She's too young: The painful truth

What if everything everyone warned you about, was true? What if it was too late to turn back? And what if the painful truth let you drop to the floor, wishing everything was the same again? Would you give it a second chance?


5. First day of class

When I awoke in the morning I felt physically exhausted. I tossed and turned in the night with anger and sadness and confusion. My alarm clock buzzed through the room though I was already awake and the sun had barely risen. I rolled out of bed onto a sore arm, but I ignored the pain and headed to the shower. 


Hanna was already awake and unpacking some of her other things in the living area, but she didn't notice me sneak into the bathroom which I was grateful for. I locked the door and undressed and stepped into the cool, misty water. It stung the wound on my arm from last night, and I cringed, attempting to keep it away from the water. My head was pounding. After another five minutes or so I turned the water off, wrapped myself in a towel and tip-toed back to my room. I slid on some jeans and crop top, acceptable for the weather outside, humid and hot and cloudy. My hair dried and laid on my shoulders. When I applied my mascara and rouge, I felt presentable to leave. I had a class this morning, creative writing across campus. 


I successfully sneaked out of the dorm unnoticed, a bag in my arm, books in the other, and I made it past the group of inconvenient construction workers fixing the elevators. They were crowding the lobby, nearly outnumbering students who were on their way to class or the library. I was nervous. I wasn't well with being in a class full of peers whom I'd never met. It was nerve wrecking. Clouds still paced through the sky though now I doubted we'd get any luck of a storm. I hoped for it though, I mean I didn't exactly have a parade to rain on, but a little drizzle might've cooled me down from last night. 


The professor assured everyone in to the class, shuffling a stack of papers in his hands while everyone took seats in an inclined staircase of desks. I sat in the back, invisible to everyone until an obnoxious girl sat next to me, eying my every move. She sarcastically smiled and rolled her eyes while I kept my focus ahead. 


"Good morning, I'm Professor Sims and I'm going to be teaching your creative writing and literature courses for the semester." Professor Sims spelled out an agenda on a large chalk board before him. The girl to my left stared right at me, ignoring the fact that we were told to take out our pens and write notes on a lecture being told. I was multitasking, both writing focusing on her glare simultaneously. There was another five minutes of writing before Sims received a phone call, cutting the lecture short for a second, and the girl spoke up, her voice very nasal and stuck up. "What happened to your arm?" 


I awkwardly turned it over, "Oh, I cut myself." 


She gasped, and snickered. "You cut yourself? Like you're a cutter?" 


Great. My cheeks flushed. "No, I'm not a cutter. It was an accident."


"Really.." She rolled her eyes, holding back a sarcastic smirk.


"I mean it's none of your fucking concern anyways." I snapped, a bit louder then I expected. The class fell silent. Sims hung up the phone and folded his arms, looking directly at me. 


"You." He pointed. "Name?" 


I coughed, and some of the students chuckled. "It's Ellie." My voice was stern though I was dying on the inside of embarrassment. Professor nodded his head, pacing a bit back and forth now. "And, what were the choice of words that just fell from your mouth?" He asked plainly. I felt like I was a child being scolded. I couldn't deny that I had been potentially rude to this girl even if she was being a bitch, I just got caught throwing the f bomb like it was this summer's trend. How intelligent of me to screw up my first day of class and become my professor's very first target to a semester in pure, literary torture. Fantastic Ellie. Way to go. "I'm waiting." Sims tapped on an invisible watch laying on his wrist. Another laugh from the class. 


I stood up, coughing quietly, boldly speaking. My cheeks were pink but I was confident. It was better then slapping the death out of both Sims and miss bitch next to me. "I told her, whatever her name is, to stop asking questions that were none of her fucking concern. I don't have time for individuals mocking me and calling me out in front of everyone for sticking up for myself. She was two seconds away from emotionally harassing me, and that is not okay, sir. So you can cross your arms, and tap on your invisible time piece, and lecture me with a mile of pretentious words about how I should watch my mouth, because I personally am only here to get an education. Not to befriend my professor, nor my peers." A good portion of the class howled and the other booed, I made a 'hmmph' noise and took my seat again. The girl to my left held her jaw slightly open, and Sims nodded his head. 


