My (chemical) romance.

It's about the band My Chemical Romance (Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero and Ray Toro). We all know the guys didn't like it at school and struggled with things. I'm gonna put that in the story and I'll also make things up like Frerard... Or is Frerard real... They never denied... :'D

I hope you'll like it! :D


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20. Keep silent

I opened my eyes and saw the darkness of the night on the ceiling.

5 am... It's so early but I can't sleep anymore. I slept alone tonight, Frank wasn't here. I should get out of my bed and get ready for school.

I got out of my bed and looked for my uniform. My jacket, shoes and trousers are spread over the ground but I'm still wearing my shirt and tie. I remember how I fell asleep. My arms full of new, deep cuts. Fresh, pure blood flowing out of my arm on my white shirt. Tears all over my face.

I putted on my clothes and walked slowly to the bathroom to do all the daily, cliché stuff. Drowned in my mind, thinking of what happened again. Wondering how Mikey and Frank are doing. I ate my breakfast and walked back to my room. I sat down on my bed and fell on my back. I don't know how I feel. I feel dead inside. Feeling like something is in body and eating my heart. Eating the last pieces of hapiness what I have inside of me. The memories of fun things I experienced with Mikey, the things I did that day with Frank. I don't think anything can make me feel better right now. A perfect moment to tell Mikey what happened.

7:30 am. Late enough. I walked to Mikeys room and knocked on the door.

 

''Come in.''

 

Mikey lied on his bed, watching a tv show. I sat next to him.

 

''Why are you up so early Gee?''

''Can't sleep.''

''Are you okay?''

''I need to tell you something.''

 

Still no feelings. I better speak everything out before I doubt. Mikey is everything to me, I can trust him.

He still looked at the tv.

 

''Tell me.''

''I wanted to tell you yesterday but had no chance. Well you probably might already know but I don't like girls. I'm gay.''

 

Mikey suddenly turned his head to me and looked shocked. Still no feelings.

 

''Are you serious?''

''Yes, I am.''

''Well... Okay...''

''Are you mad?''

''No, I'm just surprised. I know you never had a girlfriend so I already thought about it but I didn't expect you were really gonna tell me.''

''I'm sorry that I didn't told you earlier.''

 

I don't believe him. He looks disappointed. I should trust him on his words. There is no way back. The only thing I can do now is tell him about my self harm and experience with Frank. Or keep silent. I don't care.

 

''It's okay but you know you can trust me, right?''

''Yes, I'll tell you everything.''

''When did you know you were gay?''

''I don't know. I have a crush on Frank for a long time.''

''That's a kinda cute. Does he knows you like him?''

 

Do I still have a crush on Frank? I like him a lot but I don't think he wants me anymore. I should try to forget him. Impossible. Mikey thinks we're cute. Maybe Mikey can talk with him about me if he's going to school. And if Frank goes to school ofcourse. Poor kid.

 

''Yes, I told him.''

'''Why so cold? Come on Gee, tell me!''

''Sorry I don't feel well. I told him I liked him and he said he liked me as well. He took me to his grandmas house yesterday.''

''And?''

''I gave him a blowjob and we had almost sex.''

''Oh god, Gerard. It's weird to hear that but I'm happy you have someone! Frank will treat you right.''

 

I'm glad Mikey is not mad but he should know what happened after that. It feels like I stole his best friend.

 

'''He's mad at me. He fell when we were running home to help you. I left him, lying on the street and now he has a lot of wounds. He was at the hospital yesterday.''

''Seriously? Is he okay? Are you okay?''

''I think so, I don't know. Yes I am.''

''Oh okay, I'll text him. And that's good.''

 

Idiot, I'm not okay. He said he read me like a book but the pages all are torn and frayed. What will it take to show him that I'm not he guy I seem to be. I don't think I look happy but I probably look better than I feel.

 

''I'm going to school.''

''I stay home today, have a nice day Gee. Text or call me if something is wrong.''

 

I left Mikeys room and walked down the stairs. Lonely on my way to school.

 

A few minutes later I came at school. I'm early. I know Frank is always early. He's probably already at school for one hour. I'm afraid to see him but I miss him. I miss his cuddles and kisses. It felt so right. I hope he wanna talk.

I walked towards the bathroom to check if my scars were still bleeding. I wanted to open the door but when I look after me, I saw a small guy with black hair looking at me for a second, then he walked away.

 

''Frank, wait! We need to talk! Please!''

''What do you want?''

''I just wanna...''

 

I had to think about what I was gonna say but two big guys pushed me on my back. I fell against Frank. He pushed my towards the wall and I fell on the ground. The two guys were looking at me and laughed at me.

 

''Are you ladies fighting?''

 

One of the guys smashed Franks head with a water bottle and the other one kicked me in my stomach. They walked away laughing.

Frank scratched his head and putted his middlefinger up to the bullies but they didn't see it. I stand up and tried to ignore the pain in my stomach.

 

''Jesus, Gerard are you okay?''

''Yes.''

 

I wanted to walk away but Frank spoke again.

 

''Are you sure?''

''Yes.''

''Do you still want to talk?''

 

Talk about what? I fuck up everything. Even now. Frank wouldn't get bullied if I wasn't there.  

 

''No.''

''Oh... Well I wanna talk with you.''

 

Sigh.

 

''Okay.''

 

He pushed my back gently and brought us to the corner of an empty classroom. He sat down on a table and his feet on a chair. I walked after him and sat on a chair next to him. My stomach still feels sore.

 

''How is Mikey doing?''

''He has broken his leg but he's okay now.''

''Oh... Can I come with you to your house after school? To visit Mikey.''

 

That's just great, he only wanna hang out because of my brother. I feel used. I don't know if I wanna talk about what happened yesterday. What if he really used me? No, that's stupid. Why the fuck would he use me, I'm worthless. Or he just wants to be more often with Mikey. What if he actually has a crush on Mikey? 

 

''Yes.''

''Are you okay? You're acting so cold.''

''My stomach just hurts. And I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I would've never left you if I knew you were gonna be hurt. I thought you was okay.''

''It's okay Gee, I'm alright now.''

 

He smiled at me and I saw his eyes sparkling. It makes me happy to see him smiling but what the fuck. First he was very mad and almost shouting at me and now he acts like nothing ever happened. He is really confusing.

 

''You don't seem alright, Gee.''

''I am.''

''Good.''

 

He smiled at me again and touched my shoulder. He made me feel uncomfortable but I didn't wanna show it so I smiled back.

Frank jumped off the table and sat down again but now on the chair next to me.

 

''Gerard, you're amazing.''

 

He leaned over towards me and stroked my cheek. It was glowing. He looked me right in my eyes and got closer to me. His lips towards mine. Not for the first time but it made me feel even more uncomfortable.

I held back his head with my sticky hands and staired at him anxious.

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