From yours forever to the lightening bolt


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24. Chapter Twenty Four

After more than a week of knowing how much he'd hurt me Shekhar finally apologized! I did forgive him, I didn't just say it I meant it. But I knew that in order to actually forgive him I needed to tell him everything and take it all out of my head. Since the exams were hardly a week away I decided to wait until they got over and then tell him about it a little later on my birthday. I knew I couldn't tell him about it in school because of many reasons. First thing was that we wouldn't get enough time, then the teachers and most of all I knew there was a chance either of us would have a break down and I couldn't let that happen in school. 

Shekhar knew I was keeping things, and he also knew that I meant it for his own good. But keeping it all to myself was breaking me down and it was killing, I used to stay up all night and then I used to end up waking up early every morning, all the time there was just one thing on my mind. I had to fix it all and fix it soon. I didn't feel like eating and nothing made me happy, nothing at all and in just a day or two everyone could see it, the teachers, my classmates, my parents, all of them. 

When I told Shekhar that I'd tell him all about it on my birthday, he got very upset at first. He tried to talk me out of it and he tried pretty hard but I was determined. 

In the coming days things got much worse. I was trying to handle my boyfriend his best friend and all his problems for him. I never minded handling all of it, I was never the kind to run away from responsibility, in fact I was always attracted towards it. But what hurt me was that I'd spent more than a week on trying to make Shekhar understand but none of it was working! And that showed every time I spoke to him. I'd loose my cool very soon, and I was always rude, cold and curt from then on. It wasn't something I choose to be, I just couldn't help it ! 

The very next day after telling Shekhar that I'd tell him everything on my birthday, things got a zillion times worse!! My chemistry teacher had started the mocking too and this time both the physics and the chemistry teacher had warned me indirectly about talking to my parents. That was when I realized that what I was doing was very wrong. I shouldn't have kept everything from Shekhar, since it was his life he had the right to know all of it ! and if he didn't know the problem completely how could I ever expect him to find an appropriate solution! 

That weekend was a long holiday, we had an off on saturday and monday as well. I asked Shekhar to meet me, he said he'd try but he wasn't sure. There were two things I said then, one was that I'd never loved anyone more than him, but I'd never regretted loving anyone that much either! and the second was that this weekend might be the last time we meet this way. We both knew that was coming, I wonder if he was as afraid of it as I was though.

Everyone and most of all mom, always told me that all I could do was show him the light and if he still remained in the dark it was his choice and they also kept on reminding me that if he didn't see the light I couldn't blame myself for it.

The bad part? Deep down I knew that was going to happen, but I was too afraid to accept it. 

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