My (chemical) romance.

It's about the band My Chemical Romance (Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero and Ray Toro). We all know the guys didn't like it at school and struggled with things. I'm gonna put that in the story and I'll also make things up like Frerard... Or is Frerard real... They never denied... :'D

I hope you'll like it! :D


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31. Mumbling

Gerard TGS:

 

I got goosebumps by saying that. It felt so right but he made me so uncomfortable. It was going too fast, he was going too fast. It was my first time, I couldn't just let everything happen. Specially because I could still see Mikey pointing at me angrily and shouting that I 'stole' his friends.

Frank looked at me questioningly and took a deep breath to get his heavily breathing onder control. I could almost hear him thinking. What a dick, why now, I thought he liked me. These thoughts made me feel disappointed, disappointed of myself...

 

''What., what do you mean you're not ready?''

''I just can't.., I'm sorry...''

''I'll be careful, don't worry.''

 

He barely finished his sentence as he stroked my cheek and kissed me softly on my forehead. Wasn't I clear enough? I'll be a dead man if I let this happen and Mikey hears us. Even though I loved Frankie so much, I pushed him away carefully and looked him in his, still energetic eyes.

 

''I mean it.., I can't do it. We have to wait, I'm sorry...''

 

I felt sad for Frank but I shove myself away from him and sat against the railing of the bed. He was still sitting on his knees on my bed. He looked down his pants with a fed up face and moved his boxershort a little so it fitted right again. It must have felt nasty because his bodily fluids were still somewhere around there. I peeked at my right hand where Franks cum was also still on and I wiped it undetected off on my shirt.

 

''Gerard, I.., I don't know.''

 

I wanted to say something but I couldn't find the right words. He should know that it wasn't his fault and that I still want to be with him. I must have insulted him, his eyes looked disappointed at me and he stood up, walked to the other bed and sat down on it, his elbows leaning on his tighs and his head in his hands. He mumbled something but I couldn't hear it. I knew I made the right decision but it hurted. It hurted to see Frankie disappointed. Mainly because it was my fault. Again...

I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I keep thinking about how much I hate myself and about everything I've done even though I know it will never help me. My dad used to say it would make me stronger but he's long way gone and I feel like he only said that to make me feel better. I could call him once and ask him how he even knew that I found it hard to stay alive and then he could give me some advice so I can have a better view of myself and my lifetime. But what if he left because of me instead of his work? What if I was the reason that he wanted to go... He never told me properly anyway. He said that he had a new, better job and would earn a lot of money and come back when he had enough to buy a nice, bigger house for him, my mother, Mikey and me. But he never came back, he didn't even told Mikey that he left. He only called me once to ask how we were doing but that didn't last longer than 5 minutes. From that moment me and Mikey started to care about each other more and more. It felt good to have him at my side when we were all alone. I can't imagine how it would be for Frank... When he's home and his parents are... I don't know what he meant when he said that his father didn't treat his mom right but it couldn't be good. As far as I knew Frank didn't have any siblings or pets so I bet he's been very lonely for a long time. That's probably why he's always here to hang out with Mikey. And now with me...

I stood up determined and opened the door but before I left I looked at Frank who didn't move an inch.

 

''I'm gonna check on Mikey, stay here okay?''

 

He muttered something again but all I could understand of it was an 'okay'.

I closed the door soundless and did a few steps towards Mikeys room. The music suddenly stopped playing, as if he could hear me coming. I doubted to go back to my own room but then a gloomy, acoustic song was putted on. I leaned my head against his door to hear what song it was but it wasn't loud enough to hear the entirety of the song. I bended a little so I could look through the keyhole what Mikey was doing. He sat in the same position as Frank when I left him in my room. A few beer cans lied on the ground, next to Mikeys feet. He always sat like this when he was worried about mom or me. When we heard mom crying from upstairs or when I got home with fresh bruises on my face or arms.

I knocked on the door but Mikey didn't move. He probably didn't even hear it over the music. I carefully opened the door and did a few steps inside. Mikey still didn't move. Therefore I closed the door, passed the matresses that were still in his room and sat down next to my brother.

 

''Mikey..?''

 

He didn't even look up, he just sat there and cried almost soundless. I turned the music a little less loud so I could start a converstation. What almost seemed to be impossible after he started crying harder and harder when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

 

''It's okay.., I'm here for you.''

 

He fell down in my arms and started hugging me. I haven't seen him this sad in a while. It broke my heart.

