DanIsNotOnFire Has My Heart On Fire

Skye is your average girl, bubbly, fun and has that one big crush. Not Harry Styles, not Josh hutcherson, but a boy who used to live around the corner from her, but barely knows her. Dan Howell, aka Danisnotonfire.

I'm going to have to put this story up to a higher rating for such adult themes- I hope you don't mind! Also I just want to say that self harm is NEVER an answer. Although here I describe it as a great release for Skye it won't make your problems go away. In fact it will only make your problems worse. So please guys- find healthier ways to deal with emotions. Thanks for reading!


14. Dan the Doughnut

After I had finished the lovely late breakfast Phil kindly made for me we sat down and had a talk. Dan was still in his bedroom in a mood and both me and Phil decided to leave him to it until he was ready to come out and face us.

"So Skye- Do you feel you'll be able to go back home?" Phil asked me concerned.

I fidgeted with my hands in my lap. "I...I don't think I can do it Phil. I don't think I can handle living alone for a while. Before I loved being alone, but after last night...I don't think I can handle it yet, I really don't. When I close my eyes all I see is him and every noise I would hear when I'm alone I shall instantly think it is that guy coming back for more..."

"Then how do you feel about living with me and Dan for a while? You're pretty much here all the time anyway!" Phil suggested.

In my mind I wanted nothing more than this, I would hate to be alone now, but I didn't want to be a burden. "No, it's fine, honestly Phil. I don't think Dan would want me here anymore anyway"

Phil brushed off my comment. "Don't be silly! We would both sleep easier at night knowing you aren't alone in the darkness of your house freaking out about the guy without anyone to comfort you. I insist you stay here"

"...Are you sure?" I said uneasy. "I mean. I would love to and I genuinely appreciate your help. I just don't want to intrude and be a total burden that's all"

"You are nowhere near a burden Skye and I mean that. That's it then, you'll live for a while" Phil said smiling.

"Thank you Phil. Thank you so, so, so much! But I need to gather my things if I am to stay here...I can't live in Dan's clothes forever."

"I understand" Phil said laughing. "Would you like me to take you now? I don't want you going alone if you don't feel ready yet. Plus I don't think Mr Moody Pants will be out to offer his services any time soon!"

I laughed for first time that day. "I would like that Phil, thank you for understanding"

"No problem" he said "let's go!"

After Phil called to Dan where we were going (with no response) so he knew where we were disappearing to for a while, we both made our way to Phil's car. I stuck close by Phil the entire time outside; paranoid of the people around me. Phil seemed to sense this so he purposely stayed close to me so he could make me feel like I had a bodyguard.

Eventually we made it to mine after plenty of directions coming from me and I opened up my door. I hesitated in the doorway and Phil looked at me puzzled. I breathed in and asked blushing: "Could you go in first and check there's no...No people?" I stuttered hoping he would get the message. Phil seemed to understand this and nodded. He walked in and looked around downstairs and upstairs just to make me fully reassured. He came trotting back down the stairs. "Nobody is here" he stated factually. I sighed in relief and carried on in to my house shutting the door behind me.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked Phil politely leading him to the living room. "No thank you" he replied. "Okay, well I am going to get my stuff together, feel free to sit here and watch television" I explained to him. "Alright then" he replied and flopped down on to the sofa. I smiled appreciatively and ran up the stairs.

Whilst I was upstairs I heard Phil turn on the television. It sounded like he was watching the children's channel. I laughed to myself- typical Phil.

I went in to the bathroom first and rounded up all day-to-day necessary toiletries. I proceeded to carry them in to my bedroom and dumped them on the bed. I crouched down on my knees to pull out my small floral suitcase from beneath the bed and propped it open on the floor. I secured my toiletries in a little compartment before making my way to my wardrobe and pulling out a few clothes and underwear. Finally, I grabbed some make up, perfume and girly things like that and packed them in to the suitcase. I finally zipped up the suitcase and lifted it up ready to carry downstairs.

Before I made it to the door with my suitcase I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I froze and turned around to stare at myself.

All I felt was disgust and hate. By every moment since the incident I just felt dirtier and dirtier; I didn't feel any dignity or security for myself anymore.

"You disgust me" I whispered to my reflection and stormed out the room with my suitcase in tow. That evil bastard made me feel absolutely worthless.

"You ready to go?" Phil questioned to me; jogging in to the hallway to greet me. I nodded eagerly and he went back to turn off my television before making his way to his car.

Back at Phil and Dan's apartment there were still no signs of Dan. "Listen" I told Phil "I think I am going to go try and sort things with Dan now. He has had enough time to think and calm down". Phil agreed with this and said he would go do some groceries seeing as there was now three of us in the apartment so he could give me and Dan some space. I thanked Phil and made my way to the door of Dan's room.

"Dan?" I called; knocking on his bedroom door.

"...Come in" I heard his voice.

I opened the door slowly and peered around the door frame. Dan was sat on his bed on his laptop. He seemed to be editing a video.

"I'm sorry we fell out earlier. I didn't mean to upset you. But at the end of the day it is my choice and I am sticking to it" I told him; sitting at his side on the bed. Dan stopped what he was doing and turned to face me.

"You have nothing to apologise for" he told me sighing. "It was my fault we fell out. I was a complete dick not respecting your wishes but I just feel so much hatred towards that bastard I want nothing more but for him to pay for what he did"

I stroked Dan's face. "I know you only care and want what's best for me Dan" I said in an understanding voice.

"Really?" he said.

"Really" I replied.

Dan seemed very pleased by this and smiled at me. He then leaned towards me and kissed me softly on the lips.

I kissed Dan back sweetly and hung my arms around his neck. He placed his hands on my back and stroked my hair attentively.

I suddenly pulled back realising what had happened. "Did that really just happen?" I asked in shock.

Dan performed a school boy grin. "It certainly did"

"But we aren't even together...we've only had one date!" I exclaimed.

"We could be together though" Dan smirked and winked at me.

I narrowed my eyes at Dan. "Are you asking me out Mr Howell?"

Dan shrugged. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not". I pushed Dan off the bed and he laughed hysterically. "Of course I am Skye". Whilst he was on the floor he knelt up on one knee; holding my left hand.

"Skye" he paused. "Wait, I never got your surname!"

"Muir" I said between giggles to him.

Dan begun his speech again. "Skye Muir. Will you make me the happiest man alive...and be my girlfriend?"

I laughed and got on my knees beside him. "Of course I will you doughnut"

Dan never replied back. Just took my face in to his hands and kissed my lips.

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