Tell me a lie

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1. Remembering him.

October 4th, 2013

It was 3 years from this day that I lost the only thing that I could truly say I loved. Him. Remembering him always brough a rush of sadness. I missed him and the pain of loving someone that could never love you back was heartbreaking. Maybe everything was supposed to be this way and somehow it would all work out. But why. Why did Harry have to leave this world so young. Why did Harry have to leave right at the time that I was starting to love myself the way that he loved me. Why.

It was October 4th, 2010 (my birthday) Harry and I were on our way back from eating at my favorite cafe right along the rode. I remember us laughing and kissing and him telling me how lucky he was to have such a special girl like me. Here comes the tears again. No matter how many times I've told the story of how he passed away, I can never even slighty get over the fact that I could have prevented his death if I were to get up and move him out of the road before the semi truck came. We could have still been happy. We could have still been together. As we were walking out of the cafe, hand in hand, Harry thought that he left his wallet in the cafe, so he went to go check. It took a few moments so I sat on the side of the road and waited. A few minutes later he walked out and as soon as our eyes met, he gave me a huge smile with his dimples showing and all. He did that cute smile everytime we looked at eachother. I would have treasured that particular smile even more if I had known it would be the last one that I would see. As he was coming down to sit with me, he slipped and landed face first, halfway in the road. I immeditetly got up, but it was too late. Harry had hit his head so hard that he blacked out. A semi truck came and crushed his skull. Do you think this sounds horrible? Think how I felt, I'm his Fiance'! I had to witness my only loves death.

Depression and suicidal thoughts soon came my way that night. There was no way in hell I'd get over that tragity. It was hardly even believable that he would just happen to fall, and the semi truck just happened to be there, and just happened to not stop. I didn't want to live with that constant reminder that he would be forever gone. I tried many times to end it. On my clinic card it says about 23. Most times were for over dosing on pills. Once I tried to hang myself, and the others were either cutting or attempting to choke my self. All didn't work out. As of now, I'm in a hospital bed writing away. They say I'll be here for months at a time. They know that I'm suicidal and they know I have no worry of dying. That's why I'm here. I don't have the energy anymore to walk, or eat, or ever get up for the moments that it takes to pee. So now I'll tell you the story of me and Harry. Remebering him.

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