Once upon a time

This is a story about a girl.

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1. The girl

Once upon a time, I knew this girl. She was young, innocent, sweet and caring… She enjoyed playing with her Barbies, her friends, her best friend, actually this girl enjoyed playing, laughing, smiling and talking with almost everyone…

 


The girl was born on a Sunday… Her parents was exited to get this little perfect princess and to really start their family life.. But what they didn’t know was that, this girl was special. She wasn’t like everyone else, or she was in the start. But her mother always had a feeling that her little princess wasn’t like the others… When the little girl was two years old her parents split up. So the little girl moved with her mother. That was when there started coming signs, though they weren’t that oblivious, they were there… The mother met a guy, who she fell in love with and when two people love each other. There sometimes comes a baby, which there did. A boy, so now the little girl had a brother… Sometimes it was fun for the little girl, to be the big one and to have someone to play with… But most of the time, it was very hard for the little girl, she was very jealous, and she blamed it all on the brother, which often ended in fights… a lot of fights.

 

The little girl started kindergarten, where she met two girls that she became friends with, but in the end she felt more like being with the boys, the girls talked about hair and toys, which were fun. But climbing trees and having a secret club won that time, and as one of the “boys” she of course got in a physically fight (more than once). When it was about time to start school, the little girl felt ready and then not ready anyways, because what about everyone she knew? Well, the girl did start school and in the start I guess it went okay for her, she was fighting to find her place in a class with people she didn’t always understand her, and she definitely didn’t always understand them either. She did find a friend, this other girl who got bullied by the boys and the girls. But they stuck together.

 

 

In second grade, the girl started to be with the boys, a lot. She kind of pushed away all the girls to be with the boys. It was simpler and gave less drama than all the girls would have given her.

 

In the summer vacation that year, she met a girl who filled everything in her life for years. They became each other’s everything, this girl was a year younger than the girl. But they became very close, and the girl started shutting out everyone except her new friend, because one very good friend is better than ten “friends”, right? Well that’s how she felt. Then the fights came… Fights with herself, fights with her mom, even with the new friend, and those were the worst. Those girls were each other’s best dream and worst nightmare.

 

At the same time, the bullying in her class got worse, a lot worse. They started calling her fat, weird, a whore, bitch. Then the physically abuse came, and for some years, she fought back, but as she got older… She stared to realize that the world was a cruel place, with no peace. Not for her.

 

In fifth grade, the girl started in school as she always does after the summer vacation, with a twisted thought about everything changing, her being skinny; sun tanned and make a new start for herself. The first day they were told that there would come two new students in their class, a girl and a boy. That day changed a lot for the girl. She started a feud with the new girl. She fell in love with the new boy.

This feud between the girl and the new girl, went on for two very long exhausting years, with ugly rumors, abuse, discussions and both of them going down in this dark whole.

Fifth grade was when it started going fast downhill for the girl, and her mother really noticed there, that her little girl had some inner demons and that she wasn’t like the others. The girl wanted to kill herself, and she told her therapist and her mother several times that she couldn’t do this anymore.  So they went to talk with the doctor to get some help for the girl. But it didn’t work out as they planned… As she got older, things got worse and her problems grew bigger.  She pushed everyone as far away as possible, because her experience taught her that it just hurts too much and that it’s not worth it. She hurt herself first time in sixth grade. She felt like someone was constantly watching her with the intention to either kill or rape her. She didn’t feel safe or home. Not anywhere. She was a wreck; she thought it couldn’t get worse. She was wrong.

 

 In seventh grade… She was really nervous and exited to start school that year, because it was a new class with new teacher and some new students. She started up being with some of her old “friends”, until she became good friends with this girl from their class and three of the boys. She had finally found someone she felt like she could be herself with, but that didn’t stop her mind from getting worse, she became addicted. To cutting and to losing weight, she didn’t sleep well and she started seeing and hearing things. One day, one of the boys from their little “group” and the girl had a misunderstanding which leads to a huge fight that went on for months, where he for an example would comment things like her weight and her cuts. After that the group split in two. The two girls and the boys went each there ways and stopped talking to each other. The two girls bonded a lot after that, they were together every day. It was really nice for the girl to know that she had someone who had her back, no matter how rough things were.

And things became rougher… December that year the mom had to take her little princess to the ER after three hours of staring into a wall, then breaking down completely and considering suicide. When they got there, they had to wait a long time till they could speak with someone, when they did they gave the girl some relax pills she could use at night. Those pills worked for some time, but after a little time they didn’t stop the mess in her head or the voices, they just made her tired. In February the girl started to see a therapist, who didn’t help her much, things kept getting worse. Her addictions got worse, so did the voices. When people called her things, she didn’t fight back. She believed them; she let every single thing get to the deepest of her heart. She lost her self more and more, her world was tumbling down.

In eighth grade, everything started out as it was last year. The girl kept on getting worse, but she still had her best friend and they supported each other. Than the girl started talking with one of the boys in their class and they understood each other and had lots of fun. She fell for him and him for her. He asked if they should be boyfriend/girlfriend and she said yes. But the girl was scared, she was anxious that she would mess it up and loose someone she cared for deeply, and her best friend was scared she would be forgotten so the girl asked him if it was okay that they would wait until she was falling a little less apart cause her feelings for him hadn’t changed, and he said: “Okay, I will wait for you.”, but he didn’t. A week went, where they were flirting, laughing, smiling, talking, texting and he was calling her cute. Then a day the girl was at the doctor so she skipped school, and then she went home to her father’s. Saturday night her best friend called and told her that she and the boy started seeing each other and that broke the girl’s heart. She puked all that night, and stopped eating. Later on that week the girl passed out, because she weren’t eating or drinking. The girl lost a lot of weight. This has been going on for three weeks now. Every day is a struggle for her, and she is close to give up. She is hurt, sad, mad, frustrated, addicted, upset, and heartbroken and she feels guilty and betrayed. Her trust issue has definitely grown bigger. She feels like everything is eating her up from the inside and out. She is out of powers to fight, mentally and physically.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The girl is me.

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