First Love

~I'll always be yours even when you don't want me~

This fan fiction is of the one and only childish man; T.O.P. let me deeply apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes that I make. One of my first times that I'm writing one and yeah, I know that it sucks so please give me your feedback and rebuke me because that is the only way that I will learn how to write. Feel free to scrutinize it, because this storyline came to me in the form of a dream…..yep, my dreams are very weird ^o^ Big thanks to my friends who encouraged me to go all the way; so yeah, thank you and although its not the best, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

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3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Two long tiresome days had passed since then, but her face was as clear and as fresh as though they had only met a few hours earlier. The members were tolerant with his distant behaviour, his occasional zoning out in the middle of an important matter, or in between a meeting. It worried them just as much as it frustrated them; they wanted to help him in whatever way possible but they wanted him to come to them, on his own, when he was ready to open up. It had always been like this; TOP was one to hold onto his own suffering and bear with it, bear the burden alone without confiding in anyone.

The maknae had pestered him that day, shot countless questions over the jacket he had returned with only to be met with utter silence not even a glare, before the curious youngster could have enquired any further, Jiyong had cut him off. Though they too were curious; there was no doubt about it, the questioning looks were palpable on their faces as they wondered how he had returned with nothing but a female jacket on, his shirt that he had worn before he had left was no where to be seen, but they simply patted his shoulder and asked how he was doing and how his health was. Satisfied with just a brief reply, they left dragging the maknae with them.

They knew that something was on his mind, something bothered him but since it didn’t seem to affect their work, none pressed him further for details. Instead they helped him with smaller things; like repeating the schedule a couple of times before writing it down and handing it to him. Small minute things, they hoped would help him. He was grateful for their support, for their respectful distance and their mild if not decapitated pressure in telling them his problems. It would be both embarrassing and humiliating, for them to know his shallow based desires for a woman whom he had met once and during this short meeting had not got something simple as her name. It was a stranger really, whom he thought about, whom he fantasized about, who interrupted his thoughts and made it hard to concentrate on anything unrelated to her. A stranger; whom he should not care about. But why couldn’t he stop?

Although he was almost pretty much focused on work as he usually was, the nights had taken their toll on his now heavy body. Sleeping was something that his mind seemed to detest; it was something that his mind wouldn’t allow; he would repeatedly toss and turn in discomfort as he thought of her once again. What was happening to him? Why couldn’t he sleep? He wanted to sleep, he was exhausted yet his mind failed him time after time and so; for the third consecutive night he lay awake in his bed, any possible sleep that he had accumulated from his weary body had been driven away by the thought of her.

Once again he trudged his way to dance rehearsal doing his utmost best to lift his feet off the ground as walked, only to fail and have them slide forward, one after the other. He had heard that there would be new dancers as three of the noonas had taken maternal leave, but he wasn’t sure when they would be replaced. He was sleep deprived, his eyes were bloodshot, dark circles formed underneath them and his skin wasn’t any better as its colour had drained; his youth along with it. 

His every limb screamed out in agony as he used what little strength he had left to open the door, and he dreaded the exercise that was to come as it would only deteriorate his health further. The sudden change in lighting blinded him, he looked up at the dazzling white lights; as his eyes gradually adjusted, he could tell that two blurry figures stood before him. He blinked furiously but was not able to get rid of the haziness that obscured his view.  He rubbed his eyes slowly and let out a small grown, as if the sleepless nights weren’t punishment enough but he had to be blinded as well? His eyes throbbed lightly; nothing could have prepared him for the blow he was to receive.

He opened his eyes to find a familiar short girl waving her hand vigorously in his face. ‘Are you okay TOP oppa?’ That bubbly excited voice was familiar. Disbelief washed through him as he scanned the young girl; the hazel coloured eyes, the short black pixie styled hair, the small face and chapped lips. It was none other than the little girl who had disturbed him previously with her remarks, the loud one who had never seemed to shut up. ‘Ah-you-err-yeah’ he had stuttered, he hadn’t got around his shock and thus was unable to form a logical sentence. He flicked a questioning look at the taller girl her dark eyes were as dull as her never changing expression as she answered the question, not even the slightest bit distracted by the bubbling joy that was her friend as she jumped up and down hyperactively beside her. Had she had too much sugar? Whatever she was eating, he wanted some of that too; it seemed like centuries ago that he had had that much energy.

‘We’re the new replacement dancers; my name is Kim Youngmi pleased to make your acquaintance.’ Her voice was neither warm nor cold, neither happy nor sad; it was as emotionless as was the rest of her. She bowed and he reciprocated the greeting.

The short girl bowed ‘my name is Park Jaehwa, lets work hard and get along well’ for TOP, he bowed slightly, he wasn’t listening all he had caught onto was her name; as his attention was placed on a third female figure that was greeting the other members. His heart skipped a beat, as a fluttering feeling overtook his insides, the weariness gone and he suddenly somehow felt refreshed, it had evaporated  and joined in with the air that surrounded him. He made his way to her and hope filled his insides with a soft mushy feeling, almost as if his legs would collapse from beneath him and he would burst from the warmth that had erupted from within him.

