From yours forever to the lightening bolt


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37. Chapter Thirty Seven

Chrtismas, was just like my birthday, I hoped for something good but nothing ever happened, I was more broken though, Shekhar had told Kartika all about how his mother's tears had made him realize how girl friends and best friends were nothing, and his success meant everything to him, about how he'd told Vedant that he was never coming back to me because he had too many problems of his own and he wasn't that strong anymore so he couldn't handle mine, the way he'd told kartika that he liked her cousin but Vedant had forced him to be with me, knowing he was such a coward and such a liar, a person who made up stuff, lied to get okay with people was killing. 

New years passed too, and I'd started to get scared of everyone around, I was afraid they'd all turn out to be like Shekhar, selfish monsters hidden behind friendly masks.

Finally I decided to anchor for my schools annual day, I knew that would affect my academics in a terrible way, but I needed something to look forward to. The night before the annual day, we were still friends on facebook, well just for the sake of it , but then the next day I realized he'd unfriended me. The fact that he had burnt and that now he was finally actually feeling guilty did comfort me slightly, but  I decided it was high time to do something I wanted to since a long time. 

I typed a message about how he was never the one to solve my problems, he did comfort me through some of them but that was it, and after I was sure I'd taken out all my frustration, I sent the message to him and blocked him.

In the beginning it did brake me down slightly, whenever I used to feel lonely I knew he could make that go away, but now we were just strangers, and most of the time he'd avoid even walking past me. 

Maybe a part of me hoped he'd call or text just to reply to the message I'd sent him. but that never happened.

Things got bad between me and Natasha as well, she didn't like the way I spent time with Vedant and Pawan and Jessie. One day we had a horrible fight, and she said the same things Shekhar had. She said she had her own problems and she couldn't handle mine any longer. Yes, we settled that fight,yes I was the one to give up on the fight first because I knew she had an ego problem. But after that day I rarely told her about my problems. 

I was scared of humans, scared and disgusted by their selfishness. I had horrible trust issues, and I could never completely rely on anyone, specially after the fight with Natasha. And so it was just like learning swimming, rare times I was happy and afloat and most of the times I was drowning deep down in gloom, searching for a reason to go on through the loneliness . 

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