Crystal shows and introduces Gold to her boss in a worried tone.

"Nice to meet you, Officer Gold." As Earl shakes hand with Gold.

"It's nothing sir. I'm just doing my job. Hopefully, I will able to save a damsel in distress. Namely, her if she wants too." As Gold looks at Crystal while she glares at Gold.

"Anyways, I am here to drop this off." Gold shows the Pokédoll to her.

"Oh, it seems that he has a thing for you, eh?" Earl nudges at Crystal.

"sir, can we talk in private."

"Of course."

They both leave as Earl wondering what's going on between them.

"I got this feeling that they like each other." Earl wondered as meanwhile at ground floor, showing two individuals which one with glasses walks at the desk as the Security Guard looks at them.

"So, this guy with a slowbro says to the guy with a oddish that Ice his….." as Lorelei killed the security guard at point blank range.

"Cap." Lorelei takes over the desk as another individual gets the radio.

"Ok, we're in." Sapphire said to the radio while Lorelei works on the computer.

"Let's see here. I got everything in my hands now." as she taken control of the entire building. At the basement parking lot, a van comes there while a limo is there unnoticed. In the limo, Republic Empire is playing Pokemon soulsilver on the Nintendo DS.

"Oooh, I want that squirte! I want to trade it. But do I have to beat Red first. Humandamnit" Republic Empire curses out. The Van reveals a large group of men including a redhead comes out. Back in the party….

"Gold, why you insist saying I'm your girlfriend?" Crystal said angrily while Gold is wearing a Tank top with pants and his shoes.

"Oh, come on. I like you since I met you. I mean you're hottest girl I ever met." Gold grins when he said that.

"Since High School. Look, Gold. I have a life now. You can't expect for our relationship to bloom out of nowhere."

"Relax, Super Serious Gal."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Why?"

"It's annoying when you call me that."

"That's how you are. Serious, strict, and proper you are. Can you be at least be playful for once?"

"Yeah, for someone who drop out of high school. I went to college unlike you."

"For four years."

"Argh, you're so immature." Crystal yelled at Gold when suddenly, two random couple barge in.

"sorry. We just leave now." As they left.

"I got to go. Mr. Earl is going to present his speech." as Crystal was able to leave.

"Hey." Gold grabs her wrist which Crystal halts.

"Can I crash in your place? I got nowhere to go since I am going to be here for couple of days." Gold asked Crystal wondering he has nowhere to go.

"Ok if you insist." As Crystal leaves Gold alone by himself as he took off his shoes and socks.

" Ok man. Pull yourself together. You're one sexy dude who had a crush on beautiful smartest girl he has ever met." As He looks at the mirror. At the main party floor as Earl is about to make his speech.

"Everyone, please!" Earl tries to get everyone quiet.

"I am pleased that our academy has reach to Unova for benefit of children for education." As Earl hears the clapping from the audience and Earl continues his speech.

"It is a proud for all of this due the efforts that our member of our staff, Crystal who started her work since her college helping the academy when it was nothing. Now, we thank her to help our academy." During Earl was in his speech until the elevator doors revealing gunman starting firing at the crowd which spark a panic along the party. While Gold…

"Man, I need some new shoes." As Gold muses until gunfire is heard outside the door which surprises Gold.

"What the hell is that?" Gold peeks over the door seeing the carnage, Gold sneaks away from the incident. At the main room, the redhead appears.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, relax. We don't want to create a problem. I'm part of the New World Organization. We are here to destroy this academy because it has brainwash children to do the capitalist's slavery work. I'm here for man named, Earl. Earl, age 40, a man who hopes for his dreams to come true is a lie." Lance walks around to find Earl. Earl tenses himself while Crystal restrains him.

"Also rise from Elite family, and…"

"I'm the one you want." Earl stands up.

"Sir!" Crystal tries to get Earl down.

"Married with 4 kids and 8 grandkids? Take him. I need some of you to guard the prisoners." As Lance orders his men to grab him. They went off with Earl while the others remain with gunpoint. The elevator goes up while Lance whistle.

"Nice suit. I got that from the same designer in 6 pairs." Lance said when he looked at Earl's suit. They reach to the floor they are while Gold is nearby watching with his gun ready following them.

"I'm not exploiting children for capitalists." Earl explains what his academy does, but Lance has other plans.

