She's too young: The painful truth

What if everything everyone warned you about, was true? What if it was too late to turn back? And what if the painful truth let you drop to the floor, wishing everything was the same again? Would you give it a second chance?

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6. A different side

My head was spinning, and a pain in my chest ached and longed to feel okay again. Louis grabbed my elbow in an attempt to steady me. "El, you okay?"

"Don't." I spat. I shoved his hands away from me, regaining my breath in the humid air around me. The earth was dry, clouds rolled in, and I felt nothing more than a waist of breath in this storm. I convinced myself it was only the heat causing me to feel so vile. Louis stood unaware of what to say or do. His hand reached out again to grab onto me. This time I didn't say anything. I didn't push his gesture away. I looked at him. A view of hurt was painted on my face, and he got the hint. His lips parted to say something, and nothing came out. I sighed. The tears in my eyes dried. It was no use. "I have to go." I whispered.

-

Hanna walked into our dorm later that afternoon, an umbrella in her hand from the rainstorm outside. I was laying on the sofa, effortlessly doodling on my notebook, dying of boredom. "You look like shit." She laughed.

"Thanks." I couldn't make eye contact with her. Something about another girl loving the boy I so desperately couldn't seem to get over made my heart physically throb in pain. I kept reminding myself it's been four years. But it hurt. Hanna scooted my legs over, making room beside me. "Calm down, killer. Lou told me you got sick earlier."

Lou. I called him that. I gave him nicknames. And yet that's all supposed to be forgotten.

"I didn't get sick." I objected.

"He said you nearly threw up." She put her hand on my shoulder and I had the urge to push her away.

"Forget what he said, okay? I'm fine. Leave it be." My voice got high and my bitchiness got it's best of me.

"Um.. Okay." Hanna's eyebrows pushed together. "I was just worried about you. And so was Lou."

I sat up, tossing my notebook down on the floor roughly. "I'm going to bed." I stated.

"It's six o'clock." Hanna notified me, as if I couldn't tell time.

"Okay." My reply was vague and snobby and bitchy and all I wanted to do was break something. It was only six o'clock in the afternoon and now I vowed to stay in my bedroom for the rest of the night. I couldn't do this. My thoughts were eating me alive and I began to feel nauseated once again. It wasn't Hanna's fault Louis loved her. It was life. And I realized that life was cruel. And I was a bitch.

I let an hour and a half go by before stepping into the kitchen where Hanna scooped ice cream into a tiny bowl. "Look.. I'm sorry I snapped earlier. It's just been a rough day. I didn't mean to be such a bitch." Though my apology may have seemed sincere, deep down inside I knew it was far from it. Hanna believed my sincerity, thankfully. "It's okay, I know. First days are tough. I'm just worried about you. Ice cream?" She motioned toward the frozen tub in the ice box. I shook my head. She was trying to baby me and I wasn't buying her bullshit.

"I'm going to take a walk." I said.

"It's pouring." Hanna gasped.

"I'll bring a coat. It's no big deal."

"Are you sure? It's not really safe." Her mother-like attempt of protection made me cringe. I'd always been put down as the little girl who is weak and stabs herself with daggers for the hell of it. I could fight my own battles. No one had seen them yet.

"Yep. I'll be back later." I gripped my coat from the sofa, evacuating before Hanna held me hostage from the harm of a bit of rain.

She was right, though. It was pouring. My hair was soaked. The jean shorts I wore held no protection against my skinny legs, causing me to shiver. But I continued my walk.

I tried desperately and failed miserably to get Louis far away from my mind. I focused on my dripping converse, slowly padding through puddles. Nobody was out. Students and faculty hid in rooms and offices, obviously afraid of a grey sky. I didn't know where I was going, but my feet led me their way. Raindrops danced on my coat, making the sky appear as if it was crying. I knew how it felt to cry in the rain. It was unpleasant. Like the day Louis broke up with me and left me stranded to walk home alone in a storm with a shattered heart. And yet I loved him after all the hurt he put me through.

