DanIsNotOnFire Has My Heart On Fire

Skye is your average girl, bubbly, fun and has that one big crush. Not Harry Styles, not Josh hutcherson, but a boy who used to live around the corner from her, but barely knows her. Dan Howell, aka Danisnotonfire.

I'm going to have to put this story up to a higher rating for such adult themes- I hope you don't mind! Also I just want to say that self harm is NEVER an answer. Although here I describe it as a great release for Skye it won't make your problems go away. In fact it will only make your problems worse. So please guys- find healthier ways to deal with emotions. Thanks for reading!


31. Panic Attack

I sat on the bathroom floor and cried.

And cried.

And cried.

I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly; as if I dared not let go.

As a headache brewed in my head I rested my forehead on my knees and tried to sort out my thoughts; but everything was such a blur.

None of this can be true.

This can't happen.

How did this happen?

I don't know.

I don't know anymore!

Putting my hands down flat on the floor I proceeded to push myself up slowly. My head did a turn for the worst so I grabbed on to the sink and held on for dear life.

Slowly I lifted my head to look at my reflection.

My tear-stained, bright red, ill looking reflection.

As soon as I saw the image standing before me all emotion came flooding out more than ever before.

I could feel a panic attack coming on. When I was younger I was prone to these but hadn't had one in years.

My breathing became short and quick and my body shook violently. My head felt very light and my vision was blurring.

As expected from previous experience my muscles finally gave way from lack of oxygen and I fell to the floor with a loud thud.

I clutched my stomach and tried to calm down my breathing but it wasn't working.

"SKYE?!" came a voice behind the bathroom door; banging loudly on the frame. It was Dan.

My oblivious, unknowing Daniel.

My breathing continued to go on rapidly and I felt like I was fading from the world.

The door burst open and Dan shot down on to the floor by my side. He held my face in his hands and made me look in to his eyes.

"Skye, I need you to calm down for me. Keep looking at me Skye and focus on your breathing"

Finding myself drowning in his eyes I put all my willpower in to stabilising my breathing.

My breathing soon slowed down and was becoming a normal speed again. Dan moved so he could pull me in to his arms and stroked my hair.

"It's okay Skye; you're okay. I'm here"

I sniffed and buried my head in to his toned chest. I inhaled the smell of his hoodie and wished all my problems away.

But they weren't going to go away.

After what felt like forever Dan leaned me up against the wall and got up.

"I'm going to get you some water"

I whimpered in reluctance but he pressed his index finger to my lips."I won't be long, I promise"

Dan left the bathroom and I willed myself not to cry again. I needed to tell him; he needed to know.

Not long after he came back I felt a knot of guilt prominent inside of me. But rather than sitting down with me he leaned down and scooped me up in his arms. He carried me in to our bedroom and fragilely placed me on the bed leaning against the head board.

He sat on the side next to me and received a cup of water from the bedside table. He swung an arm around my shoulders whilst holding the cup to my lips. I drank the water greedily until it was all gone.

"You need to sleep, you're exhausted" he said calmly and helped me lie down on the bed.

"We'll discuss what happened when you wake up. In the mean time, please...Just sleep"

As soon as his arms enveloped around me I knew I was safe.

And as soon as my head hit that pillow I realised how physically and emotionally exhausted I was.

I placed one hand on my stomach and one on the bed as I rested.

But I knew I would have to face the facts eventually.

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