"Oh, I'm not here for that." Lance reveals his gun to Earl's head while he sits down.

"No, I just want your money that your academy made. Your academy happens to one of the richest private academies in the world. So, give us the code."

"It's only one code I can know. You need the board of directors to get the door unlock."

"I don't you think you understand what I mean." Lance is getting impatient while he puts the gun barrel to Earl's head while Gold is watching.

"Give us the code." Lance cocks the pistol.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Earl told to Lance which the lock needs 5 codes.

"Told you." As Lorelei stands next to Lance as she holds a laptop.

"For the last time, give us the code!" Lance is getting tired from this.

"I'm afraid you have to kill me." Earl bluffs hoping he will be spared.

"Ok, then." Lance shoots Earl. Gold is shocked to see that.

"We have to do this the hard way. Hmm?" Lance notices someone left the room.

"Send someone to find this person." Lance ordered one of the men to look for Gold. Gold is in panic mode hiding in the upper floors.

"Oh, Shit! What I do? I let this poor man die? Idiot! I should barge in when I have the chance. Ok, Gold think! What I do?" Gold sees a fire holster in the ceiling.

"I got an idea." He sets the fire holster to start. Moments later, he spots something in the distance.

"The Cavalry has just arrived." Gold cheered, but they turn away.

"Ah, Damnit!" Gold cursed. It gets worse when someone comes in.

"Hello?" Ruby wonders that anybody in that room as he walks into the room with a SMG.

"Crap!" as Gold hides.

"So, who start the fire in here?" As he carried his SMG except wearing a nice suit or whatever he is wearing.

"Anyone? Good, I need alone time. So, what clothes I should get for once we get the money? Hmm? I should get Sapphire a cute dress. Hoping she will like despite she is s brute and uncivilized." Ruby said while Gold is right behind him as he tackles him which all the way to the stairs. It results Ruby's death.

"NOOO! Why did you do that?!" as Ruby fangirls are at the set with pitchforks and torches.

"Get them out of there! Back to the story." Republic Empire on his director's seat with his Clone troopers armed with assault rifles. They take them out of the set even they have use force to get them out. Back to the story, Gold takes out Ruby's shoes.

"1 billion terrorists that none of them has my shoe size. Bummer. It seems " Gold frowns when he takes the bag and the SMG. Back on the main floor, a elevator door opens reveal Ruby's dead body. Somebody has to scream. Lance and the others come to the body. There's a note on it.

"Now, I have the machine gun. Ho Ho HO. P.S. You suck." Wise guy, huh?" Lance reads the paper on Ruby's dead body.

"Sir, what about…." One of the Henchmen asked.

"Oh, she will not like this. Wait a sec, he was carrying the detonators? Blast it!" Lance muses while on the top of the elevator, Gold is overheard them while he has a marker with him.

"Lance, what about the sapphire hears this?" One of the Henchmen worried that Sapphire will be pissed beyond anyone can face.

"Don't worry about that. Some security guard is lucky to take Ruby out somehow?" Lance responds, but unknowingly that Gold is atop of the elevator.

"So, you're lance, huh? I will call you Hans for now." Gold writes down the names on the terrorists. Later…..

"I want kill the guy who kill my dear Ruby!" Sapphire shouted in anger. Now she is upset that Ruby is dead.

" Not yet, until we get the detonators back." Lance tries to calm down Sapphire to do with something. He let's go of Sapphire.

"We need some time. Get two of our guys to get the detonators back." As they left Lance alone. Lance spots Crystal.

"You!"

"Me?"

"Take her."

"What? Let go of me."

"Tell me, what you know about this building?"

"I'm just one Earl's workers here."

"I see, Miss…."

"Crystal Kotone."

"As you wish." They put her back where she was. At the roof, Gold has a radio on his hand.

"Ok, time to call help." Gold radios in. It reaches to the nearest police station.

"Hello, can I help you?" Police Officer responds Gold's radio.

"Yeah, we got a terrorist takeover in Earl's Administration building."

"sir, this is a reserve channel for emergency only."

"Dude, do I look I'm ordering pizza? Normally, I would. But beside the point, it's a terrorist attac….."

Bang which showing a group of gunman firing at Gold. Gold runs away from them.