 

''Mikey please.., stop crying, it's okay, I'm here now...''

''I'm sorry.., I'm so sorry Gerard... I will make everything better!''

''Don't worry about that now. Are you okay?''

''No, no, I'm not I was terrible to you earlier.''

''Mikey, you should go to sleep... It's the alcohol. Please go to sleep.''

''No! I can't leave you! I need to make it better!''

 

'He started sobbing again and hugged me tighter. Sigh, I couldn't do more than this... I can't stay with him all night till the alcohol is out of his blood... That would take hours and  Frank was waiting for me. I still had to talk with him as well...

 

''Just sleep... I need to have a conversation with Frank, you will be okay if you just go to sleep. I will check on you in an hour okay?''

''No.., Gerard don't leave me! I was mean to Frank as well... Can I come with you?''

''Uhm.., well... I don't know about that..''

 

Mikey stopped crying and looked me begging in my eyes like a kid that doesn't wanna go to sleep because there would be monsters in the closet or under the bed. 

 

''Please.., I don't wanna be left alone...''

 

It made me think of what mom earlier said about looking for trouble. He will probably make a lot of noise and blame me when I leave him but when I take him with me.., what if he gets mad or anything? Well basically it will both be my fault so in the end it doesn't matter that much... Let's just do what the best is for Mikey... I sighed and walked to the door.

 

''Okay, let's go to my room. You can sleep there if you really want to...''

 

It almost seemed like Mikey was going to cry of happiness. He walked after me and before we stood in front of my room he tapped me on my shoulder. He wiped away a last tear and hugged me again.

 

''Thank you brother, I love you so much.''

 

It sounded so weird. It's creepy what alcohol can do to people.

I didn't say anything but smiled at him. When I opened the door I saw Frank sitting on my bed again. But this time with a shirt on and staring through the window instead of my boner. He looked so cute in his oversized sweatpants.

I walked the room in and sat down next to Frankie. Mikey closed the door and  rushed himself towards us. Frank looked up to Mikey but he didn't seem to care that I took him with me.

 

''Mikey wants to stay with me... I'm sorry.''

''Frank I'm so sorry too!''

 

Mikey sat on the other bed and started sobbing again. I sighed and moved myself to te other bed next to Mikey and wrapped my arm around him again to comfort him. I had to talk with Frank somehow but ignoring Mikey was hard, he looked so helpless.

 

''What just happened between us Frank.., it wasn't your fault...''

 

I wanted to give somemore explaination but Mikey cried through it.

 

''I'm sorry too Frank! I know you did't fuck my brother in the ass!''

 

In no time my eyes were pointed at Mikey. Did he really had to say that? Frank easily turned to us. I felt so ashamed of my own brother... And myself ofcourse. Mikey tried to say something else but I was scared Frank would get even more mad at me if Mikey kept talking like that so I pulled Mikey against my chest and whispered annoyed at him.

 

 

''Mikey shut your mouth!''

 

He tried to say something else so I pushed him tighter against me and smiled awkwardly at Frank. I only heared some mumbling from Mikey. I thought Frank would be so mad by now but he chuckled a little bit and smiled friendly at me.

 

''It's okay, I can't stay mad. You guys are too cute.''

 

I sighed relieved and smiled at Frank.

 

''Gerard you almost chocked me!''

 

Mikey pushed himself out of my arms. I laughed a bit cause I totally forgot he  probably couldn't breath with his face in my smelly sweaty shirt where I wiped off Franks cum. Only positive thing about him being half drunk.

Frank tucked himself in under the blankets in my kingsize bed like he already planned to sleep there. He closed his eyes when Mikey stood up and walked towards him. Frank looked so cute lying under the blankets. I love him so much... Why can't I be so perfect as him..?

 

''Gerard can I sleep here tonight? I wanna be close to you.''

 

Mikey pointed at the empty space next to Frank. I heard Frank giggling a little bit and we looked at each other.

 

''Yanno what Mikes, I'll push this bed next to mines and then you can sleep on that next to me and Frank okay?''

''Oh, that's alright to. Let me do it.''

 

I stood up from the bed and pushed it in the direction of my bed but I wasn't strong enough. Mikey pulled on the other side and the bed perfectly fitted next to mine. He lied down in it, ready to sleep.

It was a little weird to sleep with my brother and my crush. Frank wrapped around me on the left side and Mikey close to me, holding my arm on the right side.

But for the first time I felt safe, protected and most importantly, loved.

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