First Love

~I'll always be yours even when you don't want me~

This fan fiction is of the one and only childish man; T.O.P. let me deeply apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes that I make. One of my first times that I'm writing one and yeah, I know that it sucks so please give me your feedback and rebuke me because that is the only way that I will learn how to write. Feel free to scrutinize it, because this storyline came to me in the form of a dream…..yep, my dreams are very weird ^o^ Big thanks to my friends who encouraged me to go all the way; so yeah, thank you and although its not the best, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.


7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

TOP’s hand stroked the wall next to the door and he flicked on the switch. The light blinded them and they groaned as their retinas pulsed, slowly readjusting their sensitive eyes.

He looked around and found her going into the closet they had just come out of with bundles of clothes, he watched curiously as she took two woolly jumpers and folded them into pillows before setting them down on the floor. Followed by two trench coats that were placed neatly bellow the ‘pillows’ thus she had created a thin layer of covering for them to each sleep on.

 They were lucky, in the sense that it was the middle of summer and therefore needed little to no covering for them to sleep peacefully. Still, being as efficient and adaptive as she was, she handed him a cardigan before taking her own and lay down exhausted from her day.

TOP sat down beside her clearing his throat before speaking ‘Yunhee-ah, shouldn’t we call someone?’ she silently lifted her phone in the air for him to see before replying, ‘no service.’ He heard her turn and saw that she was facing him; he felt her eyes penetrating through his body and stared back, careful not to stare for too long, in case he scared her.  ‘You should sleep, you need some rest, you didn’t look so good today, and I didn’t want to say anything in case I offended you but you looked terrible in comparison to our first meeting.’

‘Really? How bad do I look?’

‘With your eyes as they are now, I thought you looked like a panda.’ With her remark that she had said in all seriousness, TOP couldn’t help but chuckle ‘that bad huh?’

He wandered what this meant for him, he was locked in at night with a woman he wanted so desperately, it hurt him; it seemed as though the heavens were testing him by laying an angel to his side, wondering whether he would take any action towards her. Did it mean that she had thought of him the way he had her? Or did he really look that bad for her to notice? Were his feelings pointless, or did they hold further meaning? Either way, did it mean that she had someone?

The thought had never occurred to him until now that she might have a partner, being as beautiful as she was how could she not? Thinking about partners brought back a frightful memory of his ex, he hesitantly checked his phone; 26 missed calls, all from her. He exhaled deeply and put it back securely in his pocket; she was probably at his place right now, like she had been for the past 10 days demanding an explanation, the same explanation that he said to her every single time that they met. She was like the others, she had been nothing to him but a way of relieving himself from the stress, it was supposedly a type of contract that always seemed to expire too soon. All the women he had been with had somehow grown to have feelings for him even though they knew that he didn’t consider them to be in that type of relationship. Then to force their feelings onto him and become upset that he didn’t, and couldn’t reciprocate their feelings was bizarre and utterly senseless. Like the others his current ex had grown clingy and excessively paranoid. 

He sat down next to her, crossed his legs and plucking up whatever courage he had in his possession, he put it to use by asking her the question that he dread the answer to. ‘Yunhee-ah?’


‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ he mumbled the last word, afraid of her reply, afraid of the consequences that it would have on his conscious and on their current what felt like a progressing relationship.

TOP placed himself beside her and lay down on his side so that his chest was just inches away from her back, his heart pounded in anticipation, his palms were slick with sweat as he waited on edge for an answer.

‘No.’ her voice was barely audible as she let out the answer he had been hoping for. He couldn’t help but smile and he was about to turn to lie on his back when he felt her shiver. She was shivering, that undoubtedly meant that she was ill. To shiver in the middle of summer when the temperature was easily past 35⁰C meant nothing but illness.  Flustered and panicked, TOP spread the cardigan she had given him over her, he reached for her hand and it was cold, cold to the point of freezing. He leant over her and felt her blazing head; she shivered once more and turned around. TOP couldn’t think of anything else to do to provide her with some comfort other than hold her, and so with that excuse in his mind, he brought himself closer and wrapped his arm around her waist like he had dreamt of doing from their first meeting.

The sound of her voice surprised him ‘TOP-sshi, what are you doing?’ her voice was hoarse yet somehow still full of life. It took him aback but he stood his ground ‘you’re ill, I’m warming you up.’ He cursed himself mentally, that had sounded like a good enough excuse in his head. 

‘I’m fine, really. You can let go.’ He could see what she was doing, she felt uncomfortable with the proximity and was undermining her illness that would probably get worse if he left her alone, yet she wanted to suffer that way. He wasn’t going to let that happen anytime soon, especially when he had only just got the chance to touch her without him having to feel like a molester of some sort. He was comfortable this way because it felt as though they were made for each other, the way their bodies fit together like a puzzle.  He needed an excuse to stay this way.

‘Actually… tell you the truth, I have a secret condition.’

‘a condition?’ she had started to sound pained and it was like she was throwing darts at his heart, for every time that he heard her voice it seemed to be drifting, softer and softer, almost as though with enough softness that she would disappear.

‘I can’t sleep alone at night; I need to hold someone for me to be able to sleep.’

‘Don’t you have a girlfriend that you could hold onto instead?’

‘No I don't. Well….not any more, it wasn’t working between us ’

‘What about at home, or in the dorms? Who do you sleep with now?’

‘At home? I sleep with a substitute.’

‘A substitute? So you’re that kind of man huh?’

‘I was, I’m not anymore.’ Not since I met you ‘I sleep with Charlie, he’s soft, cuddly and always there for me.’

‘Oh, I see, you must feel uncomfortable having to hold me, I’m sure you’d prefer to have Charlie with you. Do you want me to call him?’

‘There’s no service here, we’re locked in and besides, he won’t pick up.’

‘Why? How can you be so sure?’

‘Because, he doesn’t have hands’

‘Oh, I’m sorry’

‘You should be, I won’t have anyone talk against Charlie, he’s my oldest friend and my favourite teddy bear.’ He feels her laugh silently and smiles to himself.

‘You, are really too much.’ Her voice was raspier than before and was drifting. She sounded so weak.

‘Am I? So back to my condition, will you be my teddy bear for tonight?’ she was silent ‘It’s only for tonight okay, don’t ever, ever try this again unless you want your backside kicked okay? And don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

‘Okay, okay, I got it.’ he smiled to himself and shuffled closer so that he could place his arm under her head whilst his other was wrapped securely around her curvy waist. Breathing in her sweet scent and keeping his breathing in time with hers, he finally found himself drifting, his body felt heavy and he felt his muscles relax, his mind at complete ease.  After three nights of consecutive torture he finally was able to sleep.

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