"Damnit!" As he runs away, Sapphire holding a AUG rifle opens fire at Gold. But he narrows escapes. He walks to a huge vent as he jumps despite losing his smg in the process. He lights the lighter.

"Yeah, Life does suck. I know what TV dinner feels like." As Gold goes to the vent shafts and back on the main room.

" You what?" Lance asked in shocked.

"He escapes from us. It seems he's clever than we thought." Sapphire tells to Lance who failed to kill him.

"That's odd for a security guard?" Lance amazed that one security can defeat one of their men.

"Yo!" Gold radioed which Lance hears this.

"Who is this?"

"Oh, checking on your failure."

"Look, security man. I don't know who you are? You must have your childhood watching cowboys or some kind samurai films that can kill my men and foil my plans?"

"Yeah, Hans."

"My name is Lance!"

"I will call you Hans for now!"

"You will surrender the detonators to us and we will let you go."

"In your dreams, mother&^%*ers." Gold finishes his sentence as he steps into the door.

"He's a threat than I thought. But he will help us in our plans." Lance is worrying that he might ruin his whole plan.

"Why?" Sapphire asked.

"I need someone to lure the police. Lorelei, how's your progress?" Lance radioed Lorelei, whom she at the vault….

" Hitting door number 2, third and fourth will be a problem except for number five." As she working on the doors to hack in. On the main floor

"Good. Now, to sprang my trap."

At a store, a red-head police officer getting and buying donuts.

" So, who's donuts for?" the storeowner asked wondering why he's buying so many donuts.

"For my co-workers." Silver said in a annoyed tone.

"Nice."

"Don't be."

"It will be 30 bucks." Storeowner shows the number on the cashier which Silver shows the money.

"Keep the change."

"Thanks." Storeowner thanks the officer as Silver walks to his car, radio is on.

"Any officer near the Earl's Administation building responds over…" the radio cracking which Silver grabs it.

"Officer Silver, reporting."

"We have a strange message about a possible prank, go check it out."

"Ok. A wild goose chase, huh?" Silver sarcastic goes to the building. When he reaches there, he steps out of the car.

"What's going on here?" Silver asked that might what the hell is going on here. He has other things to do. The Disguise Henchman looks at Silver.

"SO, nothing is wrong. It's just a party on the 56th floor."

" I was told there was a prank call."

"That must be caused by one of the drunken fellows."

"Thank you for your time." Which Silver goes back to the car. On one of the top floors, he was watched by someone.

"Man, it could be worse." Gold wondered himself until gunfire is heard and they have a big fight. 5 minutes later…..

"There's nothing going on he….." Silver radios in until a deadbody hit his car.

"Nevermind! There is something going one!"

"Welcome to the club, pal!" Gold sarcastic yells. Lance's henchmen attacks Silver's car. But Silver is safe for.

"Damnit! What the hell was that?"

"Hello, is anyone there?"

"Who the hell is this?"

"I'm the guy in the inside."

"Are you a cop or something?"

"Maybe…."

"What I call you?"

"Ethan"

"Ok, "Ethan. What you got?"

"They got military hardware and got hostages."

"How many are there?"

"There are about 18 of them. They are mostly European guys except for their leader, his second in command, and a hot sexy nerd chick. Yeah, that's it."

"Ok, just keep us in touch."

"Got it." Gold turns off the radio. Soon the entire police came. Lance's men were ready for them until later on…

"I have to stop them. Here we go." Gold has a chair full of charges that bombed the entire floor. Keeping Lance's anti-armor unit composes of three guys.

"This guy is a plain in my butt." Lance curses until one of the hostages come in.

"Hey, I got information in exchange for our release." Eusine who happen to be a jerk.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Look, this guy is ruining your plans. I hope we can cut a deal." Eusine tries to cut a deal with Lance. Back to Gold's hiding place.

"Man, it can't worse from this."

"So, Gold Hibiki of New Bark Town?"

"Ah, crap."

"I'm here with your friend, Eusine." Lance hands over the radio to Eusine.

"Hey, Gold. Buddy, look stop of this nonsense and they will let us go."

"Dude, I'm not your buddy. They are not planning to let you and will possible kill you."

"Oh, come on. How possibly they can…."

Bam! It killed Eusine at point blank range. Lance takes the radio.

"That plan will not work. Mr. Hibiki, If you don't give us the detonators, we will kill everyone in there."