But I could never hate him. There was something about the way he looked at me. As if I was delicate. Not the little girl everybody else has seen. But his eyes would gaze upon me as fragile, as if he couldn't touch me or I'd break. And when he did touch me, I never felt something that perceived so soft as his fingertips brushed along my sides, tracing galaxies on my skin. I was vulnerable. I was blind. And my delicacy was shattered with a slam of a car door, and district transfers, and daggers, and drugs, and ex girlfriends, and abandonment. And I was stupid for loving him.

My walk in the rain continued as I was going, pushing everything away from my foggy thoughts. I was shivering and it was cold. I ignored it. I stared at my feet still, tracing patterns with my eyes along the wet pavement.

I was out for a while now. Hanna would be worried, and I didn't care. Night was falling fast and I made an entire circle on campus unknowingly. Before I knew it I was back to the dorms. My shoulders slumped and I decided to go back inside.

"Hey!" I heard a male voice call from behind. I quickly turned around.

"It's pouring, what are you doing out here?" He asked. He was tall, and handsome. His eyes were a deep brown and a he had a light smile. He was soaked, like me. Only with a hoodie covering his head. It was pointless. I only shrugged my shoulders.

"Rough day?" He chuckled.

"I hate it here." I sighed, kicking the toe of my shoe into a small puddle.

"Well hey, it's not that bad. It'll get better."

"I don't think so." It didn't feel like anything was going to get better anymore. I escaped home to be away from my problems and I learned that running away was a fucked up way to deal with things.

"Well... We should get together sometime, yeah? I mean you could use some friends right?" He was the first person to be generally nice to me. And he was cute. I felt my cheeks get red.

"Yeah, I guess." I nodded, tucking a strand of soaked hair behind my ear.

"Cool. Well, I'll see you around then." He smiled. I returned the favor.

"Okay." I sort of waved, and he chuckled again, continuing his walk to his own dorm room.

I smiled to myself a little. And it was almost instantly taken aback when Louis stormed up to me out of nowhere. "What was that about?" He was coming from the far side of campus, where the offices and faculty buildings were.

"What was what about?" I asked sharply.

"Him. Why were you talking to him?" He wore a grey hoodie with the letters of our school printed upon the front. I guess tonight was the night everybody decided to escape and run through the rain.

"Why is it any of your concern?" I nearly yelled.

"He's not good for you!" I didn't know where this was coming from. I didn't even get the boy's name, and it was unlikely that we'd ever see each other again. We talked for literally a nanosecond. Louis was just being a prick.

"How do you know what's not good for me? Who are you? I don't even know you anymore! So stop showing up out of nowhere and fucking everything up." I was yelling now. And it was raining ten times worse. I didn't understand why I said the things that I said, but words just came out. I was angry. I wasn't going to be told what to do. I wasn't a child.

"You know who I am." It was just like old days. He was a dick. I yelled back. And he calmed down, making me out to be the bad guy.

"You know what, you don't even know who you are. Leave me alone." I pulled the door to the dorm building open, soaking the carpet with my wet shoes as I squeaked up the stairs to my room. Louis followed behind.

"Why are you following me?" I shouted, staring ahead up the staircase.

"I'm not following you." He snapped. I realized, he wasn't following me. He was making the same trip I was. But his was to be with his girlfriend.

At the top of the stairs, I sprinted to our door, slamming it open and running to my room. I heard Hanna call after me. I ignored her. Louis followed my steps shortly after, and Hanna shouted. "What's going on? Louis why are you here?"

"Nothing, why?" He retorted.

"Ellie runs in here crying and slamming things, and you follow after her with a pissed off look on your face. What's going on?" She sounded genuinely angry. I listened from my room.

"Nothing happened. Nothing is going on. She was already upset when I was on my way up here." Louis' voice was faint through my now slammed bedroom door.

"Then why do you look like that?" She demanded answers. Louis wasn't telling the truth. I was a crying mess.

"Because my sweater got soaked and I forgot my umbrella at my room." He lied through his teeth. He made me sick.

"You're not telling me the truth."

"Look," Louis' voice turned increasingly soft. I slid down the base of my door, my ear pressed to it, hustling on their conversation.

"I don't know what's going on with Ellie, I told you. She was a wreck when I was on my way up. I promise. It's probably nothing. She's probably just asking for attention."

This was a side of Louis I never saw, or heard..

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