"You stated your position clearly. Now I'm going to state mine; If you two girls begin conflict again I'm throwing you out. You, the feisty one, Ellie, move two seats to the right. I don't want you near her or I fear it'd end up a blood bath." Sims dropped the subject after another remark and continued his lesson. I was glad that he hadn't thrown me out of his class for smarting off too bad, because if so, I probably would have ran off campus and rotted into a corpse from public humiliation. Who would enjoy being escorted away from your first day of college because of throwing a curse word at someone? Certainly not I. 

After class I roamed the quad area, dozens of students laid out on the grass and consuming benches with a laptop in their vision or a novel at mind. Groups of people all seemed to fit. There were cliques similar to high school, only these ones far more intelligent. I ignored cliques like the plague.


It was gray outside, and I felt sticky. I found a thick tree whom was vacant, so I curled next to it, crossing my legs and leaning against the trunk. My book bag was laid over my lap and I breathed slowly, cooling off from the humidifying and torturous heat. The grass beneath me felt cool, and soon I felt better. Time had passed and students left to other classes and I sat there alone, going through notes and prompts for this upcoming week. I sighed to myself, feeling rather lonely from the lack of people to interact with. I mean having social anxiety or not, being alone is something you never want to endure. It hurts. I sighed and forced myself up, feeling a bit lost that I didn't have another class until tomorrow, I didn't know where to go. And I didn't want to go back to the form because.. I don't know. I was stubborn.


I began walking across the quad, pretending to be caught up in my phone when I heard someone calling my name from behind. 


"Ellie! Hey!" Hanna shouted, Louis at her side with a look more awkward then usual. I smiled vaguely, meeting her half way. 


"What are you doing? I didn't hear you leave this morning." She chuckled.


"Oh, yeah I left early. I wanted to make sure I'd get to class on time." It was partially true. 


"How was it?" 


"Class? It was okay, I mean I got into a cat fight with some girl and bitched out my professor but.. what else could have gone wrong?" My sarcasm killed and Louis couldn't hold back a smirk. Idiot. 


"Oh that's bound to happen. Most professors here are assholes. Forget about them. So anyways now you're heading back to the dorm?"


"Um no actually. I kind of wanted to look around and give myself a tour of here. I don't know, I'm not familiar with the campus so I'm at risk of losing myself." I laughed falsely. Hanna was again too caught up in staring at Louis to look me in the eyes. I couldn't blame her.. he looked good. 


"Well I'd give you a tour but I have classes until later this afternoon. But- Hey Louis you don't have anything to do, you should give her a tour around!" Hanna squealed, clapping his shoulder and snapping out of the trance he gave her. My stomach dropped a mile. He was reluctant, until she gave him a stern look. He agreed. "Okay, I guess yeah. I'll give you a tour Ellie." His voice suggested he wasn't happy. Hanna kissed his cheek and touched his arm. "I have to go because class is starting. But I'll meet you guys at the dorm let's see.. at five? I'll get dinner and stuff to make up for last night. But we can just hang out and stuff. We really want to get to know you better El." I nodded in agreement, waving goodbye. Hanna waved as well, and ran back to the building while I faked a smile until her body disappeared into a classroom. Without saying a word, I walked away from Louis, keeping tears in my eyes.


There was no way in hell I was letting him give me a tour of campus, by ourselves. I wanted to drop dead, and oddly I wanted the alone time with him. It was what I wanted. What I needed. I needed and wanted to ask him so many questions. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to kiss him. 


But instead I dropped my head, and walked slowly toward the dorm building without a word to say. I heard him following me but I was too focused on fighting back an outburst, I ignored him. I was halfway off the quad to the dorm building when he called my name quietly, and his hand brushed against mine. And with just a touch, I knew I couldn't do this. I couldn't be with him. I couldn't let him be around me. Because the simplest brush of his fingers against my hand, flooded back a rainstorm of emotions. How our lips pressed together and the countless nights outside my window and the stab of the dagger and the look in his eyes when he left me. The heat outside was overbearing and I was sweating and he repeated my name and just like that, I wanted to faint.

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