"I don't think you have the balls to do it."

"Oh I will." Lance turns off the Radio.

"I am going to check the explosives." As Lance goes to the place where the explosives are until he was surprised by Gold.

"Hey!"

"Ah! Help, I'm one of the hostages." Lance changes his tone to prevent his identity reveal.

"Ok, I trust you. What's your name?" as Gold is stupid enough to fall for that. Lance decided to come up with a name to lie to him.

"Wataru." Lance answers which Gold looks at the names on the board (that appears without reason)

"Oh, that's nice to meet you. Here to defend yourself." Gold hands Lance a pistol.

"Oh, thank you." Lance crocks the weapon to Gold.

"Oh, I get it. You're Hans."

"My name is Lance. You love to call people with nicknames, do you?"

"I was a highschool dropout? I have a habit to call people I don't know"

"Nice." Lance dumbfound that the weapon clicks.

"Oh, I kind of take them out before I give it to you." Gold told to Lance until Sapphire appear with her AUG rifle.

"GET HIM!" Sapphire shouted with men following her.

"Oh, boy!" Gold runs with his life. They open fire at him while he runs away from them. Gold was able to take two of the four down. Lance told Sapphire to shoot the glass. But when they reach to his hiding place, he was gone except for bloodstains. But they found the detonators and go back to the room.

"We got them." Lance cheered which made Crystal looked distressed, but notices Sapphire is angry as she smashes a piece of furniture into two.

"What got her mad?" one of the workers asked to Crystal.

"Well, there's only one can." Crystal smiled and glad that Gold is still alive, but worried about his safety as well. Meanwhile, Gold found a place to be healed.

"Ah! Damnit! I shouldn't stick to my shoes when I have the chance." As Gold took them out one by one which it was very painful to do.

"Gold, are you ok?" Silver worried that "Ethan" is fine or not.

"Yeah, I'm &*^%atastic. Nothing with gumdrops and Ice cream."

"Sounds you have a hard time."

"Tell me about it."

"I got something to say."

"If something like shooting a kid by accident, I understand."

" Well, no. I shoot my father by accident."

"Wait, what?"

"My father was part of a organization which he was a leader of the group. I was part of the raid which I shoot him by accident."

"Dude, that's deep."

"I never forgive myself for that. I never fire my weapon again."

"It seems so." Gold finishes his talk with officer Silver. On the ground, two FBI agents arrive….

"This is agent Johnson. I'm also Agent Johnson, but no relations." One of the Agents said as they come to Silver.

"I see." Silver wonder why they got same last names.

"What we got?"

"We got terrorist takeoever."

"Ok, we to have cut off the power."

"Um, can we let Gold, the man inside can take care of them?"

"Nonsense, cut off the power." They force to cut the power to the building. At the vault….

"Damn, the fifth door." Lorelei hits the laptop. Suddenly the power went out and the door opens much to her amazement.

"Speak of King Minas?" Lorelei wondered that work until Lance came in.

"Good, get them package." As Lance returns to the room and signals the henchmen.

"Bring the girl." Lance orders to grab Crystal.

"Hey!" as they bring Crystal to Lance.

"So, what you know of this place really is?" Lance asked to Crystal.

"We hold school records and…"

"More than that….." Lance was about to continue until the TV news interrupts them.

"We bring this new report from students from Violet Earl's academy with our reporter."

"Sadly, the girl who used to work here happens to be one of the hostages in this terrorist takeoever. Little girl, what you say about this?"

"Big Sister, will your boyfriend come and save you?" as the Girl sadly replied as on the room surprises Lance.

"What?" Lance shocked as he notices the picture fame on the desk and reveals to be Gold himself.

"Miss Crystal Kotone seems to know Gold Hibiki or I rather say for your future husband, Mrs. Hibiki.

"He's not my boyfriend. And we are not in a relationship!" Crystal shouts as she blushes.

"We will see. Take her." Lance orders his henchmen to take Crystal to the Vaults.

"Let go of me!" Crystal demanded to be release she struggles to be free. On the room where the explosives are which Gold found them.

"So, that's their plan. I got stop this before….." Gold was shocked to see that until A gun is pointed at his head.

"Normally, I will do this professional. Since you kill prissy boy, this is personal." Sapphire holds the AUG at his head in point blank range.

"Wow, you really like showy dude?"