Could it be her? As he made his way towards her, the members caught sight of him Daesung was the first to speak to him. ‘Ah, you’re here hyung. We have new dancers’ on cue, the woman turned to face him, her hair pulled back in a ponytail shook as she did. She bowed. ‘My name is Han Yunhee, I shall be a replacement dancer, please take care of me.’ Such words escaped from her lips, it put him in an inert state; on the borderline of being asleep and awake, this being fantasy or reality. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. Yunhee; that was her name. He smiled and bowed ‘likewise’ their eyes met briefly before she pulled away from the magnetism he seemed to emit.

They stood side by side, only centimetres apart as the other two dancers stood on either side of them; the hair on his left arm stood like soldiers and he saw her shiver. He smiled to himself as he realised that he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Though they weren’t touching, each felt a tingling sensation run across their skin, each felt the goose bumps and the internal heat that seemed to burn their insides. He saw her eyebrows narrow and her fist clench as she concentrated on the dance steps that the maknae was showing; the first part of the dance that the members had already practised with the previous dancers. TOP tuned out, only to tune in again when Seungri had finished, a smirk plastered on his face as he made his way towards them; this time it was TOP’s turn to clench his fist. He was relieved when Jiyong came in front instead, hitting the maknae’s shoulder thus pushing him out of the way slightly. ‘If you have any problems with the choreography then please tell us. We’ll help you the best we can.’ TOP watched in hunger as she bit her lip, then stopped and called out to Jiyong. ‘G-dragon-sshi, um…I’m sorry but I have a problem’ Jiyong smiled and a blush crept up his cheeks ‘Aish, what’s with the honorific? We’re the same age, it’s embarrassing. Call me Jiyong, what part do you find difficult?’

‘You have a higher status so it’s only natural that I use the honorific, Jiyong-sshi’ another blush from him ‘okay, okay what part do you find difficult?’

‘It’s not so much the dancing, the choreography is simple enough but it’s more of a personal thing. Although I enjoy your music, I’m not so familiar with your faces and I don’t really know all your names so well.’

‘I see, but you knew my stage name?’

‘That’s only because Jaehwa’s a really big fan of yours, she talks about you a lot and tends to go a bit overboard with showing me photos.’

‘I see; it’s not really that much of a problem I’m Jiyong, that’s Seungri, Yongbae and Daesung.’ TOP cleared his throat ‘and this is our hyung, TOP’ the maknae approached them, TOP tensed involuntarily. ‘Yeah, Jiyong hyung is right noona, it’s not that big of a problem.’ He took out his phone, TOP groaned mentally he wanted to grab her arm and yank her away, hold her in his own arms thus hinting at them all to get lost, especially the maknae; but of course he couldn’t, he hadn’t talked to her properly, hadn’t confessed his feelings for her and even then there was no certainty that his feelings would be reciprocated.

‘Here, I’ll give you my number noona, then we can call each other and you’ll get to know me better.’ He smiled encouragingly. TOP noticed how hesitant she was, she wasn’t stupid she knew what he had meant. She smiled and took out her phone anyways and cautiously handed it to him; TOP wanted to stop her, to shout DON’T, to grab her wrist ad force her, but he couldn’t do anything, not in the current position he was in, he had no right to.

As the phone landed in Seungri’s palm she spoke, TOP noticed that she had a funny look in her eyes but it was hard to decipher ‘You look familiar, I’ve seen you somewhere before.’ Seungri looked up from the screens and smirked only to go back to typing. ‘It must of hurt’ he smiled again and took a step closer to her; handing her, her phone whilst gazing down on her, trying to make her uncomfortable. She held her own, unwavering and confident against him. TOP had seen another side to her, she was independent, strong, and defiant and she stood her ground. Seungri smiled again as if he liked what he saw and TOP held his rage, fought the urge to take her, she wasn’t weak, she didn’t need saving, he knew that but he couldn’t control his need to want to. This feeling was something he had never experienced before, it was a need that he felt, a need to; protect her, to hold her, to want to make her his, to want to keep her by his side. He watched silently as she waited patiently for his answer, her gaze was unwavering and unresponsive to his actions.

‘What? When I fell from heaven?’ his voice was deep as he smirked. The atmosphere was tense as were the members and the other dancers. Top suppressed his anger. What was he doing? He didn’t know her? So why was he getting angry? He relaxed at the sound of her chuckle, a smile on her lips as she looked up at him ‘The glass door’ blood rushed to the maknae’s cheeks and ears until they were deep red in colour. He backed away slowly from her as the room erupted in laughter and TOP felt himself breathe a sigh of relief, the breath that he hadn’t realised he had held in. The tomato faced Seungri desperately tried to defend him self by denying that it had actually happened and hold onto what little dignity he had left. ‘I didn’t,-seriously-I-when did I?’ Jiyong had him in a headlock ‘Already trying to flirt with the new dancers huh?’

‘Hyung, I wasn’t flirting…aah…it hurts…it hurts hyung….I give in, I give in.’ Jiyong let go and Seungri rubbed his neck ‘Honestly hyung, I don’t know whether you love me or love to abuse me. Aish…that hurt.’ The group separated and TOP could see her smile, he watched her and he felt content, as she took her stance and they started dancing. 

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