It's Kind of a Coincidence

Bella had a kidney transplant when she was sixteen years old. Two years later, she is able to meet her donor, even if she doesn't really want to. Her donor is Tregory Jones. What Bella wasn't counting on was for him to be a beautiful, just out of his teens, boy with the personality of a god.

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31. The agony.

"Bella." Jess says outside of my room. "Bella, come downstairs, you haven't eaten properly in a week."

"Please, sweetheart, I know it's hard but you've got to stay healthy."

I don't reply. I just walk up to my bedroom door, lock it and go back to bed. I pull the covers up right over my head and stay there in the dark for a while. This has been happening on and off for a week, for a week since Trey died. I have been in my room for the whole time and I have switched between either being in complete agony or being numb.

I know they're right and that I have to just let the agony happen. The pain is there and pushing it down is just going to make it worse when it comes back. For the first time, I let it happen and it hurts. I let myself think of Trey and his eyes and everything we ever did and all of a sudden I'm a crumpled up mess on the floor, sobbing and trying not to scream.

It's impossible for him to just be gone. I can't even being to think about not being able to turn to him for everything or spending my days without him. He's gone and he's just left me here with the emptiest feeling which is somehow the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

*

I knock on the door of Trey's dad's house, not really knowing what I'm doing. I can barely keep my eyes open, they're so red from crying and I'm sure Dave just wants to be alone. Never the less, he opens the door and his eyes are equally as red.

"Bella." he sniffs, wiping his eyes but still giving me the same kind smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we go to his room?"

He sighs. "I'm not sure..."

"Please." I plead. "What if he left something?" 

"Bella-"

"I'm begging you." I say, honestly. There's no room for being false anymore.

He gives in and we walk up the stairs, pausing outside the room. It feels kind of wrong. Trey doesn't get to go into his own room anymore, but we do. However, something in my head is telling me to check in case he wanted us to.

"Ready?" I whisper.

Dave nods and we open the door. I don't know what I'm expecting to see, it's not like it would have changed at all. Maybe that's what took my breath away a bit. It's exactly the same, his bed still unmade from that morning and his laptop still open on his Psychology essay.

"Do we look around?" Dave asks.

I nod. "Don't change a thing though."

"Of course not."

We look around and there is nothing but what he left behind. No diary, no loose pieces of paper that he wrote on. I don't even know what I'm looking for. There's not a mystery to be solved. I guess I'm just wanting to find a message that he couldn't put into words.

After half an hour, I sigh, going over to his computer and looking at his essay. I'm expecting it to be boring, but I spot my name and frown.

One piece of behaviour that really stands out to me in my own personal life is the determination of my girlfriend Bella. I think I will use this to study as I find it extremely interesting that she can want something so much. For example, she is determined to live her life to the fullest and not let anything slip by. I would like to study this because in actual fact, it's the most interesting thing in the world to me and I would like to know how it's humanly possible to be so selfless yet want the whole world at the same time.

The agony runs through me again and I have to close my eyes and count to ten which is something else Trey mentioned in his essay. It doesn't hurt any less but I am calmer now.

"I'm sorry." I gasp to Dave. "I'm so sorry."

He frowns. "What for, sweetheart?"

"I was there when he died and you couldn't be!" I exclaim. "You've been there looking after him since he was born! You're his dad! When did I get the right to be there when you weren't?"

"Shh." he hushes me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "You got the right to be there ever since my son came home from walking you home that first day and couldn't stop talking about how great you are."

*

Dave and I sit in front of the fireplace later, just sitting in silence. Not the bad silence, the type of silence that's nice because it gives you both time to think. I like being here even though it hurts to see where Trey has been so much. But here, Dave understands me.

"Maybe you should see Dan tomorrow." Dave suggests.

I nod. "Maybe."

"Really." he says. "He's as hurt as any of us. You two need each other."

*

As I lie in bed that night at home, I realise how true it is that Dan and I should spend time together. We're both as broken as each other and we'll never be able to completely fit each other like Trey fitted us, but we can at least try.

Sorry. I text him.

What for? You're always apologising and nobody knows why.

Because if Trey didn't know me then he wouldn't be dead.

If Trey didn't know you his life would be long and average. Instead it was small and amazing.

:) I type back. Dave thinks we should spend time together. You know, hold each other up.

I was thinking the same thing. he agrees. tomorrow, ten am?

I agree and see the smallest spark of hope.

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