"Normally, I scorn him. Now, he's gone. I will enjoy your death."

"Normally, I don't hurt girls. But I got no other choice." Gold remarked as they started their fight until he knock her out unconscious.

"Damn, that girl is strong." Gold admired her strength. On the main room

"Send every hostage to the roof." Lance orders his henchmen to finish the job. They send everyone up to the roof and at the Vault which they are taking everything.

"A Robby? You're nothing, but a coward." Crystal stated her opinion which made Lance upset.

"It's much better if you keep your mouth shut as you are my bait for your boyfriend cop."

"For the last time, he's not my boyfriend. He happens to be my crush that I want to sleep with." Crystal grasp when she said it.

"Now that's getting interesting." Lance smiles to realize her shocked. On the roof, Gold was able to take out the last of Lance's henchmen.

"Everyone get off the roof!" which no one listens to him.

"Ok, here I go!" Gold fires crazy to get their attention as they run with their lives. But he spots the FBI helicopter.

"Oh, no." Gold was not pleased to see that.

"Game over!" One of the agents holding a sniper rifle.

"Run!" Gold runs for the ledge with the firehose around him as he jumps. Suddenly, the roof exploded which destroyed the FBI helicopter. Gold gets to the main room floor as he breaks the window open and unwraps the firehose around him. On the basement parking lot, Lorelei is finishing her last touches while Republic Empire is watching her due of the DS battery died.

"What I see here?" Republic Empire opens the door and walks up to her.

"Hello?" Republic Empire tries to be slick to her.

"Who the hell are you?" Lorelei is annoyed by his presence.

"Relax, I am just curious why a pretty like you during in these late hours?"

"I got no time for guys like you." as she is busying working until the radio has to spill the beans.

"Lorelei, the robby is almost done….." Before she can react, Republic Empire knock her down.

"Why do hot chicks have to be evil sometimes?" Republic Empire sadly that he will never get a girlfriend. Near the vault….

"Ok, I got this." As Gold takes off his bloodied shirt revealing his abs…..

"We love you! And We want it!" as the Gold fangirls barge into the set. That made Republic Empire very set to see that.

"For all pure things in this world, get them the &^%$ out of here! Now, back to the plot." Republic Empire shouted as he order the Clone troopers to get them out of there. Back to the Main story.

"HANS!" Gold yells which Lance turns around to see Gold walking with a SMG, but Lance has Crystal in his arm with gun pointed at her head. Other two guys are pointing guns at him. Gold drops the SMG.

"A Robby, eh? You couldn't get the police sooner than it was."

"True, but where's the fun in that? I'm afraid it's game over now. What was the phase you one mock me. Oh, yeah. In your dreams, mother&(^%." Lance answer to Gold what he said to him in the radio before. Gold just laughs while following Lance and his henchmen laughs until Gold has a hidden gun behind his back to take out the two guys. Crystal kicks Lance in the stomach. Soon, they are in the window's ledge as Gold comes to save Crystal. Lance regains his posture to kill them, but they prevent which results his death. They appear out of the building. Silver appear before them.

"I have worse night ever." Gold sarcastic said with help of Crystal.

"It could be worse. Who is this?" Silver asked as he point out to Crystal.

"Oh, meet Crystal Kotone."

"Gold's girlfriend." Crystal answered which Gold was surprise hear Crystal's remarks. Among the crowd until…

"I finally got you!" Sapphire appear among the crowd with his AUG ready until she was taken down. BY Silver himself.

"That was pretty cool and badass." Gold congrats to Silver.

"Thanks." Silver thanks to Gold until the news reporter came in.

"Miss Crystal, Can I have a few words with….." the reporter was about to ask her when she kicks him in the balls.

"That's my girl." Gold cheered which made Crystal blush so hard that it was tomato red. The Limo arrives to pick out our couple.

" Hey, who needs a ride?" Republic Empire glees with the Christmas music on as both Gold and Crystal are making out as the Limo drives away.

"Ok, love birds. Time for Christmas at last. Merry Christmas to all. Enjoy it with your family. Hell, I'm seeing the Hobbit with my family on that day!" Republic Empire screams for joy.

Updated Notes: It took me two days to reedit this and convert it into this version. I hope It pleases everyone who read this. The Star Wars saga one will be a long reedit, so wait for it to be updated.

 
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